The Mini eats other low budget trundlemobiles for breakfast. Reliant Robins? On toast with beans. Austin Allegros? Mostly fried. Ford Granadas? Well, not really because it's on a diet. Driven almost exclusively by the very tall, the Mini is, like London, made entirely of Lego and resides in the garages of Highbury, Greater Paris. On weekends it sits in Kent but between 7PM and 4AM it mainly stands due to the lack of free seats. The only people who drive Minis are females (if you see a man in one, it's a shemale) with the exception of Mr. Bean (apart, of course, from weekends).
The Mini is incredibly safe. In actual fact, less people were killed during construction of Minis than by errant meteorite in the year 1997. Furthermore, the Mini has killed more crimininmininals (yes, that is how you spell crimininmininals) through fatal brake faults than any other vehicle, making the streets safe for regular, law-abiding city zens. Now that's impressive.
The Mini is fast: so fast, it is faster than a slug. And that's a souped-up Cuban speed slug we're talking about here, not just your run-of-the-mill garden type. However it is in no way as fast as John Prescott at a wedding party when the DJ announces that the buffet is open. (more...)
UnBooks:My Pal Stanley Kubrick Tonight we honor one of the finest directors of the 20th Century, the late, great Stanley Kubrick. As the 2012 President of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences I want to give a warm Hollywood welcome to our keynote speaker, Father John Murphy. The Padre, as we in the winner's circle know him, just flew in from the Vatican on his private jet.
Father Murphy knew Stanley for over 35 years, up to and including his untimely death in 1999, so I'm sure His Holiness has a treasure trove of memorable moments to share with us. Without further ado, would you kindly welcome Pope Benedict's right hand, the Keeper of the Keys, and the dizzy Dean of the College of Cardinals, Father John Murphy.
1910 - The inaugural tri-annual Oscar Wilde Appreciation Day is declared by UK Prime Minister H.H. Asquith. He commemorates the day by reading from Wilde's short story The Canterville Ghost.
1916 - Allied and Central Powers forces cease hostilites for the day during World War I in order to commemorate Wilde by exchanging copies of his works.
1919 - Women marching on Washington seeking the right to vote cite Wilde's play A Woman of No Importance as an example of mysoginistic views.
1933 - US President Franklin D. Roosevelt delivers his first so-called "fireside chat", during which he reads excerpts from Wilde's play The Duchess of Padua.
1963 - A statue of Wilde is erected in his birthplace: Dublin, Ireland. It is inscribed with passages from his most well-known work, The Happy Prince and Other Stories, and becomes a site of pilgrimage for struggling young homosexual playwrights around the world.
1998 - Wilde's play The Importance of Being Earnest is turned into both the Disney film Ernest in the Army, an entry in the wildly successful "Ernest Goes" series, and Being John Malkovich, which addresses issues of self-awareness that are often seen in Wilde's works.
Word of the Day
death Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power.
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many monthsyears to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!