Today's Featured Article - Numbers
The number is a man made cultural construction which has no inherent relationship to the physical world. There are no NUMBERS in the universe and if you asked the universe if it wanted any it would respond with a long deep whispery silence. Numbers have no relationship to the spiritual world as God is dead over a century now my friend. It does have a relationship to the psychological world as numbers have feelings. Fragile shattered feelings.
The history of simple numbers starts from hungry nomads counting sheep to warriors counting lost teeth and enging with Saudi Arabian sultans counting their children. None of these counting systems included a zero as no one needed to count something that they had none of. The invention of the zero propelled numbers from an already abstract concept to a radioactive intellectual hysteria. It is impossible to find one single object in your house that could have arrived where it is without the digit zero. Though this is strange...as there are no inherant zeros in the universe...so how did it get there?
Then suddenly there are creepy decimal places. Dangerous negative numbers. Violent abstract algebra. Imagine how difficult it would be to measure the radius of your coffee mug without the digit zero! Think about that when you wake up at five in the morning with three children screaming in their pee soaked pajamas.
Yesterday's Featured Article - Cleopatra
Cleopatra of Egypt is the most famous woman who has ever lived unless you count Miley Cyrus. She was the smart Queen of Egypt who shrewdly manipulated a succession of Roman generals including Julius Caesar and Mark Antony to get her own way. If they thought of her as a bit of classy 'Egyptian rumpy pumpy', Cleopatra was also busy working out how to extract the maximum political benefit from her selective couplings. As Cleopatra would say in private:'Rome be damned, what is that collection of shacks compared to Alexandria? I would straddle their women if it meant I was in charge of a new Romano-Hanky-Panky world.
Cleopatra Neon 'Pitta-Patter' was born around 69 BC in Alexandria , Egypt to Pharaoh Ptolemy 'The Loosest Flute in the Orchestra' and Cleopatra Jones, an African-American-Welsh political activist who was in the city on her gap year... (more...)
Did you know...
|*...that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
- ...that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
- ...that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
- ...that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
- ...that one person can change the world?
- ...that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
In the news
On this day...
December 20: "Oh yeah?! You goin' down!" Day (New Jersey), Blueberry Harvest Season officially ends (you missed it)
- 4,000,000 BC - Trash talking is invented by caveman. First insult is samallhuuuuell1!!(I'm a kick the shit out of yo potatoes!!)
- 1800 - Evidence comes to light that The Battle of Gillygillyossenfefferkatzenellenbogen-by-the-sea actually took place just outside Gillygillyossenfefferkatzenellenbogen-by-the-sea.
- 1803 - Napoleon annexes St.Louisiana, taking it over from the America. He defends it by making a pact with the unpredictable Llama Jesus, now proven to be very much alive and roaming the swamp around Florida.
- 1860 - South Carolina secedes from the United States, marking the official end of the Blueberry Harvest Festival (and also leading to the American Civil War).
- 1931 - Terrell Owens, Godzilla, Crazy Frog, Vanilla Ice, Millard Fillmore, and Vin Diesel form The Legion of Doom, and celebrate by stealing a nigga's bike.
- 1977 - Kitten Huffing deemed a breach of Human Rights.
- 1982 - American-Welsh War of 1982 begins in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch.
| Colonization of the Week
|For the glory of her majesty|
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.