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Today's Free Sample! Today's Featured Article - Question Authority The Question Authority is an agency of the United States government, organized within the federal Department of Utterances. The Question Authority has general responsibility for all questions asked and answered in the United States, including its territories and possessions. Notably, when customs agents of the Department of Homeland Security interrogate persons wishing to enter the U.S., they do so through questions vetted by the Question Authority. The Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution protects Americans "against unreasonable searches and seizures." It would seem, then, that the government would need a "reasonable" basis to ask anyone any question at all. Well, Buster, "it would seem" wrong! There is ample precedent for the government to ask a wide variety of questions, including: Have you bought health insurance that pays the full cost of smoking cessation counseling? Are you the nigger who robbed the gas station, or do you just look like him? May I rummage through the trunk of your car, or do you feel like waiting here for three hours for me to get a warrant? What was that noise? Did you hear that? (more...) Recently featured: Question Authority - Probability theory Archive – Vote for featured articles Yesterday's Featured Article - Probability theory Probability theory was developed by Gerolamo Cardano, Pierre de Fermat and Blaise Pascal. In this research team, there was no cooperation at all, because they all lived at different times and were too lazy to invent the time machine. So the development of this theory lasted for centuries and is (probably) not yet finished. Cardano et al. were all committed into mental hospitals late in their lives. What are the odds against that? It is not clear whether they were actually mentally disoriented, or merely seemed to be, because of answering simple yes-and-no questions by speculating about "the chances." The reason for this theory — as mathematicians do things only on purpose — is unknown to humanity. But some think that these scientists had had enough of answering the questions exactly and decided that with the theory of probability it would be a way easier. But when they were told that they were not doing their job properly, to complicate the situation more, these mathematicians developed some incomprehensible formulas to prove the opposite. The theory of probability should be used in several cases: When you don't want to give a direct answer to a question When you don't have an answer to a question but want to make people think that you do When you want to complicate everything you have said and make everyone confused People who very often use the theory of probability are called politicians. (more...) You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured when you become an EXCLUSIVE MEMBER. More of the best of Uncyclopedia edit More can be yours! Join today! May 20: Have a Vision of the Virgin Mary Day (South America and Spain), Bacon Appreciation Day (America) 200 - Bacon is invented in Turkey. 1492 - Christina Columbus, the illegitimate daughter of a mediocre sailor, discovers a new continent, only to have her father Christopher claim the discovery as his own. 1551 - For an entire year, people make lame jokes about anagrams and dying of syphilis. 1732 - Queen Victoria, the Virgin Queen, declares war on France. Again. 1874 - Pope Pius IX sees the Virgin Mary on a strip of delicious bacon. 1927 - Charles Lindbergh impresses two continents and wins a load of cash. 1930 - A time-travelling Jimbo Wales makes an unsuccessful attempt to kill Hitler. The two later become the best of friends. 1932 - Popeye is introduced to Extra Virgin Olive Oyl. 1971 - Responding to the Soviet Union's announcementof the day before the BBC start legal predings for copyright violation, claiming "Mars 2 is just a cheap knock off of Button Moon". 1988 - Night Court is cancelled. The suicide rate for shut-ins triples overnight. 1995 - Some guy finally translates De Bello Gallico. 1999 - Sophia Capicola directs the The Virgin Suicides to the delight of spaced out club kids everywhere. 2004 - McCaulay Caulkin finally loses his virginity while falling from a cliff. 2007 - Illegal aliens crossing the US/Mexico border see the Virgin Mary in the Bush Administration's new 10000 volt border fence. Archived Anniversaries	edit For exclusive news coverage, get UnNews PLUS! Free, single and plenty of fish to choose from (pictured) Zimbabwe presidential elections features a hair metal candidate Baseballer says his piece and puts everyone on high alert Anorexic cheerleader scandal Trusted news service hacked ( listen) Reese Witherspoon very confused Norway returns to darkness Kim il-Thatch dead and not loving it Dead rapper does an Elvis in the Middle East Gangster's uzi kills gangster's wife Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy day! Diamond found inside cubic zirconium More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... That you can get Did You Know in your email if you SUBSCRIBE TODAY! ...that really fat people cannot wash themselves but must avail of car washes late at night? Read More
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Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!! GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 30,270 articles. 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