Man
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“They suck. Luckily.”
~ Oscar Wilde on men
In the beginning god created "woman". The women governed the land but god got sick of hearing complaints and fucking nagging and bitching. God decided to create Man to restore order and to put the women back in their place, which would now become what was then known as "Keptchanie" which translates into "kitchen". Men have been known for incredible acts of pure power. Scientists believe that Women in fact created "cancer" and there has been substantial evidence that "women" are behind most outbreaks of disease because of their jealous rage of the man and better looking women.
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[edit] Origins
Whilst "science" supposedly demonstrates that man has evolved from apes over millions of years, this theory is considered by some to be hogwash. I mean, you only have to look at an ape to know that this is ridiculous. Apes can't talk and they can't drive cars, nor can they speak English. However, the bestselling books the Bible and Koran claim that man (and woman) were created by God out of some clay. This is a much more credible claim, as is proven by the fact that millions of people in America and the Middle East believe it. Yeah, bitch, where is your Richard Dawkins now?
[edit] Domination of Earth
Man rose to be the dominant creature on the planet Earth mostly by hunting animals and eating them. And by building and wearing clothes. Man also invented other things to help him dominate the Earth, such as the electric light (to see in the dark); the car (to take him all over the world); the train (to carry the heavy load - monoliths, for instance) and the bullet (for the war, which comes when he meets other men who compete with him for resources or have a strongly-opposing ideology). Men achieved these feats with their faculties of unparallell logic. When faced with problems they will either 'get hormonal' (not really 'hormonal', as testosterone is involved) and obliterate the problem; or use the yet-more powerful logic. Women rely on intuition, empathy, and social skills; but when did that ever get you anywhere but screwed? Men will clear up most interpersonal misunderstandings with a Philips screwdriver, some rope, a Texas Instruments calculator and binary code for the moron opposite you who can't read your lips. The infallability of this method was proven ontologically in Descartes' Seventh Meditation. Descartes was for the record one of the first rationalists.
[edit] Manly pleasures
Men are the only species in the planet whose brains are actually in their penises. So what do men like? Women. Well, most of them like women but there are some who like other men, these men are known as "da guurly-men". There are still other men who prefer the company of little boys, these men are known as "seedy".
Regardless of who they like to be with, there are some things all men like. These include beer which is so popular with men that it's found anywhere in the world in which men can be found.
[edit] Good Men
The dapper man of today must always think to himself, what is the modern way of life? What are we to do with our brillcreme, yogurt tins, and the calculus? We may have studied well and in school earned very high marks. But what does it lead to, pray tell? What more is there to life than simply making money and getting good grades? What about the state of the nation, the sagging economy, the downtrodden looks on the faces of our clowns and entertainers?
The nice young men can take care of this. They stand for 'good values, wholesomeness, a can-do attitude, and they love their mothers so very much (and their wives!!)'. And with this great love comes the responsiblity of keeping them in line. Some men settle with just beating their wives, but a good man will beat his mother too, if she needs it. Indeed, these fine young men are the future of the nation, and if they learn properly the values that will stand them in good stead in the eyes of their fellows, and the lord our savior Jesus Christ as well, can really make a go of it in life. They won't be the sad and loser types. They are up an at 'em, go getter, wonderful, young men.
[edit] See also
