Maozilla

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 00:09, April 13, 2006 by 71.198.224.118 (talk)

Jump to: navigation, search
Maozilla

Maozilla, photographed in downtown Beijing in September 9, 1976.

Maozilla (alternately called Mao Tsilla; not to be confused with Mozilla) is a mythical communist monster, created from the DNA of Chairman Mao's chin mole. A symbol of the Communist Party's greatness and power, Maozilla disappeared after his defeat against Godzilla in 1969. He has returned in 1989, and once again champions the values of communism and eating anything that moves. It is believed another Maozilla once existed in Blood Gulch in 1973, but he caused little damage: as the game resulted in a tie, all the players quit in disgust, leaving Maozilla in the cold depths of the Internet.

Origins

Facing almost-certain defeat against the Kuomintang Army in October of 1934, Chairman Mao understood the Chinese Communist Army had little chance to survive. Chairman Mao turned to his scientists in search for aid, but his scientists were extremely negative. "Creating a nuclear-powered communist monster is no walk in the park, Great Leader," said the scientists. Just to piss them off, Chairman Mao organised a 800 km walk in the park now known as the Long March. Grudgingly, the scientists cooperated.

The plans for the creation of Maozilla were simple but diabolical: using the Chairman's chin mole as a potent source, the Chinese Communist Army's mad scientists irradiated the Chairman's DNA using powerful communist rays. The monster was completed in 1956, when Maozilla broke out of the secret communist laboratory below Hangzhou Lake, in what has come to be known as The Great Leap Forward.

Maozilla vs. Godzilla

Zillaz

Maozilla ruled supreme over the People's Republic of China for many years, until it met God in 1976". unfortunately for Maozilla, the avatar of God at that particular time was Godzilla, God's second Pokémon evolution.

Godzilla chased Maozilla deep inside the borders of the Middle Kingdom, where its power was at its peak thanks to the Chinese's use of the Little Red Book, small repositories of communist radioactivity. The two monsters faced off in an epic battle at Tiananmen Square, in the heart of Beijing, where Godzilla slew his rival by channelling the spirits of the Lost Emperors of China. The battle was so fierce that 72 Chinese tourists died while trying to pose next to Godzilla's foot.

Maozilla Returns

Seeing their champion defeated by the evolved form of Jesus, the Chinese gave up Communism in disgust, turning their attention to more noble pursuits such as Capitalism. From 1969 to 1989, peasants all over China claimed to have seen the ferocious monster, but Chinese scientists denied these visions as the byproduct of swamp gas.

However, in 1989, stunned tourists in Beijing saw Maozilla once again rise from the dead, and emerge from below Tiananmen Square. In the ensuing rampage, Maozilla swallowed 500 students gathered before the Forbidden City for a love-in. Trying hard to conceal their secret, the Communist Party pretended the rampage was simply due to a violent political repression. Many theorists and researchers outside of China have questioned the unlikely footage of tanks crushing students, released by 'news crews' at the scene, but it was actually a leaked Ninja memo that revealed the truth behind the carnage - that the Ninjas had secretly resurrected Maozilla with the bio-mechanical remains of their dread foe, Darth Hitler.

Maozilla's last public appearance was in 2003, when he helped Chinese forces defeat the SARS Monster.

In 2005, Maozilla joined the efforts of the Chinese Army to defeat the Ninja Chicken that have invaded their frontiers. For its valiant efforts, it was recently awarded the Golden Huffleberry, the Chinese government's highest civilian honour.

Maozilla also currently hosts a blog with his close friend, a burning canine called Firefox. The Maozilla/Firefox site is China's most popular online feature, surpassing General Tso's wacky adventures on HomestarRunner.com, although it still lags behind the ever-popular blog of Ms I. Ecksplawrer (MS IE).

Fight Record

  • 1492: vs. Christopher Columbus on VH1's "I Love the 1490's" (Loss)
  • 1927: vs. a fork (Loss)
  • 1949: vs. The Incredible Chiang (Win)
  • 1956: vs. a bunch of stunned Chinese scientists (Win)
  • 1960: vs. The Taiwanese Twister (Win)
  • 1966: vs. Male-pattern baldness (Loss)
  • 1966: vs. culture (Crushing victory)
  • 1969: vs. Godzilla (Loss)
  • 1973: vs. Red Team (North America) (Technically a Tie)
  • 1989: vs. a bunch of students (Win)
  • 2003: vs. the SARS Monster (Win)
  • 2005: vs. Ninja Chicken (Ongoing)
  • 2005: vs. The Incredible Hulk (Loss)

Allies

Firefox

Mario. vs Maozilla

Enemies

See Also

Fries Quasi-Featured Article (22 August 2014)
This article was nominated to become a featured article; however, due to several votes being devoured by a huge yeti with a machine gun, it didn't make the cut ({{{2}}}). Don't let this happen again! For just pennies a day, you can prevent another travesty of this nature, or vote for other articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
Personal tools
projects