Today's Featured Article
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
and Todd "Howlin'" Lyons worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Some "Fingers" User .
Tomb of the Unknown Contributor
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
On this day...
January 31: National Ice Cream Day
201 AD - Ice cream is invented in Rome, but it quickly melts due to the lack of refrigerators. Everyone is forced to slurp it.
1551 - French explorers with sensitive teeth die exploring Northern Africa after keeling over in pain from eating ice cream, leaving themselves open to attack by savage tribesmen who quickly beheaded them.
1819 - Heinrich Maanschweisener creates a means to produce dots from ice cream; he is defenestrated later that year on the orders of Baron Rottweil von Friendly, who fears for his monopoly on frozen treats.
1928 - Stalin re-invents ice cream and names it Stalin Cream. USSR rejoices but the American scum looses there underwear.
1949 - Friendly's loses contract to sell ice cream in China and is denied renewed funding by the U.S. government.
1960 - Vespugian president Manuel del Caracos, on a tour of America, drowns when he falls into a flash-freezer at the Pittsburgh Dippin' Dots factory.
1979 - Ben and Jerry's "Popped Cherry" ice cream is a hit.
1971 - The first ice cream stand is opened in Moscow, Russia, but quickly seized by the government.
1989 - Alexei Kalashnikov, proprietor of a meager Baskin Robins parlor in Stalingrad, defects to the West and takes the secret recipe for Dippin' Dots with him.
1991 - Dunkin' Donuts loses a hedge-trimming contest to Dairy Queen.
2007 - Coaticook brand ice cream hits shelves in Quebec, next to other ice creams.
2008 - Coaticook goes ahead with first ever ice cream referendum, demanding that they have their own shelf.
2009 - After a cat infestation, Ben & Jerry's introduces "Cat Pan Crunch" flavor
2085 - Dippin' Dots production headquarters are obliterated by an Iranian superweapon; Friendly's rejoices.
999999999999 AD - <insert name here> creates unfunny joke about pokemon, nazis and hitler.
Word of the Day
Death Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power.
In the news
writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
Oscar Wilde of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint Editors -human hybrid to manage Recent News.
earwig was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
Jesus people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
Gothic The commit mass suicide, but emos nobody cares...duh...
Mourners flow through the streets of in New York fashion, melodramatic demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
All are wearing black armbands.
Uncyclopedians The are comitting mass seppuku.
Japanese The are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In British France, rioting ensues.
Physicists at publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
IITb The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
All the are drunk. All the Russians are Dutch . Peyote use at an alarming high among stoned .
Native Americans In the the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
middle east The have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
If anyone cares on a day like today...
*...that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
...that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
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