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Today's featured article

The Radical Republicans were an abolitionist faction of the Republican Party from the mid 1850s to the end of Reconstruction. They were vehemently opposed to slavery, believed in a strong central government, and supported the X-Games, burger shacks, shredding, and all things totally tubular. In the senate, their leader was Thaddeus "Da Bomb Diggity" Stevens. In the House of Representatives, Charles "Wicked Bitchin'" Sumner lead the faction. Abraham Lincoln's status as a radical republican is actually somewhat debatable. Lincoln privately expressed strong anti-slavery feelings and could bust out a diesel acid soul, but he publicly was often harshly criticized by other radicals for being too slow to end slavery, and never even trying to go bio on his 540s. Still, Lincoln appointed many radicals to high cabinet positions, most notably Edward "Big Time" Stanton, Lincoln's secretary of Being Totally Gnarly, and also War. (more...)

Yesterday's featured article

You hear him shout it proudly as he rushes into the kitchen, demanding that you follow him out so he can show you the extermination camp furnace he's been hard at work building in the garden shed all morning. But when you look, he's already fired it up and the chimney is belching thick, oily smoke and the stench of burning human flesh all over the clean laundry you hung out to dry! (more...)

Featured one year ago today

Jimmy the Cowboy, featured on 27 December 2008. See the featured version.

Did you know...

  • ...that 99% of heroin users started out on milk?
  • ...that Yanni did more than just make music and be sexy?
  • ...that if your parents do not have any children, there is a 100% chance that you won't have any either?
  • ...that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
  • ...that at the moment, I'm not wearing any pants?
  • ...that God designed testicles just because he thought it would a be laugh riot?

In the news

  • England and France having Chunnel trouble.
  • Jedi mourn loss of franchise income.
  • Americans experiencing bullshit fatigue

On this day...

Simply stunned at his victory.

December 28: Penis Appreciation Day (Not Lesbos), Day of the Not-so-Innocents (Spain, Portugal, South America)

  • 23 - Penis apreciation day invented by Jesus. Not realising his mate Judas and the entire roman army was less well hung he would regret it one day.
  • 1963 - Paul Hindemith's pancreas explode, killing him a second time and 36 others a first time as he flew over Lakewurst, New Jersey. The music community rejoices once more.
  • 2004 - Deciding they also liked Mondays superheroes planned a combined assault on Bob Geldoff. After an hour of the Hoff's singing and Mr T's pittying the devastating blow came when Darth Vader told Geldoff who his father was. This caused him to spontaneously combust all over Pauline Fowlers scowl.
  • 2006 - Uncyclopedians lose count at the sheer number of anniversaries with Penises in them.
  • 2007 - World economy goes into meltdown as penis appreciation day lasts until August 15th 2008. This only ends when lesbians attempt to seize control of the earth. Millions would die in the conflict
  • 2009 - It is rumoured that Bob geldoff will return to fight the final battle between good and evil one day. The Vatican, the CIA and Micheal Stipe all deny this.
  • 2072 - America elects its new Emperor, The Noid.
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

J.D. Salinger wrote a book about baseball or bread or something.

Image Credit: RadicalX
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Recent Articles

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More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas

Writer and Noob of the Month

Aboard the starship Event Horizon. Two men face each other for the last time. One of them, Miller, is trying his best to keep his last grains of sanity, quickly slipping away, while staring into the horror that is his adversary.

Miller: What are you?

Adversary: You know.

Miller: You want me to believe you're the Devil, well, I don't, that's bullshit!

Adversary: I'm not the Devil.

Miller: Then what, what are you? Tell me...

Adversary: Better if I just show you.

His hands reach down and he grabs Miller by the skull. Miller gasps as he sees a series of snapshots...

A news desk coffee stains, an old battered microphone, a bearded hulk, dirt under the rollers

Miller: NO!!!!

Adversary: I'm not the Devil. I'm much, much older. I watched the Beginning and I will see the End. I am the dark behind the stars. I am the dark inside you all. I am Zim_ulator

Miller: NO!!!!!!!

Zim_ulator: I'm not asking you to believe me. You'll see for yourself... and so will the rest of your Uncyclopedians. I'm going now to the other side, AND YOU'RE ALL COMING WITH ME!


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