Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 08:27, May 16, 2010 by Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search
Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
30,692 articles in English

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Donations

Categories · Featured content · A–Z index

Today's Featured Article - BioShock

BioShock cover

BioShock is an award-winning, first-person shooter video game developed by Irrational and released by 2K Games in 2007. The game is set in the underwater city of Rapture in the 1960s. The player identifies with the protagonist, misunderstood perverted mass murderer ‘Jack’, a character based on the game's main developer, Ken Levine. It is widely regarded as one of the greatest games ever made due to its shocking content, adult themes and political satire, rivaling those sorts of shows that are only screened on HBO after the kids are meant to be in bed.

The game opens with the main protagonist Jack on the transatlantic red-eye flight to an unknown destination. A short clip shows Jack using an empty bag of Quavers in an odd way, followed by his plane crashing into the Atlantic Ocean, killing almost everyone.

Jack manages to survive the crash, and whilst swimming away from the flaming wreckage and bobbing decapitations, spots a darkened lighthouse standing inconspicuously in the middle of the ocean. Balls beginning to freeze, he quickly swims over to it and enters the front door to realise he’s inadvertently discovered the entrance to the hidden underwater city of Rapture. With no other plans in his diary for the day, he descends into Rapture and is immediately confronted with blabbering duo Andrew Ryan and Atlas The Sneaky Paddy. (more...)

Recently featured: BioShock

Yesterday's Featured Article - George R. R. Martin

GameOfThroneFans01

George R. R. Martin (born September 20, 1948) is the bearded, retired Santa Claus look-a-like responsible for the BLT sized books A Game of Thrones, Feast of Crows and I Wrote This by Mashing up Everything That Came to Hand. Martin is now chuckling all the way to his bank. No relation to J.K.Rowling, J.R.Ewing or G.R.R.R.R.R (a grizzly bear when he discovers you inside a tent on his hunting land).

Martin comes across as the jolly bloated uncle you never had (or never wished to have). He could also be a garden gnome that managed to heft his bulk over a garden wall and is now running amok polluting the minds of the young and easily influenced with his turgid tomes. Considered to be by some as the 'American J.R.R Tolkien' or a gurning version of C.S. Lewis, Martin cleverly realised that the path to happiness and gold is to 'sex up' your stories and add a lot gore when the action heads into a plodding direction.

This is certainly the view of the HBO teleivision channel who gobbled up the rights to Martin's A Singalong of Fire and Ice series (unfinished) and are now currently shooting the series in Belfast in Northern Ireland. Since this was also the place where the RMS Titanic was launched, the producers may have hoped that if the show tanked or was sunk by an iceberg of audience indifference, no one would have noticed. Unluckily for us, though the pilot was thrown overboard for excess cheesy acting, a re-casting and re-boot has turned the TV series into a world wide hit. It has also given hope to other writers of half arsed fantasy literature another boost that their fluffy epics will be picked up and turned into pricey TV series. It is becoming all very 'Martinesque'. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured UnTunes:Uncyclopedia Didn't Start The Fire, featured on 22 September 2011. See the featured version.
UnNews:Stand Up to Stand Up to Cancer, featured on 22 September 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*...that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
  • ...that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
  • ...that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
  • ...that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
  • ...that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
  • ...that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?

In the news

On this day...

Autumnal Unquinox

September 22: Autumnal Unquinox, Annual 'Shout At the Elderly Day'

  • 66 - Emperor Nero creates the Legion Italica, who wrote in all italics.
  • 1465 - Aztec tourists discover autumn in the resort town of Equinox, Vermont, a town named for an Aroostook chief who tended to fall off his horse. The first day of autumn was named after the town.
  • 1742 - Instead of the sun rising this day a giant inflatable Wario head rose in the East followed by an encore of 'bowsers castle' music for the entire morning. This could be heard and seen all over the globe.
  • 1785 - Britain fails to recognise this day any longer, after realising that "the weather's always crap, every bloody day!"
  • 1816 - Autumn was cancelled after the Year Without A Summer.
  • 1827 Some guy invents Mormonism
  • 1867 - New England businessmen and scientists announce they genetically modified trees to change colors in autumn, as part of a plan to lure Southern tourists back North after the Civil War. The plan fails when the first Southern tourists complain about the integration of colored trees with non-colored trees.
  • 1868 - Unquinox missing in France. Rioting strangely absent.
  • 1898 - Toast was invented by Cthulu
  • 1939 - America yet to join World War II, Roosevelt requires more persuasion.
  • 1960 - Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham is first published, provoking the law that Best Before Date stickers are to be put on all eggs and ham. This law was later extended to include all perishable food items and Michael Jackson's career.
  • 1998 - Porky Pig dies of heart attack at the Scrappy Doo Medical Center and Cancer Department.
  • 2001 - The Federal Communications Commission places largely ignored ban on the use of Fall as a synonym for Autumn, citing complaints by family members of September 11 victims.
  • 2003 - Plans to change Winter to "Gets-back-up-again" were shelved, because it was "stupid".
  • 2004 - The countdown timer in LOST secretly goes below zero and counts down to minus 108, before displaying a picture of the Rosetta Stone and then a large Wikipedia logo. On a completely unrelated note, a plane crashed on the island and the first series of LOST began.
  • 2009 - The reknowned special forces operative, marine and space cosmonaut, Master Chief, was found dead with his life partner Arby laying over him weeping. When consoled he gave an account of their first sexual encounter since their relationship began. Arby stated that his species has to wipe out the lint in their bladder everyday or it is projected out at near FTL speeds from one of their sexual organs, usually the phalus. Arby forgot.
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

LEGOGiraffeCull

Lego Noir

Image Credit: ScottPat
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

Firesheep | Lava lamp | Ebola | Brick (rw) | Chess | Food (rw) | Please unblock me | My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection | Elizabeth Warren | Essex | Caliphate | Office etiquette (rw) | Barcelona | Antigonish, N.S. | Navelism | Cutter® (rw) | Rutherford B. Hayes | Netflix | Pink slime | Battle of Bosworth | The 100 | Twelve Tables | Jam session | New Jersey | Keynesianism (rw) | George R. R. Martin | Wat Tyler | Father Ted | Andorra | Town meeting | Mylène Farmer | Eclipse (rw) | Fringe


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.
UnNews Logo Potato (No text) UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary Logo Text Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes2 UnTunes
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Game-Logo notext Games
Another way to waste time
Gorillatrans HowTo
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
Unbooks-logo notext UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable-logo-en vector notext Unquotable
Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity-logo-notext Uncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetialogo UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Undebate logo UnDebate
Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
UnReviewsLogo UnReviews
We'll tell you why things suck
Uncyclomedia Commons notext UnCommons
Broken media repository


Uncyclopedia Languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 30,692 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext
Uncyclopedia
English
United Kingdom
W17x11 30557
Desciclopédia
Português
Brazil
45286
アンサイクロペディア
日本語
Japan
18180
Nonsensopedia
Polski
Poland
W17x11 16666
Nonciclopedia
Italiano
Italy
W17x11 13518
Wiki it
1dÉ
Désencyclopédie
Français
France
W17x11 8364
Inciclopedia
Español
Spain
W17x11 10392
偽基百科
正體中文
Taiwan
5720
Uncyclopedia.de
Deutsch
Germany
W17x11 Unknown
Hikipedia
Suomi
Finland
7614
Hikipedia
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on September 3, 2014.

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.

Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
<includeonly>Template:FA/01 April 2008Template:FA/2008</includeonly>
Personal tools
projects