Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 04:11, March 27, 2006 by Splaka (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search


Welcome to Uncyclopedia,

the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit
30,555 articles in English

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Donations

Categories · Featured content · A–Z index

Today's Featured Article

Today's Featured Article - Accountant

Ties

An accountant is a professional who sits in an office all day doing a few sums. Most college students aspire to be accountants, as playing on a computer is cool, though it would be cooler if they paid you to use World of Warcraft instead of Excel. College students with physical gifts do not aspire to be accountants, and may wind up hiring a couple. If being boring were an Olympic sport, accountants would always take home the gold.

Webster tells us that an accountant "understands the cost of everything and the value of nothing." It is not clear why we should give such credence to Webster, apart from the fact that he has eight accountants working for him: Webster has to go stronger to the hoop and learn to box out his man. At any rate, it is not true that accountants understand the value of nothing. For example, they intimately understand the value of having the total at the bottom of the left-hand column equal the total at the bottom of the right-hand column, just as line employees at McDonald's understand the value of putting the hamburger in the Styrofoam box before handing it to the customer. To mix metaphors, it is their bread and butter. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Making up Oscar Wilde quotes

Chaiselongue

Hello! My name is Lord Waltherington Spatula. You might have heard of me from either the news coverage of the tragic tram accident that lost me my arms, or the crown court trial where I was declared mentally incompetent after crashing a tram.

I see you're interested in Making up Oscar Wilde Quotes. I was like you once, so very long ago. If you wish to learn as I did then there is only one way. Step forward, my lovely assistant, Oscar.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best

He's such a card. Yes that's right, it turns out rumours of Oscar's death were greatly overstated as he's here, with me, in this booth, behind these curtains where you couldn't possibly see him. So, Oscar, why don't you tell everyone what they will need to get started?

Be warned in time, James, and remain, as I do, incomprehensible: to be great is to be misunderstood (more...)

On this day...
Missstalin

April 16: Stationary Banana Slug Riding Day

  • 1560 BC - Moses forgets to take his schizophrenia pills and begins to hear voices. He takes off from Ur, resulting in all of modern humanity's problems.
  • 1178 BC - Odysseus, legendary King of Ithaca, returns to his kingdom after the Trojan War. Cornellians giggle uncontrollably.
  • 1855 - Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln enjoy a night of mad passionate love; sloppy seconds are had after Mr. Lincoln keeps his promise that the South Shall Rise Again!
  • 1867 - Queen Victoria considers ending her mourning phase, but continues on: "Why spoil a good time?"
  • 1878 - Joseph Stalin is born.
  • 1889 - Future German dictator, Charles Spencer Chaplin, is born.
  • 1927 - A good day to be born if you are the leader of a world religion with the maddest gaze in human history.
  • 1934 - Eleanor Roosevelt uncharacteristically enjoys a hotdog.
  • 1943 - The first "Annual Miss Stalin-Look-Alike" contest is held in the Soviet Union. Joseph Stalin wins unanimously.
  • 1953 - Desi Arnaz slaps Lucille Ball, calling her an 'estupit beach' on national television.
  • 1972 - At the age of 69, actress Sharon Stone gets a star on the Walk of Fame.
  • 1991 - US federal law passed forbidding driving while spreading cream cheese on a bagel.
  • 2006 - The Queen of England decrees that all Australians must wear cork underpants.
  • 2007 - Donald Trump pardons the 2007 "Annual Miss Stalin-Look-Alike" contest winner for her objectable behavior.
Word of the Day
pidgin
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
In the news




UnNews – Need advice? Ask Cthulhu!

Did you know...
*...that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
    • ...that bears have been known to challenge for the role of Alaska's leader?
  • ...that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
Today's featured picture
Aoushot1

A screenshot from Age of Umpires II: Age of Cricket. In this example, we see the classic "Shotgun-Seven" formation being used to maximum effect. Any good Umpire would note that this places a good deal of emphasis on the left side, making it easy enough to sneak in the stray foul wicket.

Image Credit: Hindleyite
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images


Archive - Nominate new image
Recent Articles

End Time | Strange Fruit | Isaac Asimov | Kent | Ad hominem | Satchel | Malala Yousafzai‎‎ | Paramedic | Police | Fuck the Police | 1990s (rw) | Accountant (rw) | Yorkshire | Cracker Jack | Top 100 things we learn from the movies | After Burner | Liberals | Christy Turlington | RationalWiki (rw)| Windjammer | Absurdity | WikiHeaven | Out Run | Bob Dole | Kings of Leon | 9/11 (rw) | Unsolved problems in physics | Fracking | Cheka | Etiquette | Television | Moruga Scorpion Chili


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Writer and Noob of the Month
Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.
UnNews Logo Potato (No text) UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary Logo Text Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes2 UnTunes
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Game-Logo notext Games
Another way to waste time
Gorillatrans HowTo
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
Unbooks-logo notext UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable-logo-en vector notext Unquotable
Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity-logo-notext Uncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetialogo UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Undebate logo UnDebate
Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
UnReviewsLogo UnReviews
We'll tell you why things suck
Uncyclomedia Commons notext UnCommons
Broken media repository


Uncyclopedia Languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 30,555 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext
Uncyclopedia
English
United Kingdom
W17x11 30649
Desciclopédia
Português
Brazil
35457
アンサイクロペディア
日本語
Japan
16220
Nonsensopedia
Polski
Poland
W17x11 20323
Nonciclopedia
Italiano
Italy
W17x11 12328
Wiki it
1dÉ
Désencyclopédie
Français
France
W17x11 7257
Inciclopedia
Español
Spain
W17x11 8775
偽基百科
正體中文
Taiwan
5328
Uncyclopedia.de
Deutsch
Germany
W17x11 5520
Hikipedia
Suomi
Finland
6804
Hikipedia
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on August 12, 2011.
cy:
If you find Uncyclopedia or its sista projects amusing, please consider making a donation to help the victims of the War on Terra:

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.

Personal tools
projects