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“Hey, I got the beads!”
Mardi Gras (French for Fat People Having Fun on Tuesday) is a festival held annually in the city of New Orleans, Louisiana to celebrate the existence of alcohol, plastic, and breasts. Mardi Gras was first celebrated by the Mayans, who engaged in the practice of throwing coins at the temple elders, who did not think that was funny and proceeded to have the errant coin-huckers scalped. The scalping was followed by a parade, in which the whole of Maya would huff kittens and throw coins at each other. Excavation of the Mayan ruins in 1645 yielded the discovery of the Mayan calander, complete with the April swimsuit issue of 1644, which is extremely valuable (because they were never sent to press.)
When Christopher Columbus discovered Ohio in 1924, he was disappointed, not only because there was no gold but also that America had already been discovered, populated, and ruined. However, Columbus did discover Mardi Gras after a parade float nearly ran over his foot, and his autobiography tells the story:
"Whenceupon the localtie of la-Nouvelle-Orleans, it seems they haveth a Fest of some kinde, that namely being the Celebration of Wine and Wommene, which they refer to as Mardi Gras. I stronglie consider this Fest to be the Most Incredibele of All Fests. I got Laide several Times in the Vieux-Carre, and also dranke of Many an Ale. Oh, how I wish it were to bie, this Fest in Europe also. What a Hange-Ouvre!"
The celebration of Mardi Gras is generally surmised in the three B's. They are as follows. Beer (people get hangovers from this, so the day after is known as ash wednesday), Beads, and Boobs, due to the large smount of flashing at parades.
edit Recent Developments
Mardi Gras' name has been changed to Marina Gras as of September 2005, since it is now held underwater in the sunken city of New Atlantis. This has not deterred festival-goers in the least! Floats (now literal) are built on the back of sea-urchins and humpback whales, and the cheers of the masses are now gurgling bubbles from deep underneath the coral reefs. Nevertheless, the fun continues, even today.