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Today's Featured Article

Today's Featured Article - Bee

Bee on flower

Bees are a special kind of fly with a stinger and a sweet tooth. They are like ants, but can fly around and impale in addition to bite. Despite this, most species of bees are peaceful and only attack their evil foes. Bees often die as a result of their attacks. Thus, a great debate rages amongst biologists as to whether they are leftover World War II kamikaze fighters or modern-day radical Islam jihadists. They all fight for their queen, and anyone opposed to her is considered an infidel and must be slain. Bees should not be confused with hornets, wasps or yellowjackets. Bees are peaceful creatures that are easily offended by the racist idea that they all look alike. They will sting you to death for confusing them with their even more violent cousins. (more...)

Recently featured: Bee

Yesterday's Featured Article - Hillsdale College

Hillsdale College, old

Hillsdale College in Hillsdale, Michigan is a coeducational institution granting degrees including the Doctor of Reaganomics. National Review has called Hillsdale "the conservative Harvard," while

Mother Jones refers to it as "an awful place to smoke dope and get laid." It is notorious for its regularity in poking a curricular finger in the eye of government. Its Division II wrestling team plays in both the Greco-Roman and Judeo-Christian formats. Hillsdale is so God-awfully far from any expressway that going home for the weekend is as tedious as the universally mandated reading of the classics.

Hillsdale was founded as Michigan Boondocks College, as the town of Hillsdale at that point was called Spring Arbor and just as far from civilization as it is today. Hillsdale was pious before piety even became fashionable, its charter prohibiting excluding anyone from anything because of religious opinions, and being equally willing to nag Christians as heathens. Hillsdale was affiliated with the Free will Baptists, as is only Bates College in Maine, and Hillsdale remains the choice of all students who do not want to leave with a resumé listing their "Masters-Bates."

Hillsdale also prohibited race and sex discrimination, admitting African Americans (who weren't called that yet) in 1844, and in 1851 graduating Michigan's first woman student with the Spinster of Arts. In 1856, it became Michigan's largest college, as in that century learning still used to win out over creating new jobs in government. (more...)

On this day...
Punching Carrottop

October 14: National Hit an Annoying Person in the Head Day

  • 1066 - William the Conqueror punches Harold Godwinson in the head at the Battle of Hastings.
  • 1922 - A man is punched in the head after he uses the elevator to ride a single floor instead of taking the stairs opposite the elevators.
  • 1985 - New York is the first state that allows the state troopers to pull over slow drivers and then smack them 'upside the head'.
  • 1992 - Entire Royal Family of Britain smacked 'upside the head'.
  • 1999 - A PC spits a CD out of its CD-ROM drive, hitting Bill Gates in the head. This is the first confirmed instance of artificial intelligence.
  • 2001 - George Dubya smacked in the head with a whiffleball bat. The attacker is not apprehended, but leaves behind a number of pamphlets about global warming.
  • 2002 - Fran Drescher hit in the head with a large halibut. Fortunately, the halibut is unharmed.
  • 2003 - George of the Jungle was captured by a nearby tree, which promptly clubbed him in the head. Apparently the tree was meditating when George's distracting collisions occurred.
  • 2004 - Subway's Jared Fogle was knocked unconscious when struck in the face with a stale foot-long loaf of Italian Herbs-'n'-Cheese Bread. As a result, Jared endured several painful operations to remove razor-sharp breadcrumbs and flakes of oregano which are lodged deep in his sinuses.
  • 2009 - Someone hits an annoying person with a stick 9 times.
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Today's featured picture
Lance brick

When it was invented, the lance with a brick on the end was considered a marvel of contemporary medieval war technology. The lance with a brick on the end made it possible for unexperienced, n00b knights to defeat 1337 knights using the old-fashioned, brick-free lances nine times out of ten. The vast superiority of the lance with a brick on the end led to its near-universal adoption within a period of less than two decades. Note that the n00b knight on the right also has an Apexi "Cat back" muffler system on his head, which is first evidence that riceboys existed as early as the 14th century.

Image Credit: Sunsneezer
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Writer and Noob of the Month
Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.

Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!

It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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