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- 1871 - Oscar Wilde famously declares: "working is the scourge of the drinking classes."
- 1900 - Ferdinand von Zeppelin perfects his lighter-than-air dirigible.
- 1922 - Membership in the Royal Society in Greater Hamptonsonfordshireborough Upon Newcastle reaches its peak.
- 1940 - Chuck Norris is born, meanwhile the US has yet to enter WWII
- 1957 - Osama Bin Laden is born on Chuck Norris's 17th birthday
- 1962 - Dr. Kyle Charles Finnegan runs into his first episode of legal issues after endorsing Goldbond's Medicated Powder featuring TapewormsTM.
- 1963 - Chuck Norris's first child is born, meanwhile, Your Mom is probably not born yet
- 1984 - Washed Up 70's Rock Band releases Ill-Advised Album in what many feel is the beginning of a decline in music quality.
- 1973 - Astronomers discover rings on Uranus
- 1990 - Chuck Norris turns 50, to celebrate, he invents a new form martial arts named after himself
- 2005 - Chuck Norris qualifies for Medicare and Social Security
- 2008 - The economy, like, totally starts taking a nosedive.
- 2011 - Chuck Norris turns 71, officially declared "Hella Old"
- 2017 - Dick Cheney dies, leaving Satan out of a job.