The Mini eats other low budget trundlemobiles for breakfast. Reliant Robins? On toast with beans. Austin Allegros? Mostly fried. Ford Granadas? Well, not really because it's on a diet. Driven almost exclusively by the very tall, the Mini is, like London, made entirely of Lego and resides in the garages of Highbury, Greater Paris. On weekends it sits in Kent but between 7PM and 4AM it mainly stands due to the lack of free seats. The only people who drive Minis are females (if you see a man in one, it's a shemale) with the exception of Mr. Bean (apart, of course, from weekends).
The Mini is incredibly safe. In actual fact, less people were killed during construction of Minis than by errant meteorite in the year 1997. Furthermore, the Mini has killed more crimininmininals (yes, that is how you spell crimininmininals) through fatal brake faults than any other vehicle, making the streets safe for regular, law-abiding city zens. Now that's impressive.
The Mini is fast: so fast, it is faster than a slug. And that's a souped-up Cuban speed slug we're talking about here, not just your run-of-the-mill garden type. However it is in no way as fast as John Prescott at a wedding party when the DJ announces that the buffet is open. (more...)
UnBooks:My Pal Stanley Kubrick Tonight we honor one of the finest directors of the 20th Century, the late, great Stanley Kubrick. As the 2012 President of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences I want to give a warm Hollywood welcome to our keynote speaker, Father John Murphy. The Padre, as we in the winner's circle know him, just flew in from the Vatican on his private jet.
Father Murphy knew Stanley for over 35 years, up to and including his untimely death in 1999, so I'm sure His Holiness has a treasure trove of memorable moments to share with us. Without further ado, would you kindly welcome Pope Benedict's right hand, the Keeper of the Keys, and the dizzy Dean of the College of Cardinals, Father John Murphy.
300 BC - Olipro's earlist known ancestor, Gayus Maximus, introduces pederasty to Ancient Greek society.
42 - Under Caligula, Olipro's most famous ancestor, sodomy becomes the official sport of Rome.
1429 - With his lineage being well documented, we suspect that somebody in Olipro's ancestry did something remarkably gay on this day.
1492 - Seaman and Olipro ancestor Oliver de Gaul intends to travel to the New World with Columbus as his first mate. Unfortunately, he is late arriving to the ship on port as he was too busy being fucked in the ass by a Spanish stallion. He misses the boat and starts a lucrative enterprise manufacturing Pears of Agony.
1776 - Benjamin Franklin and an "Oliver von Homosexuelle of Austria" exchange a series of erotic letters now hosted at the Museum of American History.
1785 - Marquis de Sade finishes penning "120 Days of Sodom", an autobiography of Olipro's only French ancestor, Oliver L'homosexuel.
2000 - A children's story based on the gay penguins is created. It is read to Olipro that same year, and becomes his childhood favorite, which some speculate may have been formative to an impressionable Olipro.
2009 - Olipro is gangbanged by 12 Puerto Rican men at his birthday party, failing to beat his previous record by only 60 more Puerto Ricans.
2010 - EMC smashes all previous records for shameless UN:CM violations, but Codeine's mum actually steps in at the eleventh hour to point out that it's all rather amusing. Olipro fucks a dead sheep to celebrate.
Word of the Day
fish Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power.
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many monthsyears to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!