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DaVinci's Hewlett-Packard printer was to be the undoing of his most famous work, resulting in what art scholars have termed the "Mono Lisa." Vote for featured image

Today's Free Sample! Today's Featured Article - Recently featured: Extension:DynamicPageList (DPL), version 2.3.0 : Warning: No results. Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's Featured Article - State of the Union address The State of the Union address is a method of compressing partisan lies into an hour-or-two-long speech (or -three, in the case of Bill Clinton). The annual speech tells Congress and the entire United States what The President thinks. It is received in a room full of crusty and aging legislators who long ago lost their souls and have no lodestar except the desire to: Bask in the reflected glory of the President's presence, and Have all their impressionable constituents watch them doing so and thereby get the impression they have a fraction of the President's charisma. Federal law provides that, in addition to his annual salary of $400,000, the President gets one evening a year in a chamber where a crowd of fawning wannabes will deliriously applaud him for saying nothing of substance, and where everyone in the country can see that they did. This is not just a fringe benefit for the President, but reassures even the most incompetent American citizen that his poorest and most meaningless work might have someone welcome it, by virtue of the welcomer being even worse — or might lead to a lifetime sinecure, if he can simply find a boss who is eager to be surrounded by suck-ups. Article II, Section 3 of the U.S. Constitution tasks the President to "from time to time give to the Congress information of the state of the Union, to recommend to their Consideration such Measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient, or failing that, to advise the same as to how far to bend over." It is a perennial mystery to Constitutional scholars why the small document that set out three co-equal branches contains this loophole directing two of them to kiss the butt of one of them every year.. (more...) You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured when you become an EXCLUSIVE MEMBER. More of the best of Uncyclopedia edit More can be yours! Join today! September 23: Take a Venomous Animal to Work Day, also National Australian Pavlova is Ours Day. 1143 - Pope Innoocent II rejoins God after taking his wife to work. 1554 - Francisco Vasquez de Coronado, Spanish explorer, dies after taking a rattlesnake to work. 1774 - Pope Clement XIV (b. 1705) expires after taking a lionfish to work. 1972 - The French word "capitulate" is added to the OED (the French themselves have been using the word since 600 BC). 1974 - Two whole words, both alike in dignity, "Capulet" and "Montague", are added to the OED. 1979 - Olympics held in Wigan for the second time. 1986 - Ozzy "Ozzy" Osbourne catches a crazy train. Is late for work. Rioting ensues. 1989 - Songwriter Irving Berlin dies when the platypus he brings to work strikes him with its venomous leg spines. 1990 - First "cow catapult" launch observed in controversial computer game "Nuclear War". 1995 - Samantha T. is born as a baby 2002 - Revolution in Webbrowserland leads to crowning of Pheonix I by Mozilla rebels. Fighting start of Firefox War. 2006 - A homeless man in Australia is beaten sensless by a giant used tampon. Police reports show that the tampon was 'Carefree'. 2007 - Rhys Jones is caught in a drive-by on the way to a Used concert, his collapse to the ground causes the biggest earthquake on human record which in turn brings the end of the world (doomsday) 2008 - Australia freaks out due to apocalypse, but then realises false alarm that it is only a duststorm. 2009 - Australia rejoices as government scientists prove that New Zealand forged pavlova recipe, meaning that Australians now have another reason to mock their cousins across the Tasman. Archived Anniversaries	edit For exclusive news coverage, get UnNews PLUS! Rocket Man finds Major Don (pictured) O'Cobra's Life of Ryan Los Angeles BART gives and takes Maersk changes course to play “ship conkers” Sense of humour losing traction says survey September already Brexit future sunny for ancient expats N. Korea eats, shoots, and leaves Hospital stocks rise TEPCO takes a dump Pence touches hearts, minds, more Bannon supports Hurricane Harvey Robert E. Lee won another battle Kroger's sues newcomer Lidl Second Front Pages: Brexit • Hillary! • Trump • UK 2015 election • Greece More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... That you can get Did You Know in your email if you SUBSCRIBE TODAY! ...that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help? Read More
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Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!! GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 31,661 articles. 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