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Today's Featured Article -

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Yesterday's Featured Article - Bureaucracy

Irelandbureau

Bureaucracy "No rest for the wicked," they say. Today had been the worst day of my life: my girlfriend had killed herself and stipulated in her suicide note that she was my long lost sister, with a PS that I should get tested for AIDS. Then I had gone to the clinic to get tested, and though I had come up negative, the doctor told me that they had accidentally used a dirty needle to take the blood sample, giving me a promotional brochure featuring many different medications that I would promptly have the privilege of choosing to fit my lifestyle.

Going for the Poo Lit Surprise Best Image with this one. In the shade of her voluminous pirate hat, the receptionist glared at me like just one of the many other personal insults that she had to put up with daily. "Hi," I began. "Uh, the vending machine swallowed my coin."

"Arr, it does that."

"Can you refund me please?"

"Flavoured Carbonated Glucose Solution Supply & Affairs department, 13th floor."

"What? 13th floor? Can't you just give me the money?"

"ARR, do ye be wanting to mess with this shit‽" she said with a threatening interrobang, narrowing her non-patched eye.

I backed off a step. "I didn't mean any offense, ma'am."

"Flavoured Carbonated Glucose Solution Supply & Affairs department, 13th floor."(more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Jane Marple, featured on 22 August 2013. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Chickenedited
  • ...cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (pictured)!
  • ...that when it says 'Do not try at home', it actually means 'Do not try this at all'?
  • ...that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
  • ...that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
  • ...that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
  • ...that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
  • ...that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?

In the news:

On this day...

August 22: Obvious Day (24-hour period to celebrate the recognition of things which are readily apparent)
CaptObviousTitanic
  • 1492 - First encounter between Native Americans and Europeans. "I think these guys are up to no good," the local shaman remarks after being promptly shot.
  • 1717 - Spanish troops land on Sardinia. Having forgotten the can opener, they promptly leave.
  • 1939 - The Third Reich and the Nazis continue their march across Europe. This is bad.
  • 1940 - As the Germans invade Belgium in WWII, some guy thought "This seems somehow familar."
  • 1945 - Nazis defeated. This is good.
  • 1948 - Jewish state of Israel founded in the predominantly Arab Middle East. This will later cause problems.
  • 1966 - Captain Obvious is born. Doctor proclaims, "It's a boy," because the child has a penis.
  • 1973 - Brutal, murderous dictator Augusto Pinochet takes control over Chile. "I bet the CIA is helping this guy," says a random intellectual just before being abducted by a group of soldiers.
  • 2001 - Like we didn't see it coming. What the fuck.
  • 2003 - People realize that George W. Bush is an idiot.
  • 2012 - People actually acknowledge that the Titanic was in fact not unsinkable

Today's featured picture

MetroFreud

As always, Freud has the answer.

Image Credit: Spintherism
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