# Main Page

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February 14: International Suck Day

• 32 - Jesus Christ contracts bad case of crabs from Mary Magdalene.
• 35 - New cure for crabs invented that does not involve crucifiction.
• 69 - Two young lovers get it on in a groovy new position.
• 269 - St Valentinus is castrated, horsewhipped and disembowelled. 1500 years later, this day is celebrated through romance.
• 1799 - Bad pun day in history - Apparently, James Cook was killed on the Sandwich Islands. Historians aren't laughing.
• 1852 - Ash Ketchum says "I choo choo choose you" to Ted Williamson shortly before his death by being hit by a train.
• 1917 - In Soviet Russia, woe is you
• 1994 - Canada successfully build space shuttle capable of flying back to Earth
• 2000 - Some people are woefully alone on this day.
• 2001 - Everyone who was woefully alone in 2000 is still alone on this day.
• 2002 - They're still woefully alone.
• 2003 - One of the people who is woefully alone proposes an alternative holiday, entitled Go Out With A Loser Who Has Never Had A Date Day. However, no girl will still talk to him.
• 2004 - Not willing to give up, the guy who made the holiday in 2003 decides to make Trek-mance Connection. Now, even nerdy girls still won't talk to him, and everyone mocks his horrible naming skills.
• 2005 - Lonely guy starts an Emo band. Bandmates ask him not to name the band. Girls still won't talk to him.
• 2009 - St Valentinus is reborn and executed for the second time for molesting small farm animals.
• 2010 - St Valentinus is reincarnated as a charismatic frog and gets away with years of outrageous self-abuse.
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