Mainstream

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“The four songs we play all day never get old! ”
~ Z100 on Mainstream

Mainstream (also known as the "Bleeding Ears Syndrome") or otherwise referred to as "Fuck not that enoying chorus again" or "Ohhh God please kill me!!" is a phenomenon caused mainly by The Beatles and as always The United States. It started in the golden year of 1901 when the moustache man of mystery Adolf Hitler touched his body furiosly trying to find his G-spot. He invented a way to play at his moustache using his fingers and his stiff moustache hairs which currently wasn't otherwise engaged. It was a genious way for poor Adolf to pass the time as he waited to be elected king over the universive in the "Dictator of the year"-election of 1901 1/2. He played all day long, and soon started to experiment. He made a guitar out of an flag pole and played with himself.

Then Ze Allies came. Hitler was terrified and didn't want his massive weapon of minimum imploding to be stolen. He therefore gave the guitar to his closest man Schneider Lemon, who stupidly fled to Britain to hide from "ze" allies. There he tryed to brainwash the habitants of England and therefore started to play hypnotic messages in reverse trying to convert them into nazists. He got no success. Then some pretty ugly bastards wanted to get laid and started a band of monstrous noice with Shneider called The Beatles. He changed his name from Schneider Lemon to John Lennon and they instantly became famous due to the known bad taste of the unthinking majority.

edit How it became mainstream to be mainstream

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Mainstream.

The Beatles key to success was their ability to play the same music over and over again and making songs with disturbingly catchy lyrics and irritating riffs. They had soon conquered the whole world. Everyone tried to make the same sort of music to get laid and didn't succeed. Then they didn't try at all, and suddenly a Beatles-ripoff was born. This music was everywhere, and the last reasonable inhabitants of our world got bombarded with mainstream-music 24/7. The disease that strikes the reasonable humans is something similar to HIV, and it breaks down your defense against bad music and gradually takes control of your brain. This disease is called Mainstreams disease.

edit The Victims

It has later been known that mainstream music and blonde popstars with big boobs has to this day killed about two people with good music taste all over the world. They were mostly killed by age while listening to Fall Out Boy. One drowned himself in an empty bathtub after listening to the radio, hearing to much hip-hop for his mind to bear. Therefore i suggest we look up all pop-artists in the world including those calling themselves musicians like Britney Stick and Christina Iwillkillyougeira in a house, kind of like Big Brother. But instead of letting them fuck around, we will play their music to them for about a year or so. This treatment will make sure that they will not make that crappy "Nanananaaaaa" music again. Otherwise our generation will be referred to as "The Vicitims Of Mainstream in the 11th century".

edit Why is it popular?

Due to the generic, boring and otherwise shitty sound of mainstream music, some may wonder, "Why do people listen to this shit?" Well the answer is simple. Most people are as dumb as a dried up piece of squirrel shit. They just listen to whatever MTV or Z100 says is good. However, these popular mediums do not look for good music to promote. That would require effort. Instead they find random homeless people on the streets or just kidnap children with mental disabilities and give them a microphone. The average musician featured on Z100 has brain function in only two fifths of their brain. Those listening to these networks do not notice because they are too busy following the steeple as they are herded off a cliff, into the deep dark abyss of ignorance and conformity where they play Flo Rida's shitty version of Right Round all day long.

edit Is There Good Mainstream Music??

Surprisingly, good music manages to leak into the mainstream. This is a growing problem that MTV is trying to fix. This lead to the rise of mainstream musicians who were actually GOOD, such as The Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, Metallica, The Offspring, and The Killers. MTV is dealing with this problem. They fear that if their sheep get a taste of music that doesn't suck, they may listen to something else. Or worse. MTV and Z100 would have to promote..... GOOD MUSIC! THE HORROR! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP! If they are to continue supporting the mentally challenged, they need to rid the world of this music and they have been working around the clock to do so. For an example, the death of Cliff Burton from Metallica was no accident. The guy driving the tour bus that killed him was an MTV spy!

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