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Today's Featured Article - Supply-side Jesus

Jesus-salesman

Supply-Side Jesus is little-known outside of Republican circles, but his life has been chronicled recently by the biblical prophet Al Franken. It turns out that Supply-Side Jesus was a contemporary of that other Jesus, the Jesus of Nazareth. While this article is not about Jesus of Nazareth, but about the real, true, one and only Christ, the Supply-Side Jesus, we should allow Jesus of Nazareth at least a small footnote in this article. Jesus of Nazareth was, to those of you who don't know all these obscure Biblical references, and we'll just get this one out of the way: According to Edward S. Herman (an early scribe), Jesus of Nazareth was an early rabble-rouser of Communistic tendency, and the victim of an early witchhunt. It could even be asserted that he would be one of the first witches to ever be hunted. Jesus of Nazareth is often confused with Elvis Presley. While "Jesus's countenance was like lightning and his clothing white as snow" (Matt 28:3), Elvis had been seen on stage wearing snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts. And the two were never seen in the same place at the same time, which makes the similarity even more creepy.

Both Jesii have had some connection to wood and nails. Supply-Side Jesus ran a hardware store that sold dry goods to local contractors and home renovators. Jesus of Nazareth was at that time not widely-known and frequented the establishment due to their unbeatably low prices and courteous service, while oblivious to the fact that much of the tools and dry goods he was buying were made in Byzantine sweatshops using child labour; and that those who worked under Supply-Side Jesus signed an agreement not to ever join a union. Supply-Side Jesus established himself as the kind of salesman who was able to sell sand to Bedouins. Indeed, once he succeeded, a typical Bedouin he might have sold it to would curse himself the next day for his stupidity. Said bedouin could not return his sand for a refund, since he would never be able to prove that the sand he purcahsed was any different from the sand in the surrounding desert. What was he thinking?

Supply-Side Jesus also sold clay and limestone to build houses that were not much different from the clay and limestone which littered the landscape in those days. Jesus of Nazareth would also buy twigs and branches to make the walls and thatched roofs of the houses in his contractual territory, which covered a sprawling Jerusalem suburb known as Bethlehem. (more...)

Recently featured: Supply-side Jesus

Yesterday's Featured Article - Plectrum

Plectrum

Long before the Internet, long before AIDS, a computer company that we shall not name ordered divisions from the United States and Great Britain to work together. The Brits used to bring their guitars to parties, but would not take them out and play until something called a plectrum was found. No, hell if I know. That's when we knew we didn't trust them.

It was so obvious. We'd been developing a programming language. Our English division had been developing an application package that was ideal to be written in it. We were wasting time with memos and phone calls to fit these two pieces together. So let's just move one department to the other's building, 2200 miles away, uh, 3500 kilometres. A few plane flights, personnel lines up some apartments--yes, flats, that's what I mean--and it's a piece of cake. And after this project, we'll have a multinational force uniquely able to solve other problems. More able, in fact, than management is to define them.

Now, who's the home team and who's the visitors? That part only took management six months. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Worcestershire sauce, featured on 27 February 2013. See the featured version.
Elfen Lied, featured on 27 February 2011. See the featured version.
I Am the Walrus, featured on 27 February 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Chilifinger
  • ...that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (pictured)
  • ...that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
  • ...that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
  • ...that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
  • ...that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
  • ...that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
  • ...that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?

In the news

On this day...

February 27: Banjo Impressions Day.
  • 1972: Diwn diwndiwn, diwn diwn, diwn diwn, diwn diwn
  • 1982: Banjo impressions are banned in Alabama during its Third Five-Year Plan.
  • 1985: deh de dew dew dew dew dew dew , dew........deh de dew dew dew dew dew dew , dew.
  • 1986: He's got a real pretty mouth on him, don't he?
  • 1994 - Top of the Flops debuts on BBC Two, earning a place at No.1 on this show results in a £10,000,000 fine. Madonna was the first Number One with Played Like a Banjo.
  • 1998: Nintendo and Rareware officially release Banjo-Kazooie, brief fad of impersonating a bear hits America
  • 2006: Apple's iRon topped selling charts for the first time.
  • 2007: Pokemon Olive a pokemon game was supposed to come out but didn't.
  • 2040: Intel creates the world's fastest computer processor, "Idiot Inside"
  • 2050: Apple sued for putting Michael Jackson in its iRon ads
  • 2645: Ting Tong playing Ping pong with King Kong in Hong Kong.
  • 2846: Ping-Pong merrilly on high...
  • 2847: Your mom plays my banjo... if you know what I mean.
  • 3007: Dr. Zoidberg plays spin the bottle with Dick Cheney and wins Bush's best tie, and a badger.
  • 3009: Smart humans invent The Banjo and make 23 billion songs. Five Published, millions buy Albums, $10 made.

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BNP rally.

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