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Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: A Very Special Article

Yesterday's Featured Article - A Very Special Article

FakeTed1

A Very Special Article deals with mature themes that may not be suitable for all readers. Parents are advised to use their discretion before allowing minors to access the article or any other article about the problems that might be killing them. Furthermore, Focus on the Family donors are encouraged to read the article in its entirety, as it is sure to contain sensationalizing narration with details that are sordid—perhaps even sexual—in nature. Protect your children.

The editors of this article are ordinary people except for the myriad dramatic incidents that pervade every waking moment of their dismal lives.

Timmy had long taken pride in his work as an Uncyclopedia editor. After making his first edit (replacing the first "e" in "cemetery" with an "a") he ran downstairs and said, "Look, Daddy! I fixed it!" Then in a pathetic attempt at ventriloquism Timmy manipulated the head of a teddy bear he had sprayed with his father's cologne and said, "I'm so proud of you, Timmy!" For Timmy's father was not there at all. He was with Timmy's "Aunt" Lana, whom Timmy's father had made a rendezvous with three months earlier at a motel while on a "work retreat", so that they could "fuck each other's brains out". (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured

Did you know...

*... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?

In the news

On this day...

Weasel Stomping Day

September 24: Mudkip Appreciation Day

  • 3000 BCE - Greek philosopher Atheises founds the Order of Dyslexic Atheists and declares as its motto "Thert isi thaer no doG!".
  • 322 BCE - Isocrates teaches that the Mudkip is the key to all understanding. Violent disagreement follows with Aristotle taking his Jigglypuff home in disgust.
  • 1336 - Austrian troops invading Switzerland find pots of fondue set out for them along with plastic sporks. Thousand of soldiers die from third-degree burns from stringy melted cheese and melted plastic. Switzerland agrees to limit the use of fondue in the Treaty of Lausanne.
  • 1541 - Paracelsus, Swiss alchemist, passes away after being drained by a bitter rivalry with the alchemist Parafahrenheit.
  • 1612 - After a massive invasion of the Netherlands, Spain realizes they already own the place. They redouble their destructive efforts as punishment for the Dutch not telling them this.
  • 1789 - United States History: the position of Attorney General is established, to act as general over the army of attorneys raised during the Revolutionary War.
  • 1906 - U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt proclaims Devils Tower the nation's first National Monument after obsessively sculpting the rock formation in mashed potatoes.
  • 1939 - Adolf Hitler gets into a hedge dispute with his Polish neighbour.
  • 1991 - Jesus found alive and well in a Manchester crackhouse.
  • 1993 - Karl Marx personal diaries discovered, Marxism apparently was just a wind up to bug the Americans.
  • 2003 - George Bush declares war on Legoland.
  • 2004 - Thought to be driven to extinction by heavy distribution in a McDonald's giveaway, a surviving colony of Mudkips are found in the Malaysian jungle. The group of scientists discovering them are found dead inside their own Pokéballs.
  • 2006 - Michael Jackson sues himself for sexual assault and wins. He celebrates by sexually assaulting himself again.
  • 2007 - The last day of Adventalo, the gathering of millions of nerds awaiting the coming of the chiefus christ.
  • 2008 - War veteran Big Bird commits suicide after receiving hate mail for accidentally sinking China when he flushed the toilet.
  • 2009 - All 8 followers of the new-found religion Walmartism are sentenced to death after reports of attacks on rival gang The "Food Lion Elite".
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

Muslim Sisterhood Chess pieces

The world changes. So does chess.

Image Credit: Ye Blacke Adder
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Recent Articles

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Riverdance (expanded) (pictured) | Jeff Sessions | John McCain | Absolute power | Michael Rosen | 11th century | A Very Special Article (rw) | Spanish in Argentina | Living Room | Zamenhof's Witnesses | Christy Turlington (rw) | Uncyclopedia paranormal activity | 1st century | OpenGeofiction | Deep State | Asteroids | Parrot | Hogs of War | Humanitarian | Rosh Hashanah |






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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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