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Poo Lit Surprise Logo The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. Poo Lit Surprise Logo
Somebody touch me.

Today's Featured Article - Lana Del Rey

Lana 4

Lana Del Rey (species: cantante melancholica) is an American singer, songwriter, and model, whose brand of melancholy has become an anthem of sorts to millions of effeminate men who dote on the songstress though none of them would ever ask her out on a date. Lana defeated Beyonce and Marina and the Diamonds for that honor, winning a fistfight on the grounds of Coachella in 2012. Her song Video Games spread quickly over the Internet among emotional teenagers and melodramatic gamers.

She has caused spikes in flower sales in cities that she performs in. During one of her shows, the lawn seats were covered with over 30,000 flowers after a performance, which surely owes to more than just the patrons' restless legs syndrome.

Lana Del Rey also influenced the 2015 Obergefell v. Hodges decision after releasing This is What Makes Us Gays, a song celebrating gender activism a few years earlier. Justice Anthony Kennedy said he was inspired by the song and gave her a "shout-out" in his majority opinion. Late Justice Potter Stewart emerged from the crypt to write a concurring opinion, stating, "I can't describe it but I know solid gold when I hear it!!!"

Her first album under her stage name Lana Del Rey, Born to Die, was released in January of 2012 and it received mixed reviews. Rolling Stoners called it "more fun than lung cancer", while more critical reviews called it "sad in an unintended way" and "worse than Smurfs 2". Later that year, Lana Del Rey released the Paradise EP along with her short film Tropico. The film unironically casted actors to play the parts of Jesus, Elvis Presley, and Marilyn Monroe in the opening scene, which perfectly predicted the quality of the whole film. 2014 saw the release of Ultraviolence and Lana's attempt to be taken seriously among songs such as "Saddest Girl" and "Sucked My Way Up to the Top". (more...)

Recently featured: Lana Del Rey

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Featured UnScripts:Prometheus, featured on 29 July 2013. See the featured version.
Hot indiscriminate sex, featured on 18 July 2008. See the featured version.Hot indiscriminate sex, featured on {{{date}}}. See the featured version.
UnRecipe:Fantastik flavored hallucinogenic ham with Uranium seasoning, featured on 29 July 2011. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*...that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
  • ...that a broken clock is correct twice a day?
  • ...that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
  • ...that a broken clock is correct twice a day?
  • ...that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
  • ...that a broken clock is correct twice a day?
  • ...that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?

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HMUDeclaration

Jülÿ 29: Hëävÿ Mëtäl Ümläüt Däÿ

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Lance brick

When it was invented, the lance with a brick on the end was considered a marvel of contemporary medieval war technology. The lance with a brick on the end made it possible for unexperienced, n00b knights to defeat 1337 knights using the old-fashioned, brick-free lances nine times out of ten. The vast superiority of the lance with a brick on the end led to its near-universal adoption within a period of less than two decades. Note that the n00b knight on the right also has an Apexi "Cat back" muffler system on his head, which is first evidence that riceboys existed as early as the 14th century.

Image Credit: Sunsneezer
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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