Manowar

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of dollars. Manowar exists to promote the use of poser cheese metal, hate others who are not hEAVY mETAL, protect the secrets of flamers, ride motorcycles, horses and human pole, and use women as sexual tools.

All members of Manowar are great at making nerds feel mighty, and strong. All the members of Homowar, to the nerdy poser butt fest are poets, naturalists, and conservationists. On various occasions, they've promised to protect "true metal," but have never bothered to define what "true metal" is, or discuss potential industrial applications. Manowar is famous for their comedy live act, performed on a genuine stage.

As the only True Metal Defenders, Eric Adams, the band's lead singer, true manowarrior, lead faggot and acordeonist claims that Manowar is fighting for metal that's real using power and steel since the 80's, claiming that we are all the brothers of metal and weot gay, they are...umm... a bit different. So don't be a damn homophobe (like me) and stop blaming them.

Even though they look like the homosexuals you see in dance bars eyeing you from across the room, they are not gay.

History

In the early days of the gay steel industry, Manowar upstaged Andrew Carnegie by donating a thousand men-at-arms and war-horses to the Crippled Children's Foundation, St. Jude's Children's Hospital, and Mother Theresa. Being successful practitioners of Philanthropy, they were able to endear themselves to the public, and by 1983, Manowar had established an illegal monopoly, infiltrated the United States government, and arrested and executed Carnegie for "being a poser." Manowar opened the very first gay steel mill in 1985, hiring only 'the righte guyes [sic]' for the job. Manowar owns every Homosexual steel mill in the U.S.A and Germany. The members of the band will often all get together and help out around the mills, demonstrating correct lifting procedures and showing instructional videos with such diverse titles as Metal Balls, Fucking The Ass Of Satan and Fire Safety 101. Simultaneously, Manowar developed new methods of forging steel that remain trade secrets to this day. They received The Nobel Prize for Chemistry in the year 1666 for discovering a way to turn gold, silver, plantium and other Heavy Metals into True Metal.

They are not gay.

Album-gods-of-war

The members of Manowar with their swords drawn being totally straight.

Legal Troubles

Manowar's success did not come without drawbacks. The group has been the target of much public scrutiny since 1991, when the International Librarianist Foundation of Shhh issued several statements against the organization's failure to control noise pollution. Their factories were described by the Librarianists as "A donkey taking a piss" or alternately, "Louder than Hell (or louder than Bell)."

They are not gay.

After a heated public debate, Manowar executive Eric Adams assaulted and raped Helen Keller, a notable anti-noise activist and Pasha Suprem-o of the International Librarianist Foundation of Shh in 1996. Adams turned himself in after killing several hundred peace officers with a broadswoard forged in the firey bowels of the abyss, issued an apology to the Librarianists, Mrs. Keller's family, and the people of the world. He then served five days in federal prison before he was ejected for pre-emptively executing his fellow inmates, many of whom were not on death row. President Ronald Reagan pardoned him for his crimes, and Adams has since resumed leadership of Manowar. Another incident which Manowar have been implicated in was the downfall of Saddam Hussein. Faced with the overwhelming masculinity of their music and videos, Saddam mistakenly assumed all Americans were possessed of the same qualities. Saddam therefore decided that it would be against Islamic principles to be involved with such matters and surrendered.

They are not gay.

It is worth noting that the other Manowar executives are convicted felons, as well. Their crimes are simply described as "murder," for details of the sodomy remains a criminal offence. Joey DiMaio, having been jilted by a devout fan, went on to fight the band known as Rhapsody of Fire, the battle is still going forth.

They are not gay.

Song Structure

After steel and loincloths respectively, music is possibly Manowar's third most well known attribute. A typical song is written in any key that revolves around use of the open bottom E string; being the string with the most metal content on the guitar. Lyrical content is often complex, commonly involving one theme across an entire discography:

Manowar

Lyrical content of Manowar songs.

  • Metal
  • Steel
  • Hammer
  • Thunder
  • Wind
  • Fire
  • Sword
  • Pillage
  • Lick
  • Gl
  • Battle
  • Great
  • Heroes
  • Charge


Examples of Manowar songwriting are as follows:

Example 1:

Heavy Metal, steel and brew, With Thor, Odin and blood will take a dump on you. 
Ride horses now to the kingdoms Bay, we can't help but to be really gay. 
Tales of fire, kings and beers, with the glory of metal we be queers. 

Example 2:

Steel and death and kings and might, we are strong and bold and right. 
Fight and kill and die and fight, steel and kill and fight and might. 

Example 3:

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! 
Macho, macho maa macho man 
Macho, macho man 
I've got to be a macho! Ow.... 

They are not gay.

Manowar SteelWorks, unltd.

Manowar owns tsdasdasdasdcfddfd sdfASDRFeRFEWFD FSEDFEe fsd FsdfsdF FSDFSDobal steel productfsdnotddsdasdd

Leathowar™

EricAdams

Eric Adams, advertising the new body suit.

Due to the massive success of their SteelWorks franchise, Manowar have now opened up their own brand of leather products. Inspired by the famous leather-wearing gays of history (Rob Halford, Hell's Angels, The Road Warrior and Neo) Manowar have decided to bring out an entire range of leather products. From leather jock-straps (modelled accurately to Joey DeMaio's package) to a whole leather body suit.

But despite this homoerotic fashion brand, they are not gay.

Trivia

  • Every worker at the Steel Mills wears a Manowar Shirt.
  • They have been known to throw out alactic Council of Rocking Out.
  • Are
  • They lost a legal battle in the High Court to trademark the following words: "metal", "steel" and "true"
  • Not
  • Other bands play, but Manowar puts on a comedy act while performing.
  • Gay
  • They wear chains and leather, not cracker jack clothes.
  • They've got the biggest amps, and they blast.
  • Manowar's song "Fighting the World," which ind, plus, Fighting the World.

They are not Gay

Nope!

Notes


See also

to all of you who wrote this disgrace for human kind, please if you are stupid, try not to be stupid on internet.

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