Today's Featured Article - F4
F4 is one of the more notorious keys of the keyboard. F4 is actually a contraction of the original spelling "ffff", which was first used in 1982 century by the great programmer Ffffrancis Ffffiddleton, so that he could contract his name when writing it out on his computer. Since then, F4 has taken on many other uses and functions however to this day, the default setting of F4 is to type out four fs.
Linguistically, ffff is known as a sustained unvoiced labiodental fricative with an aspirated termination. The sound is not unlike that of someone slashing your bike tires or speaking through a hole in one's throat.
To produce the purest ffff sound, however, have a friend start saying "ffffffffff", then when they get to the third f, jab them in the stomach, not too hard but not too pansy-like. You will be richly rewarded with a superbly intonated ffff. This is great fun at parties.
The F4 key is a key found on most keyboards in between the F3 and the F5 key and most often above the number 4 key though sometimes a little to the left. On some keyboards the F4 key is actually the number 4 key with F4 in blue in the bottom right corner in a much smaller font than the F4 key. It can only be pressed if you hold down the blue FN key. There is no F4 key on typewriters as typewriters cannot carry out functions. (more...)
Yesterday's Featured Article - Napoleonic Wars
The Napoleonic Wars were a series of conflicts that swirled around a cross Corsican named Napoleon Bonaparte. Napoleon was too short to be a king but barely tall enough for the title of Emperor, a rank sufficient to accomplish the longstanding French dream — creation of a unified Europe run not entirely by the Germans. Waging this war let him plant his flag — and seed — in every country he crossed. As a result, everyone in Europe loves France and there are many short people in villages throughout the continent.
During the conflict, the French were supported by many diverse countries, such as Spain, up to the very moment that France invaded them. They were opposed by shifting coalitions of Britain, Austria, Russia, and Prussia. Britain's UKIP maintains the fight against Napoleon even today.
At the beginning, Napoleon extended his empire everywhere on the continent that did not matter to Britain and Russia. This was not successful in making the Russians and British capitulate. He then invaded Russia, which did not work either. (more...)
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In the news
On this day...
| |July 11: International Pull My Finger Day
; Fake Fart Appreciation Day (Rural Alabama, Georgia)
- BC 1250 - John Titor present at the Battle of Troy but leaves upon discovering absence of internet discussion boards to incessantly babble on.
- 1307 - Walter Tell, offspring of the famed archery enthusiast William Tell, pioneered the art of Interpretive Death by creatively expiring after suffering a major crossbow incident.
- 1796 - The United States takes possession of Detroit from Great Britain under the terms of the Jay Treaty. Great Britain immediately regrets this transaction when the Detroit Red Wings win the Stanley Cup in 1798.
- 1804 - Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton is mortally wounded in a duel with United States Vice President Aaron Burr in the last major political duel before the Political Dueling Edict of 1822 was imposed by the new generation of sissy-boy lawmakers.
- 1859 - A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens is published. Oscar Wilde immediately parodies many of Dickens' concepts in his novel the Picture of Dorain Gray.
- 1864 - The American Civil War does not live up to its name as a Civil War, as pleasantries are barely exchanged before the Battle of Fort Stevens.
- 1925 - Famous monster Oscar the Grouch (pictured) is born in the slums of Sesame Street. He does not earn the added moniker of "Grouch" until he resorts to selling candy to children after bedtime following a long string of hardships.
- 1955 - John Titor arrives in Hill Valley after being fired in 2037 from his radio gig, seeks out Doc Brown's counsel about how to get really rich.
- 1961 - President Kennedy has sex with his wife, initiating J. Edgar Hoover's investigation of cross dressing in organized crime, the State Department and Marks and Spencer's Men's Department.
- 1963 - John Titor becomes billionaire on betting on the World Series. Later returns to 2036 and retires.
- 1997 - Prime Minister John Major loses election after telling a "pull my finger" joke to the Queen, creating a grave scandal. She was later overheard to say that "We are most assuredly not amused".
- 2000 - A person called John Titor claims to be a time traveler from the year 2036 on several internet discussion boards. Many Coast To Coast AM listeners immediately believe him and the guy who said President Obama was born in a large, purple egg laid by an ostrich from the Crab Nebula.
- 2001 - Tony Blair legalizes public same sex farting in the Commonwealth, violating the Statute Of Westminster (1931) (a law which says the UK should mind its own business and get lost).
- 2002 - Tony Blair's farting legalisation is rescinded when Queen Elizabeth II farts on bill rather than granting the Royal Assent. Protesters at Buckingham Palace fart in the Queen's general direction.
- 2012 - Dennis Rader still a useless, disgusting, sick murdering bastard.
- 2013 - Barry Manilow's nose explodes after he falls for a "pull my finger joke". Gas comes out wrong orifice, killing 43.
- 2036 - John Titor returns to his own time and takes over hosting duties on Coast To Coast AM, opening with his signature line "Na na na na, told you so!".
- 2037 - John Titor fired as radio host for being obnoxious. Returns to 1955, becomes billionaire betting the last 82 FA Cup Finals, World Series and Super Bowls.