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Today's Featured Article - Brave New World

Brave New World

Brave New World depicts a utopian society of the future, one in which everyone is produced by cloning in a hatchery and forced into a caste system. British author Aldous Huxley (pictured) wrote it—after a vacation to America where he was terrified by American promiscuity, mass-produced consumer goods, sparkling teeth, and large portions at restaurants—as a counterpoint to the optimistic predictions of the future, such as 1984, that his contemporaries were writing. Somehow, Huxley has been able to work this theme into not only a story but an entire novel, and later, a children’s toy franchise; specializing in action figures designed to shoot out those little spring-loaded missiles that seem to disappear within a few days of purchase.

The book continues to be a staple of secondary education, as it lets kids read sexually fueled literature by an author who was high on every drug known to man, including soma and acid. It is a popular book assignment in high school due to its depressing philosophy, which a student can be assigned to convert into a ponderously long essay that could easily be the beginnings of a deeply depressing doctoral thesis paper or a teen suicide note to the beta pluses that never understood them at Mensa. The book itself gives useful help on ponderousness, frequently using sentences longer than the time it takes to sing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl.(more...)

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Did you know...

*...that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
  • ...that The Oldest Trick in the Book is the infamous "Tapping on a person's left shoulder when you're standing on their right"? This trick was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia.
  • ...that compromise is a great diplomatic tool?
    • ...although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
  • ...verb noun preposition article verb noun?
  • ...that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
  • ...that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?

In the news

On this day...

March 20: Procrastination Day (extends until tomorrow)
  • 1602 - The Dutch East India company is founded, paving the way for the trade of such goods as sugar, spices, human slaves, and additional sugar.
  • 1815 - After escaping from his exile in Elba using cheese, cocked berets, and other French sterotypes, Napoleon Bonaparte begins his "Hundred Days" Rule.
  • 1833 - Honest Jim starts his career out by selling his grandfather's false teeth back to him at nine times their original value.
  • 1852 - Hariet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin was published, setting racial equality back for an estimated two hundred years.
  • 1864 - Dick Cheney gets bitten by a vampire. The vampires name is Wilfred Brimley.
  • 1874 - Oscar Wilde does something noteworthy, then writes a scathingly witty entry in his diary about it later that night.
  • 1883 - Eleven counties signed the Paris Convention for the Protection of Industrial Property, strictly outlawing the trade of ideas, dreams, and mind-control paraphanelia.
  • 1914 - The first international Figure Skating World Championships take place in Connecticut. The losers maintain their dignity.
  • 1984 - Dungeons & Dragons hits a new high note with the introduction of the Stock Broker playable character set, including Briefcase of Monotony and +2 Ballpoint Pen.
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture


Mr. T is a beacon of hope in our cold and dark world.

Image Credit: RadicalX
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.

Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!

It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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