Often confused with the bullfrog or the artichoke, the ferocious flesh-eating foot (Tyrannus carnopedi) is in fact a very rare and ferocious semi-arboreal organism that lives in stagnant pools of water. Unlike any other creature known on this Earth, the ferocious flesh-eating foot lacks not only eyes or ears but also a prehensile tail and X-ray vison from it's gallbladder. Nevertheless, this creature is exceedingly cunning and is quite capable of extreme acts of violence. Resembling most any other foot, it is virtually impossible to identify until it is too late.
The ferocious flesh-eating foot most closely resembles, quite ironically, a foot. Usually between size 10 and size 13 in size, some exceptional individuals have been known to attain a size 15 and a toe spread of over six inches. Approximately half of all ferocious flesh eating feet carry the dominant gene for hairiness and thus are hairy. The other half, with the recessive gene, is naturally clean-shaven. However, all flesh-eating feet have long, sticky toes used to snatch prey and transfer it to the large mouth which may contain up to 66 needle-like teeth. Very little is still known about the internal anatomy of the ferocious flesh-eating foot, and it is unknown just where the foot's food goes when swallowed.
The eggs of the ferocious flesh-eating food are layed in the sea, where they will drift in the pelagic currents for up to a year before making landfall on a beach somewhere, at which time the young hatch.
A larval flesh-eating foot most closely resembles a grain of salt or a newborn rat. The larvae is a master of stealth. It can sneak up on a zebra and kill it with a swift bite to the groin before the zebra wakes up. It doesn't eat zebras, however, so it has to move fast. If it does not find a meal within ten minutes of it's hatching, it will begin to die. Thus, the little, squeaky creature unfurls it's majestic violet tongue into a parachute and drifts placidly to the nearest cherry or plum tree. The foot then eats a single fruit or sometimes more than twelve. (more...)
1965 - A flying saucer lands in California, Scientology briefly becomes popular, at least until the government fire bombed all the celebrities.
1969 - Oscar Wilde is discovered painting a mosaic of Islamic extremists with his urine. Extremists eat sacred cows in retaliation. Gandhi is shocked and appalled, the movie Gandhi II is released as a result of real world events.
1974 - End of an Oil embargo crisis: Most OPEC nations end a 5-month oil embargo against the United States, America tells them to fuck off; invents electric vehicles.
1980 - The world was taken over by the governmen- er... um... Hey guys.. how are you? What with those guns pointed at my head?
1982 - Mount St. Helens erupts in Washington, killing several million hikers and causing US$390 trillion in damage. Government cover up of the tragedy includes flying monkeys with super-soakers.
1988 - Two U.S. Army roflcopters collide in Fort Campbell, Kentucky, killing 1337 squirrels.
1990 - China begins plans to hack google and steal information on McDonalds cheeseburger prep.
1990 - South Korean scientists recreate mohammed from cloned DNA of Chihuahua. The world fell into darkness.
1998 - Beer first enters my stomach. Thousands rejoice.
π - The US Supreme Court declares that π has just as much of a right to be a year as any other year and declares the next 20 years to be the year π as back pay for this injustice over two millennia old.
2006 - Actually, I think we have enough for today, but the rest of the month is going to be a pain, well, it's time to go "research" events.
2012 - The apocalypse at the end of the world is discovered to have been caused by unyclopedia running out of ideas for anniversaries.
Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice.
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many monthsyears to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!