| Today's Featured Article
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
| On this day...
July 25: International Talk Like Yoda Day, it is.
- A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...: Social Security investigators witness Yoda's light saber battle with Count Dooku, they do. Hmmmm. Realise, they do, that the walking stick thing is a charade. "Your incapacity benefit try and remove, we will" they tell him. "Do or do not", cleverly replies he, "There is no try."
- 306: Proclaimed Roman emperor, Constantine I is, by his troops.
- 1946: Detonated underwater, it is, in the lagoon of Bikini atoll, an atomic bomb. Swimsuits of Women are torn in half, they are. Protest, by this action, they show.
- 1947: The United Nations, Talks Like Yoda Day, it innaugurates.
- 1951: The Korean War, pauses it does so that both sides can this day enjoy.
- 1962: President Kennedy visits Berlin and proclaims "Ein Berliner, Ich bin."
- 1969: Neil Armstrong lands on the moon. His first message: "Hm, yes, one small step for man, this is. One giant leap for mankind, also it is."
- 1970: When asked, Mao Zedong is, by reporter ██████ ████ whether more powerful capitalism is than communism, replies, he does, "No. Quicker, easier it is."
- 1980: "Eheh. Wars not make one great!" quips Jimmy Carter. He is soon defeated in a landslide.
- 1981: "Mr. President! Freed the hostages are!" shouts a reporter as Ronald Reagan declares "Darth Ayatollah, powerful and bearded he is!"
- 2004: George W. Bush spends most of the day pretending to listen to questions put to him, then widening his eyes and saying "Yoda! You seek Yoda!" This goes on until Dick Cheney breaks his arm with a tire iron.
- 2005: Ted Kennedy remarks to Howard Dean, "John Kerry was our last chance to stop Bush and Cheney. To which Dean replies, "No....there is another!&quo ; ( ' later revealed that even though they once made out, Hillary Clinton is John Kerry's sister.)
- 2006: For the previous entry, shot an uncyclopedia editor is.
- 2007: National bonking day introduced
| Word of the Day
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
| In the news
- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
| If anyone cares on a day like today...
|*...that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
- ...that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?