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Featured Article

Today's Featured Article - Muslim Sisterhood

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The Chamber of Muslim Sisters, usually referred to as the Muslim Sisterhood is the female division of the group ISIS. The primary objective of the Sisterhood is to make everything that it comes into contact with halal and then redistribute it to the Western World. However, it also serves to provide places of refuge from American drones. The Sisterhood was inspired on 6 June 2006 when several ISIS members named Mohamed simultaneously found their children all wearing burqas; as such, they could not tell apart their sons and their daughters. Together, they exclaimed "Praise Allah the true One! For if we men wear burqas instead of balaclavas, then NATO and Americans won't strike us anymore!" Since then, more than 300 Sisterhood chambers have been erected throughout Iraq and Syria, with the entry requirement of wearing a burqa. As such, none have ever been the target of Western forces, which is much safer than any of the United Nations operated 'schools' along the Gaza Strip. However, rather than sitting around and doing nothing, the people inside the chambers are hard at work halalifying things all day, devoting their hours to the cause of Islam.

The main activity conducted by the Sisterhood is the rectification of media deemed not suitable under Islamic standards. These processes are conducted in chambers whose structures are best described as being like the human digestive system; the materials to be tested enter the front of the building, then pass through 1.6 km of rigorous examination and editing by members of the Sisterhood, and are finally expelled from the rear as 'certified halal' (more...)

Recently featured: Muslim Sisterhood - Samsung

Yesterday's Featured Article - Samsung

Samsungrange

Samsung is a Korean manufacturer of smartphones, phablets[2] and tablets, that people are compelled to buy once every six months, without fail. Otherwise they will stare down the gauntlet of ridicule and social ruin for having a portable device with a gigantic screen that can disappointingly only be read from the Moon, compared to the new model, which has an even more gigantic screen that can be read from the outer planets and further.

The modern corporation is a secretive family-owned conglomerate and, like all secretive family-owned conglomerates famed for their work on the big screen, it also has interests in the chemicals and shipping industries to complement its manufacturing credentials. Curiously, Samsung is yet to put a finger in the bolt-cutter and Robert DeNiro industries, though.

Samsung is also one of the world's most prolific innovators in the IT sphere, and the leading employer of engineers and scientists with degrees on "big", PhDs on "shiny" and Nobel Prizes for "screen". They've pioneered such innovations as the touch screen, the integration of the Android OS, and a new generation of semiconductor that makes hair and fingernails fall out. However the R&D team has never quite mastered the most profitable addition to an electronic product; the Apple logo.. (more...)

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Selected anniversaries

Carman-Master-Magician

Master Magician Carman, prior to the Marvin Gaye incident

November 29: Third annual Day of NEIN!, Spell all 'C' words with a 'K' day (UK High Schools)

  • 1854 - Australians rebel and wave the Eureka Flag. As usual, American government takes all credit from the Aussies.
  • 1939 - Britain asks ze Germans nicely to pul out of ze Poland... but dis ist NEIN day und so ze german public shouts! und so hitler said NEIN!!!
  • 1983 - In a publicity stunt gone bad, Carman decapitates R&B star Marvin Gaye.
  • 1983 - Band Aid release the little known Do They Know It's Christmas? (1983 Version)
  • 1984 - Chocolate rations were increased from 30 grams to 20 grams.
  • 1991 - David Copperfield stuns world by causing Statue of Liberty to vanish into thin air.
  • 1992 - After a year-long search, NYPD gives up search for missing statue, citing lack of cooperation by local eyewitnesses.
  • 1990 - Taking advantage of the 'C with K' day, someone wrote 'KUNT' on the blackboard, and was praised for thinking before being expelled.
  • 1993 - Retaliating against "police harassment" after authorities bring charges against him in relation to disappearance of Queens, Copperfield destroys Manhattan Island with his penis.
  • Today - Someone is throwing a party and you aren't invited.
  • Today - Bob got rob by Dennis
  • 2002 - As a special treat, high school pupils in England are allowed to play Kommanden and Konquer, but not Command and Conquer. When pupils discovered the game only existed with a 'C', there was a mass rebellion.
  • 2003 - Sally Webster and Pat Butcher partake in civil partnership
  • 2003 - Rumsfeld attemps to use magic in order to find WMD. Results are not as expected.
  • 2004 - Metropolitian Police release statement condeming Oscar Wilde
  • 2005 - Oscar Wilde wins high court battle with Metropolitian Police. Oscar Wilde spends settlement winnings on Cocaine
  • 2005 - Snape kills Dumbledore using magic.
  • 2005 - In Soviet Russia, magic kills Snape using YOU!
  • 2006 - Someone will throw another party to commemorate the one-year anniversary of their supreme triumph in having prevented you from attending their party the previous year; this timeyou will be invited
  • 2006 - Dick Chaney made some guy's head disappear. He later claimed that he was trying to make a rabbit come out of his hat but missed.
  • 2006 - A young boy is brutally beaten at school after spelling the word 'Comrade' instead of 'Komrad'
  • 2006 - Triumph, the talking dog, gets neutered.
  • 2007 - Just before dying of throat cancer, someone will write you out of their will for having failed to come to their party the year before last.
  • 2123 - The Magic Circle becomes corrupt after using their 'powers' for brutal mass-murder. The circle collapses... into more of an oval shape to be honest.
  • 2586 - Armageddon.
  • 2587 - Duke Nukem Forever.
  • AAAA - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Archived Anniversaries

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  • ...that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?


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