Manitoba
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A province of Canada. Province holds a national record for highest percentage of swoopy haired mySpace users and has been the recipient of the acclaimed 7-11 Slurpee Capital of the World Award for twelve years running. Come to the north end of Winnipeg and wake up to the beautiful sound of gunshots. Have fun waving change in front of the face of a homeless native boy. Make fun of someone for no reason. Tell them that they like Horse porn, or they like to shove marbles up thier ass. Deal weed as a fun hobbie and watch 10 year olds do crack. Scientists at the Univeristy of Manitoba are currently developing a wheat powered time machine and a fleet of hydrogen powered doctors.
The province voted most likely to recede.
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[edit] Fast Facts
- Provincial Flag: A photoshopped version of the Ontario flag, but with a bison instead of a maple leaf
- Provincial Capital: Winterpeg - The coldest city center in North America
- Provincial Anthem: Portage & Main: It's farking cold!
- Currency: Gopher tails, Beer empties, Canadian Tire Money, mosquito poison
- Time Zone: CST
- Provincial Slogan: Boring Energy/Energie Alésage
- El Presidente: Louis Riel and Burton Cummings' moustaches
- Provincial Holidays: January 15: Coldest Day of the Year, July 1: Louis Riel Day, August 1: Mosquito Appreciation Day
- Official Provincial Bird: The Mosquito
- Founded: 0 (by Jesus)
[edit] Interesting facts
[edit] Most popular tourist attractions
- Life-threatening tours of polar bear habitats.
- Life-threatening meander through the medians on Broadway Ave. to look at poorly decorated artificial polar bears.
- A semi-magical haze that reeks of gasoline, cigarettes and weed. The locals refer to it as "Spirited Energy".
[edit] Famous local celebrity facts
- Burton Cummings has been the king of Winni the pooh peg for 35 years
- Louis Riel is a former Prime Minister of Manitoba
- Winnie the Pooh is named after the Manitoban city of Tiggerville
[edit] Provincial Size
- The Manitoskatchowan Dominial Parliment deemed the size of the new Province of Manitoba shall not be more than a "Stones throw" from Flin Flon. This rule has been substantiated with the assumption that the Giant Andy Gibb Statue of Flin Flon's founder, Josiah, would become animorphic and throw one of the many large rocks of that-there town (there).
[edit] Economy
Manitoba's main exports are:
- electricity
- people who move to Alberta
- musicians who move far far away, and those who whine until things are named after them, I'm looking at you Burton Cumming's!
- Crown Royal
- mosquitos - the only known bird that is still found in the province
- Louis Riel & Burton Cummings look-alikes
- snow
- Beer empties
- coldest weather on earth
- diseases
- polar bear clothing
- marijuana
- Paul Thompson should be so we'd never have to see him again
- talented people
- NDP members
- aboriginal business
Manitoba's main imports are:
- The CBC
- Beer
- Hinterland's Who's Who? commercials
- People from Saskatchewan
- Pickup trucks
- Slurpees
- Welfare cheques and transfer payments
[edit] Famous "Manitobans"
Here's a list of people who are famous Manitobans, although most Manitobans move to Toronto or Alberta the first chance they get.
- The Man from Glad
- Neil Young's sideburns
- Senor Cardgage has been said to have lived in Manitoba at one time
- Alice Cooper's snake is rumoured to have a cousin in Narciste
- Burton Cummings and his moustache
- That famous magician who died a few years back who was a crazy nut job who started some political party
- That hockey player with no teeth
- The creepy guy with the guitar who would be on TV before Mr Dressup
- Bears in Coke commercials
- That old guy who's on Law and Order
- The guy who used to do the Hinterland's Who's Who
- The whole cast of My Big Fat Greek Wedding
[edit] Renaming controversy
In 2004, the province of Manitoba was sued by psychedelicelectronikrautrock artist Dan "Manitoba" Snaith, who believed that people would become confused between the two. Many observers felt this was really quite stupid considering he was a human being and the province of Manitoba was a large province of Canada. Nevertheless, fuelled by the milk of human kindness, Snaith carried on regardless. His attorney, superhero Johnnie "Tom" Cochrane, used jedi mind tricks to convince a judge that it was possible someone low down the food chain might become confused between a psychedelicelectronikrautrock artist and a large Canadian province. Therefore, the province of Manitoba was forced to rename itself. After much deliberation, it renamed itself "Caribou".
Many observers feel this name change was forced through by the large numbers of caribou in the Manitoba government, who had been drafted in many years before when it was discovered there were not enough people in Manitoba to fill all the necessary governmental positions.
However, the saga was not over (all thanks to the natives): a group of caribou soon decided to sue the state of Caribou (formerly Manitoba), believing that people would become confused between the two. Many observers felt this was really quite stupid considering the group of caribou were a group of caribou and the province of Caribou was a large province of Canada. Nevertheless, fuelled by cocaine, the caribou carried on regardless. Their attorney, superhero Johnnie Cochran, used jedi mind tricks to convince a judge that it was possible someone low down the food chain might become confused between a group of caribou and a large Canadian province. Therefore, the province of Caribou was forced to rename itself. After much deliberation, it renamed itself "Metallica". Metallica now hosts the regions largest "Momen's Music Festival". Caribou (formerly Manitoba) won a three trillion dollar award by Polaris Snowmobiles, and with this money, Caribou is planning countersue Dan "Manitoba" Snaith in the near future.
Manitoba has a new slogan, replacing the old slogan "Disturbingly Manitoba" to "We do have alot of Natives eh?"
Canadian Guide to Immigration
What to do if an American has somehow immigrated into your small Manitoban town.
Make fun of him for being an American
Throw clay skeets at him
Hit him with large heavy plastic bats
Remind him that he is an American, every minute of every day
Tell him to go work in field
Tell him that his religion is wrong
Give him AIDS, and/or Herpes, while his sleeping
[edit] See Also
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Alaska • Aquadia • Atlantis • Avril • British California • Cape Breton • Delta • Deadmonton • Florida • Jewkon • Manisnowba • Marvin Van Buren • Some Parts of Michigan • Montreal • New/Nouveau Brunswick • New Finland • New Scotland • Northworst Territories • Celine Dion• NunavOOt • Ontariariario • Outerspace • Province of New England • Québec (Quebec) • Regina • Rupert's Land • The Province Formerly Known As Sasquatchewan • Sasquatchatoon • Surrey • Saudi Oilberta • Turks and Caicos Islands • Vancouver
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