Today's Featured Article - Food
Food is one of the most dangerous substances known to humankind. It is not only poisonous, but carcinogenic, so much so that it or one of its derivatives is found in the tumours of all cancer patients. Unfortunately, it is also notoriously hard to avoid and extremely addictive. Most patients eat it every day.
Conventional medicine has mostly failed to recognise this threat to public safety, going so far as to advocate its consumption. Alternative medicine, however, is well aware of the dangers of food, and alternative doctors never allow their patients to eat it. As food is everywhere, the difficulty of avoiding it discourages many from following through with alternative treatments, and they go back to conventional doctors who rely on old-fashioned cutting, burning and slashing.
Avoiding food sounds deceptively simple: just don't eat it. But it's not as easy as it sounds. Food is an integral part of most modern diets; indeed most of us eat nothing else. But having something to eat is vital to survival, so the food must be replaced by something else.
But what? It is possible to survive without eating food if one drinks water. If one wants to eliminate such deadly toxins completely, however, water must be avoided as well. All water is chock-full of its own collection of nasties, and if you drink water instead of eating food you will not be any better off. (more...)
My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection is the best Yu-Gi-Oh! collection in the entire world and is thus, by default, better than yours. People often ask me if they will ever be able to obtain a Yu-Gi-Oh! collection that is as good as mine. The answer is always no. Nothing in the universe even approaches the awesomeness of my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection, not even the polio vaccine.
Although I own several top-notch Yu-Gi-Oh! decks, my Colossal Fighter OTK Deck has literally brought my opponents to tears. Who can blame them? My deck includes some of the rarest and most powerful cards on Earth such as Green-Eyes Kill You Dragon (グリーンアイズはあなたがドラゴン殺し), The Giant Stabbing Person (ジャイアント刺傷人), and I Punch You In Face (私は顔であなたをパンチ), along with several others that have yet to be released to the general public. Most people don't even bother to duel me when I arrive at tournaments. The rational ones understand that defeat is inevitable and surrender as soon as they see my face. Those who are foolish enough to actually duel me will often perform hara-kiri as soon as I end my first turn, hoping to preserve even a fraction of their honor.
In addition to my awesome deck, my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection contains over 50,000 rare, super rare, secret rare, ultra rare, ultimate rare, super secret ultra rare, mega ultra super rare, and super ultra mega secret golden rare cards. For those of you unfamiliar with the Yu-Gi-Oh! terminology, that means I own over 50,000 shiny cards. And I don't own the worthless shiny cards either. I own all four Egyptian God cards signed by William Shakespeare and Abraham Lincoln.(more...)
Did you know...
|*...that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ...that really fat people cannot wash themselves but must avail of car washes late at night?
- ...that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
- ...that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
- ...that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
- ...that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
In the news
On this day...
December 26: Packaging Day/ Useless office memorandum day / The one day women poop. It smells like roses. International Go to the Pub all afternoon and Have a row with the Missus Day
- The 3rd day of creation - God creates the useless memorandum
- 0 - Rudolph catches everlasting cold after night out, condemned to permanent red nose.
- 17 - Jesus recovers from a "wicked birthday hangover" and cleans up the house before his parents get home.
- 35 - Stephen the Protomartyr gets stoned off his ass.
- 931 - Good King Wenceslas looked out, on the Feast of Stephen; when the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even;
- 2002 - Last recorded Vowel movement for God. In an indirect response to this anniversary, God decides to take out His frustration on His rich children every year after-wizard.
- 2003 - Devastating spongecake in Ham because they owned too many fairy cakes, and Bob makes them play.
- 2004 - Realising he has nothing to bitch about Bob Geldoff creates devastating Tsunami.
- 2004 - Devastating toffee in Southeast Asia because they owned too many fudges, and Bob makes them play.
- 2004 - The idea for Deal or No Deal created on Boxing Day after Noel Edmonds was trapped in a box, the producer of the show opening it and gasping, before thinking 'hey, why don't we do that with something valuable in the boxes?'
- 2005 - Devastating jam tarts in Central America because they owned too many biscuits, and Bob makes them play.
- 2006 - Devastating shelves falling over in Iceland because they owned too many products, and some hooligans tipped them over.
- 2007 - Mars destroyed during the War of the Worlds, because there were too many martians and God ran out of ways to make them pay, but the bacteria killed them.
- 2008 - Mars destroyed bacause the Bible has no recorded evidence of Martians, and God makes it pay.
- 2009 - Devastating red hole wipes out universe, and God makes no two pay.
- 2010 - Devastating white hole wipes out red hole, and God makes no one pay.
- 2011 - Devastating white hole wipes out God, leaving no one to make no one pay.
- 6325 - Despite the discovery of the lost pelvis of Richard Belzer, our world still sucks.
| Colonization of the Week
|For the glory of her majesty|
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.