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Today's Featured Article - The X-HEIRS

XHeirs1

In the study of a large mansion, a strange and silent man sits motioness, brooding... (more...)

Recently featured: The X-HEIRS - Gul Dukat

Yesterday's Featured Article - Gul Dukat

Dukat

Gul Dukat is a wise Cardassian statesman and cuddly little genocidal maniac from the TV series's Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Keeping Up with the Cardassians, and Gul Dukat Takes Miami. He is widely regarded as being the nicest character in TV history, but is constantly suffering from abuse by the other characters.

Before the beginning of the show, I, Dukat served as the prefect of the planet Bajor, which was under Cardassian occupation protection because they were really weak, primitive and pathetic and didn't know how to take care of themselves. They needed Dukat, to govern and defend them and he was there to help. Unfortunately, at this time, Bajor was threatened by evil terrorists who wanted to overthrow the legitimate government of Bajor, expel their Cardassian protectors, and establish a planet-wide theocracy.

Now, Dukat tried to be as kind as possible towards the Bajoran people, going out of my his way many times to hand out stuffed animals and apple juice. But the Bajorans complained that these had been produced in Bajoran work camps which for some reason upset them. Whatever, more Teddies for me. These happy work camps were created by the Cardassians to help train the primitive Bajorians in more modern ways of manufacturing (and to partially off-set the cost of protecting Bajor). (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Emu War, featured on 21 June 2013. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*... that the answer is Colonel Mustard in the drawing room with a candlestick?

In the news

On this day...

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June 21: St. Nokia's Day, Last Day of Spring

  • 5400 BCE - Prehistoric Druids create early pornography out of large stones on the Salisbury Plain of England. Unfortunately it only works one day a year, leading to many wars.
  • 24 CE - Hippies celebrate "The Coming of Life", the summer solstice, in the streets after new dope harvest.
  • 524 - Godomar, King of the Burgundians, moves his throne to to his Mountain Chablis.
  • 654 - Howard Hughes finds out that there are germs even in airplanes.
  • 1138 - First IKEA opens in Durham by Viking invaders.
  • 1910 - A Japanese kittenhoefer kills Alexander Graham Bell and patents the cell phone. It weighs four hundred pounds and has a 300-mile long spool of cable accompanying it.
  • 1912 - Cingular makes its first attempt at raising the bar, then dies.
  • 1914 - The question "What if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?" is first raised by Mark Twain.
  • 1915 - Supreme Court of the United States rules that Oklahoma cannot deny some of its citizens the right to vote. The Chief Justice then proceeds to insult Woodrow Wilson over his attempts to allow women to have a voice beyond choosing what's for dinner.
  • 1940 - WWII: France surrenders to Germany out of habit.
  • 1941 - WWII: France surrenders to Germany again, for good measure.
  • 1942 - WWII: France celebrates the anniversary of their surrender to Germany and the establishment of the Vichy government with parades, parties, and a third surrender to make sure the message was received.
  • 1964 - The KKK appreciates the civil rights movement by murdering three of its members.
  • 1982 - John Hinckley is found not guilty by reason of batshit insanity for trying to kill President Reagan; Hinckley mistakenly dedicates his win to Jodie Sweetin.
  • 1989 - Ving Rhames turns 30; Libya explodes.
  • 1994 - Figures released by the University of Cambridge show that 92% of those born under the star sign Cancer actually get cancer, whereas 12% turn into crabs.
  • 1995 - Figures released by Harvard University show that 93% of Cambridge students are unable to properly add percentages.
  • 1996 - Figures released by Cambridge say "Bite me, Harvard". Harvard declines comment.
  • 1997 - Harvard purchases Cambridge and changes it to an automotive maintenance and bartending school.
  • 1998 - The Republican Party loses its old leader, gains a new one. Bozo the Clown memorabilia regains popularity.
  • 2002 - The WHO finally cures polio. They go on to do an encore with Magic Bus and Pinball Wizard.
  • 2006 - Scientists find that Pluto has two moons.
  • 2007 - Scientists find that Pluto is not a planet.
  • 2008 - Scientists find that Pluto never existed in the first place.
  • 2009 - Pluto sues science for defamation of existence.
  • 2012 - Scientists discover that there's not always room for Jello.
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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