Today's Featured Article
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
and Todd "Howlin'" Lyons worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Some "Fingers" User .
Tomb of the Unknown Contributor
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
On this day...
Cola Wars Armistice Day, International Sweat like a Rapist day
454 - Roman Emperor Valentinian III assassinates his general Aëtius after a dispute over the merits of Coke and Pepsi.
1066 - Harold is disgusted to find he has got sweat patches on his favour armour. As he is changing behind a tree a stealth agent shoots him in the eye.
1780 - American Revolutionary War: Benedict Arnold gives the British the plans to West Point and the secret formula to Coke.
1828 - That Guy, not This Guy is born in Lower Throat-Warbling, Kent
1918 - Treaty of Cadbury-Schwepps marks the cessation of violence in the first Cola War
1947 - The Coke plan is set up to aid falling Coca Cola sales in Europe. Pepsi will have none of this, condemming it as cola sales imperialism.
1952 - Pepsi introduces the "So much better than Coke that it makes me feel sick" plan, and sets up 'Pepsicon'. Coca Cola is banned from the USSR. This triggers the Cold Cola War.
1972 - Philippine President Ferdinand Marcos issues Proclamation No. 1081 placing the country under martial law and making Pepsi the official drink of the Phillipines.
1978 - Earth, Wind, and Fire remember the 21st night of September. They then proceed to drinking Coke.
1983 - Ferdinand Marcos directs a confused man to the local garage to purchase Pepsi.
1985 - Coca Cola invents Mountain Dew, Infringing on Pepsi's trademark, starting Cola War II.
1986 - Colonel Sanders surrenders his forces to PepsiCo at the Battle of Kentucky; Chicken Little announces that "the sky is falling!"
1987 - Hershey's mediates a treaty between Pepsi Cola and Coca Cola, ending Cola War II after much bloodshed in Central American plantations.
1992 - Coca Cola creates Dr peper, in a retaliation to Pepsi's Root Beer creation. The war continues with much hard earned, rapist like sweat
1998 - 7-Up nominated for Oscar
1999 - The impending Millennium celebrations force Royal Crown Cola to formulate a strategy to take down its opposition.
2001 - Rioting in Paris. Rioting ensues.
2006 - Royal Crown Cola declares war on Pepsi Cola and Coca Cola, proclaiming "Death to the American Capitalist Swine".
2007 - The day Tetris broke. Anti-bullying day occurs, the masses dress in pink and Pepto Bismol drips to death, pink unicycle spotted on national television.
2009 - Rola Cola assassinates Royal Crown Cola, Coca Cola and Pepsi, in that order, they never stood a chance.
2009 - Laugh at Rhys's misfortune day.
2010 - Highly anticipated racing game, , scheduled for release, Test Drive Unlimited 2 but is postponed due to turbulent Coca Cola-Pepsi relations.
Word of the Day
Death Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power.
In the news
writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
Oscar Wilde of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint Editors -human hybrid to manage Recent News.
earwig was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
Jesus people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
Gothic The commit mass suicide, but emos nobody cares...duh...
Mourners flow through the streets of in New York fashion, melodramatic demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
All are wearing black armbands.
Uncyclopedians The are comitting mass seppuku.
Japanese The are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In British France, rioting ensues.
Physicists at publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
IITb The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
All the are drunk. All the Russians are Dutch . Peyote use at an alarming high among stoned .
Native Americans In the the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
middle east The have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
If anyone cares on a day like today...
*...that Godot isn't coming?
...that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.