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## Today's Featured Article - Neptune

Neptune is a planet. Its astronomical symbol is ♆, a stylized version of Devil's trident and it is said that this symbol was given to a planet by a satanist. Neptune is far away in this galaxy and is one of the 9... er... that is, 8 planets of the solar system. Pluto recently had to resign its planet title since it lost by KO to Neptune in an unification bout. One thing many people don't know is that Neptune actually has one ring like Saturn does but lost it and can't find the damn thing since it is its old engagement ring. As the marriage with Uranus was ailing, the couple soon broke up and Neptune took off its ring for some time. It's probably floating around the Solar system somewhere. Scientists say the spherical bunch of gas just doesn't seem to care.

Neptune is freezingly cold and has no atmosphere. Even though it is represented as a blue planet, it is actually darker than the darkest dark side of the moon because the Sun is so darn far away. Neptune often feels lonely because it knows deep in its guts that man will never reach it.(more...)

## Yesterday's Featured Article - Declaration of Gin-Dependence

The Declaration of Gin-Dependence is an historically meaningless piece of parchment signed by thirteen of the foremost town drunks in a local tavern on the outskirts of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, just before the outbreak of the American Revolution. It is just like the famous Declaration of Independence except that it was signed in a pub by a small group of inconsequential, inebriated alcoholics rather than by dozens of the foremost citizens and statesmen of the American Colonies in a formal house of government. The two Declarations are also exactly alike except that the Declaration of Gin-Dependence hinges on irrational fear and mental impairment caused by physiological substance addiction, as opposed to impaired judgment and irrational fear caused by exposure to taxation without representation. Other than that, they have nothing in common.

All thirteen of the habitual drinkers who signed the Declaration of Gin-Dependence were part of the regular crowd that gathered every evening at Tom's Alehouse just off the Quaker Turnpike. At nine o'clock on a Saturday night early in 1776, each of the thirteen men drank two bottles of gin and began arguing over civil rights while projectile-vomiting. Their mood became increasingly dark as they succumbed to an alcoholic paranoia of the British (more...)

## Featured today, a long long time ago

Wikipoleonic Complex, featured on 7 December 2010. See the featured version.
UnNews:H1N1 OVERBLOWN BY MEDIA!!!!!, featured on 7 December 2009. See the featured version.
UnNews:Militant atheist decides her car keys never existed, featured on 7 December 2008. See the featured version.

## Did you know...

• ...that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (pictured)
• ...that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
• ...that $(\tan^{-1}((\frac{-5\pm\sqrt{5^2+(4\times3)\times2}}{2\times3}\div2)\div(\frac{-5\pm\sqrt{5^2+(4\times3)\times2}}{2\times3}\div2)))\times2$ is 8th grade math?
• ...that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
• ...that bears have been known to challenge for the role of Alaska's leader?
• ...that at any second, of any minute, of any hour, of any day, a massive nuclear bomb could land on your house?
• ...that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
• ...that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?

## On this day...

December 7: Official Who The Hell Is Spartacus Day

• Little did they know that I'm Spartacus.
• No, I'm Spartacus!
• I'm Spartacus!
• No, I am!
• Hence the search...
• 1555 - The search for Spartacus continues.
• 1936 - Buddy Holly born in Texas; also known as "The Day That Will Live in Infancy".
• 1982 - Mr T (not pictured) claims in his autobiography "Pity the Fool" that he was Spartacus. Historians refute this claim.
• 2005 - Uncyclopedia becomes littered with Spartacus jokes.

## Today's featured picture

 Tsar Wars Episode IV, No Hope Image Credit: Sannse Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

## Uncyclopedia's sista projects

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## Uncyclopedia Languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 30,430 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
 UncyclopediaEnglishUnited Kingdom 30649 DesciclopédiaPortuguêsBrazil35457 アンサイクロペディア日本語Japan16220 NonsensopediaPolskiPoland 20323 NonciclopediaItalianoItaly 12328 DésencyclopédieFrançaisFrance 7257 InciclopediaEspañolSpain 8775 偽基百科正體中文Taiwan5328 Uncyclopedia.deDeutschGermany 5520 HikipediaSuomiFinland6804 Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on August 12, 2011.

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