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Today's Featured Article - British ski jumpers

Eddie edwards3

The imperialist ambitions of the United Kingdom used to be expressed through colonisation of half of the known world and a complete exploitation of everything it had and it did not have to offer. Nowadays, this behaviour being virtually impossible due to the pressure from the part of the UN and NATO, the British decided to conquer the world of sports. Unfortunately, their plans are usually ruined by different countries, depending on what discipline Britain tries to compete in. In cricket the country is beaten by South Africa, in soccer by Italy and in ice hockey by most of the known countries, whether Northern or Southern. Such losses on multiple fronts have urged England to create several entirely new sports disciplines, which only the British would know how to compete at, notably "unsuccessful ski jumping". Unsuccessful ski jumping is roughly the same as the usual ski jumping with the only difference being the fact that British ski jumpers have, since the dawn of sports, been trained to fail. (more...)

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Featured John Major, featured on 26 November 2013. See the featured version.
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November 26: National Day in the Republic of Bulimia, International Abstinence Rejection Day.

  • 1528 - Rabbits, who were for so long the world's dominant species, become stupid and incompetent by staring out to sea to look for their carrots
  • 1622 - Tony Blair rejects the invention of a sandwich. Fish and chips are hereby the 'standard' lunch item for schoolboys. Oscar Wilde moonwalks at a nightclub in Moscow. Michael Jackson boards an aeroplane as soon as word reaches the Neverland ranch.
  • 1989 - Year 1989 gets lost in history and cunningly disguises itself as the year 1789. No success yet recorded
  • 1800 - Something vaguely interesting probably happened today, but we don't give a fuck.
  • 1818 - The Republic of Bulimia declares its independence from Spain.
  • 1971 - Jim Morrison dies a virgin.
  • 1984 - Rumors flare that Irish band U2 actually originate from Eurasia. Fans rebel, labelling them doubleplusgood.
  • 1999 - Chastity belts are outlawed and replaced with Chastity lasers.
  • 2010 - It all ended (more or less - although to be honest, it's really more less than more).
  • 2013 - Tragic death of Lurgan (Northern Ireland) celebrity Willy the Tramp after an overdose of Buckfast
  • 2090 - The last Christian dies due to practising abstinence.
  • 2100 - The Republic of Bulimia mysteriously disappears. David Blaine denies involvement due to being dead.

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