Manifest Destiny
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[edit] True Events of Manifest Destiny
In 1620 Evil Jesus founded Jamestown, along with the other 50 states, except for Indiana, which was created by God. Wanting to get away from Evil Jesus in search of wealth, one of the original settlers of Jamestown, Dwight D. Eisenhower, created the Interstate system. His purpose was to continue Christopher Columbus's attempt to find India by going through the United States. Though hindered by the Tree Huggers who whined about the expressway contributing to Global Warming, The interstate was completed in 1613, seven years before it started. After the United States expanded all the way to California, Then-President Oscar Wilde gave all people the Right to vote. Evil Jesus, who created California, the set sail west for India. Much like Christopher Columbus, he made a navigational error. Instead of landing in India, he landed in Japan. He then bought all of their VCRs, Cars, and Televisions, and ended up dying rich and lonely
[edit] How did it start and what it is now
Manifest Destiny is older then time itself which means it started around the years of unrecorded date which should land us around 10,000-6,515 B.C. or around some were in the unknown future A.D. Using then what was called "Imperialism" (making sure that they are legal anywhere because we are tired of them) to make sure that neighboring groups of people would not be foreign to the stronger power that kicked the smaller power in the nuts then gave them a new T-shirt (flag.) This was considered wrong since these smaller powers were being bullied and could have kids when they grew up and so everyone kicked the bullies in the nuts and lived their own lives with their own T-shirts.
Now they found Imperialism in an orphanage and gave him a new name this name is now called Manifest Destiny and forgot about all the protrusive things that Imperialism has done in its past. Living a new life only in America were anything can call itself safe unless you are not American or have veryffuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkyuopuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuget closer to their enemies. Thus "Keep your friends close and you enemies closer" that way you can kill them with deadly diseases.
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In the
Encyclopedia Americana, "Manifest Destiny" is an oft-used 19th Century euphemism for "Imperialism", a much misunderstood Media:Example.ogg As was our duty as Americans, it was our Manifest Destiny to take for America that which was America's. Thence forth we defeated Mexico out of duty to the Mexicans, reluctantly accepted the South-West, begrudgingly occupied Texas, with hesitation --69.121.210.46 02:36, November 5, 2009 (UTC)conquered the desert at a perilous risk to ourselves, conquered the South in self-defense, and invaded Cuba in outrage at the failure of the Spanish to repair the U.S.S. Maine's boilers for us. We are a timid, homely people, but we talk loudly and carry a stick whose size is second only to the size of the chip we carry upon our shoulder! Bully!
[edit] The Necessity of Manifest Destiny
There once was a dark time in U.S. history. The North American continent rumbled and shook as billions of immigrants from places other than Mexico moved to the west because God told them to. Well, it wasn’t actually God, it was really a prophet named John O’Sullivan who God told that to. Today we are experiencing and enduring the consequences that we like to call Manifest Destiny. It was too aggressive and unpractical. Namely, Mormons.
How bad of a mistake was Manifest Destiny? Let’s ask the Native Americans. Oh wait, they are all busy running casinos. Because of mankind’s premature imagination of a dream of spreading democracy and gambling across North America, the Native Americans were removed from their homeland and sent away to a pre-approved gambling reservations due to the Poker Act of 1830. Today only a very small fraction of Casino owners have Native American blood in them. There is not only few Native Americans alive, but their culture was forever lost when they were forced to convert to Scientology. Some of their most important traditions are forgotten, such as scalping people, throwing tomahawks, and saying Howe!
Red people are just always high
On the Manifest Destiny, we went to war with the Native American slot machines. They were blocking America’s pathway to hold triple 7s. Too bad someone else already had their eye and hand there a long time ago. It was Great Britain and Ethiopia.
Originally, America’s plan was to have Canada. The Eskimos(Canada’s ruler at the time because it was their colony) however, were terrible at running casinos and brothels. Seriously, all they did was hunt caribou. That made the U.S. chase after Oregon instead, which had a markedly lower Eskimo population. Oregon still had British rule over it and did not want to give it up without playing a game of Texas Hold'em(It was actually called Tejas Hold'em at the time). The U.S. could have been in debt for the third, and definitely not the last, time with Britain (Revolutionary Spades War, Poker War of 1812, and then maybe a War of Tejas Hold'em) in a time span of about 60 years. This would have terribly weakened the U.S. because the U.S. didn't have a very good poker face at the time.
Some were opposed to this. Some might have said that that we would have had to displace the Native Americans some time or another, to make way for the Mafia. That is perhaps true, but we don’t know if we could have formed a society where the Native American culture could have formed in the Mafia make one super criminal organization.
Manifest Destiny is used by the Mormons, which have more than 5 wives. My professer told me that one time he kicked a steak and it was obvious fate he was gonna drop it. Anyway, this bullcrap is all false and has had no role on history as we know, unless you are reffering to 9/11.
