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Welcome to the Swiss Uncyclopedia, the neutral encyclopedia that anyone can edit but only if they have sufficient funds.

   
 

Sophia has opened 30,661 numbered bank accounts since opening in January 2005.
Before editing, please read the War Profit Investment guidelines and neutrality manual.

 
   

Sex | War | Bank Vault Technology | Reservists | Female Emancipation | 4 Offical Languages
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Respect my Neutralitah!

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I'm Rich Bitch!

  • Willkommen an, sorgt die neutrale Enzyklopädie dafür gänzlich von Käse, daß jeder veröffentlichen kann, wenn sie ausreichende Fonds haben. Sophia hat 30,661 Bankkonten eröffnet, die seit der Öffnung im Januar 2005 numeriert wurden. Vor der Ausgabe lesen die Richtlinien der Investition von Kriegsgewinn und das Neutralitätshandbuch!
  • Benvenuto al, l'enciclopedia neutra che chiunque può pubblicare ma soltanto se hanno fondi monetari suffient. Sophia ha aperto 30,661 clienti numerati della banca dall'apertura nel mese di gennaio del 2005. Prima della pubblicazione, legga prego la guida di riferimento di investimento di profitto di guerra ed il manuale di neutralità.

Today's Featured Account

Today's Featured Article - Gravity (film)

Kerbal

Gravity is a 2013 science-fiction blockbuster starring Special Effects and Space Debris, with cameos from Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. It quickly became one of the top grossing movies in history, with a combined take of only $100 million less than timeless classics like Ice Age: Continental Drift and Fast & Furious 6.

In a world where global space agencies are run by incompetent nitwits and all objects lie in virtually the same orbit, NASA has taken the Space Shuttle out of retirement and is repairing the Hubble Space Telescope a second time. Generically named astronauts Ryan Stone (Bullock) and Matt Kowalski (Clooney) are joined on the mission by several other bit characters whose names neither the director nor the audience care about. Stone is a criminally incompetent PTSD case who cheated her way through astronaut training with appeals to pity over the "freak playground accident" of her daughter. Kowalski, the mission commander, is a graduate of Upper New York Pickup College and has a self-published book available on Lulu.com, Bang Space: How To Pick Up Chicks In Low-Earth Orbit.

With no warning during the mission, Russia decides that space is overrated and creates a deadly debris field that will render space inaccessible for centuries and which flies on a newly invented "half the orbital period as low earth orbit" trajectory, pummeling everything in its way every 90 minutes. The remainder of the shuttle crew are killed, forcing Kowalski to switch his pickup strategy from Negging to White Knight as he gives her instructions on how to reach the international space station, how to use a wrench, and how to tie her shoes. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - UnBooks Biography:The guy who invented soap

Mud-2S

Paos, a prehistoric Clovis culture American warrior who lived large on the land and reigned over so many women that they could not be counted, invented soap - which is Paos spelled backwards. Men called him their friend, and went to hunt with him, and baked the bread as only a man chef can bake it. Paos The Great, his story we tell.

"Bend me into a pretzel, do it now Paos," said Bridgette'a, one of his uncounted women, and a few minutes later Paos listened to her moans and watched as she trembled, shook, and then screamed out "Now wash me, Paos. Wash me!"

Paos didn't know what she talking about. Wash her? What did that even mean? "Go to sleep Bridgette'a, now is not the time," Paos said, hoping that this would be enough to get him out of whatever he was in. But it wasn't.

"Wash me, Paos, please, wash me," Bridgette'a said as she slithered under him, rubbing something on his leg. It was some kind of stick. She wanted him to rub a stick all over her, to knock the dirt and rotting leaves off. "I've gotten into a hell of a jam here," Paos said to himself, using the Clovis culture's ancient word for hell - tlayōhuatizannō pive za. He took the stick from her mud covered hands and started to knock earth and vegetable matter from her limbs.

While running the rough bark over her ("You're washing me, Pao, you're washing me!") Paos noticed that some of the stuff had ants in it. Other lumps, those of clay and pebbles, were too solid to have any insect life. In those areas he had to use his fingers to extract embedded pieces of fruit. He had come here for the horseplay, got that over with, and now he was stuck in something very weird. He felt like one of those bronzed idiots down at the beach. (more...)

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Selected anniversaries

OverThere

Look mom!! Look!! Look!!

August 21: International "Look over there!" Day

  • 4002 BCE - Adam and Eve become aware of their nakedness; Eve asks Adam why he is staring at her breasts. Adam shouts "Look over there!" and runs away, thus inventing The Oldest Trick in the Book.
  • 3998 BCE - Adam tells Eve her shoelaces are untied and flicks her in the nose, thus inventing The Second-Oldest Trick in the Book.
  • 27 - Jesus says he sees a giant killer land shark, uses the distraction to grab many loaves and fishes from his wagon.
  • 1458 - A small child in London shouts "Look, a duck!" whilst pointing in the air to buy himself enough time to rob the city while the population is staring pointlessly at the sky.
  • 1831 - While picking cotton, Nat Turner shouts "Look at all those aboltionists!" and runs away, successfully escaping slavery.
  • 1832 - Nat Turner hanged.
  • 1911 - Louvre employee remarks "My stars, what is that," steals Mona Lisa.
  • 1940 - Leon Trotsky is killed with a pickaxe in Mexico. His last name reminds me of a horse.
  • 1959 - President Dwight D. Eisenhower exclaims "That woman is topless!", signs Hawaii into statehood while everyone is distracted.
  • 1967 - Carrie-Anne Moss distracts mother long enough to escape from uterus.
  • 1976 - Korean War: Operation Paul Bunyan takes place. An American invasion force is distracted when North Koreans yell "Look at that giant tree," causing angry Marines to forget their mission and focus on chopping it down.
  • 1995 - Monica Lewinsky screams "Oh no, a vast right-wing conspiracy," fellates Bill Clinton while he's looking around exclaiming "Where? Where?"
  • 2003 - Edna Turnington of Gloucestershire purchases seven pounds of ground beef.
  • 2010 - HOLY CRAP THERE'S A GIANT SPIDER ON THE WALL BEHIND YOU!
  • 2011 - US government tells citizens, "Look over there at all those bad people in the Middle East!" While the population looks on to see what happens, their income tax is raised to 99%.

Archived Anniversaries

Things happening in the rest of the world, which didn't make us a profit.


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Writer of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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