489 - Theodoric, King of the Ostrogoths defeats Odoacer, King of Cers the at the Battle of Iseeyourgonzoandraiseyouaspliff.
1729 - Man discovers the "hand", women are now useful for cooking, cleaning and raising children only.
1845 - The first issue of Unscientific Horny American is published. The centerfold (which features a different Nobel-Prize-winning scientist each month) proves unpopular, and is discontinued almost immediately.
*...that The Oldest Trick in the Book is the infamous "Tapping on a person's left shoulder when you're standing on their right"? This trick was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia.
...that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
Oh great....another award for Todd.....(mutters darkly)....lets all be pleased for him.....(mumble, mumble)..... It's a bird! It's a plane! It's....Todd Lyons! Blasting through his competition, Todd sails to the lead with Richard M. Stallman at his right and OCD in his head. ToddBot2000 by day and Article Mastermind by night, his genius speaks for itself.