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Somebody touch me.

Today's Featured Article - Arthur C. Clarke

Hal9k

Arthur Charles Clarke (16 December 1917 – 19 March 2008) is a world-famous fortune teller who lived much of his life far away from everything (that is, in Sri Lanka) so he could write outlandish science fiction novels. Born in Minehead, England, he grew up daydreaming and doing nothing, which naturally led him to a high-ranking position in the Royal Air Force. After singlehandedly winning World War II using radars and articles about satellites, he embarked on a writing career. Despite getting help from Stanley Kubrick, Isaac Asimov, and various weird aliens, his literary wit was limited to "Woohoo! Spaceships! Aliens! Spaceships and aliens! In space!!" He became famous in latter life as the author of three versions of essentially the same book, and as a guy who looked dreamy-eyed into a camera whilst talking about unexplained phenomena.

Clarke made a large number of claims, which some have linked to his rampant self-absorption. In 1942, he successfully claimed to have invented the typewriter and underwear, whilst less than a year later he claimed water was based on one of his earlier ideas. Among his future predictions was a colony on the moon, a space elevator, a utopian society on Earth and widespread space travel. Have those things happened yet? Well, I'm sure the eggheads are working on it... While we're waiting, we can read some nice science fiction about it.

Clarke is the author of numerous science fiction novels, such as Childhood's Beginning, Fountains of Wank, and his groundbreaking novel Rendezvous Without Rama. Because of a massive writer's block, many of his writings were short stories - his best known short story is If I Forget Thee, Oh Earth, about a rather serious case of amnesia. (more...)

Recently featured: Arthur C. Clarke

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Batman (Movies), featured on 21 February 2014. See the featured version.
Uncle Tom, featured on 21 February 2013. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*...that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?

In the news

On this day...

February 21: Rearlee rong spelin dai (Amerika, Cannerderr and Grate Britten)
  • 1769 - Ozzy Osbourne bourne.
  • 1873 - 1337, 7h3 wr0ng 5p3111ng, app3ar5.
  • 1895 - Wyoming and Collorado jion together as one state.
  • 1904 - Art Deco is born in Grand Rapids, Michigan to Dick and Deena Deco.
  • 1919 - Wurst fowl-up of pealed bore eight buy sum-won who's grandma wee warship like yawl due ware yew mite in whales.
  • 1933 - Hiter beeganz kanzer warr.
  • 1936 - Grey becoumes everyoune's favourite colour
  • 1976 - Vetanam conkered bye Amerikan Arme.
  • 2000 - Some adventurous Uncyclopedian makes a 'Selected Anniversaries' entry which is grammatically perfect, using proper English and without spelling mistakes; his reasoning being that just because something is not true, it does not mean that it has to be nonsensical.
  • 2004 - Mexican becomes official language of California.
  • 2006 - So I herd u liek Mudkip.
  • 2007 - Amerikass fayveryte brekfirst beecums "Scramah egg, baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy"
  • 2008 - Chiknees peple dye becuz of ratz yer.

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Delicious, according to Quakers.

Image Credit: GUN   SIR  MAC  BOSWELL  Knightssword   [†]  09:24, February 7, 2014 (UTC)
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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