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Welcome to Uncyclopedia Americana,

30,835 articles in American

Constitution · Declaration of Independence · Liberty Bell · Bill of Rights · NATO · Support the US war effort

50 States · American Idols · Red, White & Blue

USA Today's Front Page Story

Today's Featured Article - Constitution of the United States (actual text)

Sigs

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Section I. Any male constituent who has attained the Age of Twenty-One years shall vote for a nobleman of his choosing to represent him in the executive legislature. He shall freely cast his choice on a ballot in a designated voting bureau and deposit the ballot in a box. After all the constituents accomplished their duty of Citizenry, the box contents shall be dumped in the nearest river and the predetermined winner be announced to the People.

Section II. Any elected representative in the Land of the Free shall receive 10 slaves Free of charge, only shipping and handling to pay and shall be refunded if not satisfied before 30 days.(more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Power

Creation of the Sun and Moon face detail

Power . A word that is doubtless familiar to you and a concept you probably think you understand but yet, how much do we you really know about power?

Not much!

That's correct, bodiless, unexplained, yet helpful italicised text! We know next to nothing about power which, in its majesty is in all things, if you can comprehend such a concept. It could even be within you! You could have power right now and be unaware of the staggering implications of that fact.

I could have power?

Quite possibly, I can usually tell very quickly whether or not somebody has power. I have power and as a result I feel a certain kinship towards others with power.

I'd love to hear more about power!

Of course you would! (more...)

Did y'all know...

*... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins?

Dispatches from the Voice of America

Tanker.jpg


Flag of USA

America, the beautiful


On this day in America...

Vaderguild color

That's no moon...

January 30: International Cliche Day

  • A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.... - The evil armies attack, and only a hero can save the light side.
  • Once upon a time - A young girl, living in poverty, met Prince Charming and they lived happily ever after.
  • 50BC - Nero plays the violin while Rome burns.
  • 42- Something happens.
  • 69- Two people have sex in a kinky position.
  • 1110 - Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before.
  • 1111 - Besides, there's plenty more fish in the sea.
  • 1268 - A battle of epic proportions occurs. The bad guys lose and the Half-good guys win. Our heroes from the future find themselves trapped in this age of rape and plundering, and just as they are to be executed for public fornication, the funky professor back in the future figures out a way to save them, and bring them back.
  • 1337- Awesome shit happens.
  • 1859 - Abraham Lincoln fights his evil twin.
  • 1875 - Oscar Wilde says something that touches each and every one of our hearts.
  • 1939-1945 The bad guys are a bunch of Nazis. Wow, that's really original.
  • 1945 - President Truman considers bombing Japan with the A-bomb. "It's crazy", he says, "but just crazy enough to work."
  • 1960 - The first American movie is released involving guns, aliens, tits, love-triangles, dinosaurs, Mars, and a young misfit whose strange talent is needed to save the world.
  • 1979 - The Japanese release their first movie, game, book, and porno where key characters die for shock-value. Survival rate of Japanese characters lowers to 10%
  • 2003 - America liberates Iraqistan to bring freedom to the Arabs. The liberal media rejects patriotism.
  • 2006 - The anniversary list once again becomes a chat room.
  • 2007 - You wake up, and it was all a dream.
  • 2010 - Aliens invade, but they have a hidden weakness which is discovered just in time.
  • 2011 - Aliens invade again. Different aliens. We shoot the mother ship with a one in a million chance of it hitting. It hits.
  • 2017 - A rag-tag misfit with his own set of rules is persuaded to help the police track down the kitten ripper bandit in order to buy his own freedom.
  • 2101 - War was beginning.
  • 2242 - Uruguay changes its name to UrJustinBeiberTwilightfagharrypotterbananasplitlover
  • 2407 - Super Mario made an apperance in his 1,309th video game entitled "Mario saves the Princess, AGAIN." It never gets old does it?

666

  • +9000 - Vegeta finally gets the même about his catchphrase

George Eastman's featured picture

LandoftheJews

Land of the Jews, based on promo poster for George A. Romero's film Land of the Dead.

Image Credit: RabbiTechno
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Fair and balanced

Relationships (images) | Hydrocarbon | Supply-side Jesus | Randy Travis | Wind (rw) | Charlie Hebdo | Christchurch (Dorset) | Invasive species (rw) | Horace Greeley | The Jackson 5 | The Cosby Show | Ido | Galla Placidia | Barf (rw) | Nirvana | Gensokyo | CHU | Star Trek: Enterprise | Rough Gay Wolf Sex (rw) | Darth Vader (rw) | Samsung | Meco Monardo | Independent film | Jeb Bush (rw) | William F. Buckley | Sens. Warren/Ayotte/Brown/McConnell | Greggs (rw) | Space Shuttle Challenger (rw) | Solar flares | Maurice Ravel


More recent articles | Most wanted outlaws | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Great American heroes

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Clock is ticking! There's only one more day to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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