Today's Featured Article - Shanty town
Greetings everyone and my name is Bob Smiles! I am a business man currently living in a shanty town and I would like to tell you that they are the BEST TOWNS EVER!!! I mean, you have everything you want in there! Including your essential roof! It has lots of holes so when the rain comes, you get a free shower! How cool is that? And that's not all.
You have free toilet paper! Ever stumbled upon a couple of rags on the ground? Wait, fuck that, they're not rags, they're awesome good quality toilet paper! Rub it on your backside and it gives you a soothing comfortable feeling! Sometimes, it may give you a little squelch,
which is probably those dead insects being crushed under your backside which is probably just the awesome quality's side effects! Cool right?
Still not convinced? The rooms come in cheap prices! You don't need to cross bridges because they already have a big rubbish dump in the river for you to walk on! That just shows us how considerate our President is! Isn't he awesome?
I can see you having second thoughts about this. But don't leave! Not yet! I still have a load of things to talk about with you! You might change your mind, you know... (more...)
Yesterday's Featured Article -
Did you know...
|*...that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to America and her allies?
In the news
On this day...
| |March 1:
- 390,000,000 BC - A meteor carrying a portion of the dispersed Gruesømellæ germ culture crashes on Earth, killing Chuck Norris.
- 64,000,000 BC - Gruesømellithicus roams the plains, waiting for unsuspecting tourists.
- 32 - Jesus gets eaten by a metaphysical Grue. He is then raised by his heavenly Father, only to be killed by trichinosis.
- 1349 - Jack the Ripper's antique collection of Mongolian Grues features in Forbes Magazine. This, according to Tony Blair, "does not compute".
- 1632 Gruel is invented by the Grues of London to morph English Orphans into Grues after long periods of eating it. This plot might have worked, since after 1692, all British Orphans disappeared.
- 1776 - Hypnotoad wisely defects to the American army.
- 1777 - The last remnants of the British army are eaten by a Grue.
- 1984 - Plåygrue releases its first copy; the said copy is later eaten by a Grue.
- 1985 - Landmark decision in Some v. Pestilence: Court rules a person eaten by a Grue cannot be held legally responsible for death or injury related to ingestion.
- 1997 - Scientists develop Grue-proof armor, and promptly get eaten by Eurgs.
- 1999 - Ozzy Osbourne bites the head off a grue onstage, is promptly ignored as just another geek sideshow act.
- 2001 Joe-Bob McGillicuddy manages to slay a Grue, but is seconds later crushed by a meteor.
- 2005 - Wales defeat the Grues 11-9 in a massive Six Nations Rugby upset. Unfortunately, the Welsh side are shortly after eaten by said Grues.
- 2006 'You are likely to be eaten by a grue' fever sweeps the nation.
- 2007 - George Bush quits the presidency when his son cruelly asked him, "Do you even know God?"
- 2009 - George W. Bush declared Grues to be "weapons of mass destruction".
- AD 2101 - War was beginning. CATS battles the grues for control of the earth. The legendary Build-a-grue workshop opens during this time period.
- AD 5000000000000 - Heat death of the universe begins. But the human race was so technologically advanced though that they cloned a super vesion of grue who put the universe back in its place.
| Colonization of the Week
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