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m (revert crazy Canadian holiday or whatever it was)
(happy 4th :))
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<h1 style="font-size:162%;border:none;margin: 0;padding:.1em;color:#000">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]],</h1>
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<h1 style="font-size:162%;border:none;margin: 0;padding:.1em;color:#000">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia Americana]],</h1>
<div style="top:+0.2em;font-size: 95%">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</div>
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<div style="top:+0.2em;font-size: 95%">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|all good, loyal Americans can edit]].</div>
<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%;text-align:center;font-size:85%;">[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles in English</div>
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<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%;text-align:center;font-size:85%;">[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles in American</div>
 
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*[[:Category:Politics and Government|Politics]]
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*[[:Category:Politics and Government|Capitol Hill]]
*[[:Category:Games|Games]]
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*[[:Category:Games|War Games]]
*[[:Category:Computers and Technology|Computers]]
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*[[:Category:Computers and Technology|Silicon Valley]]
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*[[:Category:People|People]]
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*[[:Category:People|Great Americans]]
*[[:Category:Quaint|Quaint]]
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*[[:Category:Quaint|Walk softly]]
*[[:Category:Coherent|Coherent]]
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*[[:Category:Coherent|Carry a big stick]]
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*[[:Category:Science|Science]]
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*[[:Category:Science|US Patents]]
*[[:Category:History|History]]
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*[[:Category:History|US History]]
*'''[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|All]]'''
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*'''[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|All America]]'''
 
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[[Beginner's Guide]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|The Big Five]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Style]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Questions]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|Help]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Donations|Donations]]
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[[Beginner's Guide|Constitution]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|Declaration of Independence]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Liberty Bell]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Bill of Rights]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|NATO]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Donations|Support the US war effort]]
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[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Categories]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Featured content]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|A&ndash;Z index]]
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[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|50 States]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|American Idols]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|Red, White &amp; Blue]]
 
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{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f2fff9;"
 
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f2fff9;"
! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#cef2e0;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> Today's featured article</h2>
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#4040ff;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> USA Today's Front Page Story</h2>
 
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#4040ff;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Did y'all know...</h2>
 
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{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#fff0f0;"
<!--! style="background-color:#cedff2; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size:120%; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left" | Word of the Day
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<!--! style="background-color:#f2cedf; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size:120%; border:1px solid #bfa3b0; text-align:left" |Noah Webster's word of the day
 
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|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[{{wotd/{{CURRENTMONTH}}}}]]</span><br />''Try to use it in conversation.<br>Knowledge is power.''</center>
 
|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[{{wotd/{{CURRENTMONTH}}}}]]</span><br />''Try to use it in conversation.<br>Knowledge is power.''</center>
 
|--->
 
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">In the news</h2>
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#ff4040;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #bfa3b0;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Dispatches from the Voice of America</h2>
 
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[[Image:Flag of USA.gif|thumb|America, the beautiful]]
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<div style="text-align: right;" class="noprint">
 
<div style="text-align: right;" class="noprint">
'''[[UnNews:Main Page|UnNews]]''' &ndash; '''[http://www.freewebs.com/uncyclopediacast/ Radio Free Lunch]'''<br>
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'''[[UnNews:Main Page|Voice of America]]''' &ndash; '''[http://www.freewebs.com/uncyclopediacast/ Radio Free Lunch]'''<br>
 
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">On this day...</h2>
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#ff4040;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #bfa3b0;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">On this day in America...</h2>
 
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{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#fff8f2;"
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#ddcef2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Today's featured picture</h2>
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#ff4040;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #ff4040;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">George Eastman's featured picture</h2>
 
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{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#fff8f2;"
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#F2CECE;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"><div class="plainlinks" style="float:right;margin-left:5px;margin-right:10px">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> Recent Articles</h2>
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#ff4040;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #ff4040;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"><div class="plainlinks" style="float:right;margin-left:5px;margin-right:10px">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> Fair and balanced</h2>
 
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'''[[Special:Wantedpages|Most wanted outlaws]]''' |
 
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#ff4040;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #ff4040;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Great American heroes</h2>
 
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Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Fair Use Clause]], and an elite clan of [[Clinja]]s.
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Protected by the [[Help:Fair Use|Declaration of Independence]] and an elite clan of [[Clinja|Minutemen]]. [[God]] bless [[America]]!
 
[[Category: Uncyclopedia]]
 
[[Category: Uncyclopedia]]

Revision as of 04:00, July 4, 2006

Welcome to Uncyclopedia Americana,

31,185 articles in American

Constitution · Declaration of Independence · Liberty Bell · Bill of Rights · NATO · Support the US war effort

50 States · American Idols · Red, White & Blue

USA Today's Front Page Story

Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: Box-spring

Yesterday's Featured Article - Box-spring

Lost in bed

A box-spring (or divan in the UK, where they don't use such common vulgarities as box) is a type of bed base. These are generally designed to give the general approximation of comfort while in the store testing the bed, but are designed to cause discomfort from the moment of installation within a home.

The construction of these nominally entitled beds typically consist of a wooden frame, covered in dust mite friendly cloth, and containing what are referred to as bedsprings. These bedsprings are tested against several criterion, known colloquially as the "four c's". These are: (more...)

  • Clarity
  • Carat
  • Color (or colour in the UK, where extraneous vowels are the preferred norm).
  • Cut
  • Certificate
Most wire coils contain some inner flaws (or inclusions in the UK), that occur in the manufacturing process. Highly skilled manufacturers work on adding these in an extremely calculated manner. The purpose of these is to allow the bed to have an initial softness or "comfort" factor, but due to these inclusions the springs will quickly weaken, deform, snap, or generally just become completely screwed up. Hairline fractures hat occur laterally along the direction of the spring are highly sought (or "saught" in the UK), along with air bubbles in the spring itself.(more...)

Did y'all know...

*...that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
  • ...that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
  • ...that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
  • ...that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
  • ...that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?

Dispatches from the Voice of America

Kanye God.jpg

Recent Second Front Pages: GreeceHillary!UK election


Flag of USA

America, the beautiful


On this day in America...

September 4: Unnecessary Surgery Day
  • 30 - The Original Artists release album "20/20: The 20 Greatest hits from the 20's"
  • 1427 - Katie Price formed by sending an electric current through plastic. Generally seen to be a lousy idea.
  • 2003 - Al Gore has an aditional nose surgically attatched to his back, thus letting him smell his own farts.
  • 1834 - Vlad Drakul cancels newspaper subscription.
  • 1952 - Colonel Potter tries to take out Lt. Radar O'Riley's appendix, only to discover after making an incision that it's already out.
  • 1954 - In the only such instance in recorded history, your mom lost weight.
  • 1971 - Elvis gets a paper cut.
  • 1972 - Elvis gets a paper clip.
  • 1975 - A distant relative of a famous musician accidentally stumbles in front of an oncoming taxi cab, but the car stops, and he survives.
  • 1980 - John Denver hits the snooze button.
  • 1983 - Michael Jackson nearly dies of food poisoning after eating 12-year-old nuts.
  • 1984 - Pop star Prince has a second penis surgically attached. Millions think he's a gimp. Millions more just think it is so he can go and fuck himself. A recent internet video proves this.
  • 1985 - Cary Grant finds his bedside table has a small crack on one of the legs.
  • 1994 - An Ace Of Base song is released. The subsequent decontamination process takes 15 years to complete.
  • 1996 - Pop star Prince (or whatever the fuck he's called now) has a third penis surgically attached.
  • 1997 - Prince succesfully sues his surgeon for giving him the penis of an impotent man, claiming it has given his other two penises "performance anxiety". Nobody knows what the fuck he's talking about. Again.
  • 2005 - Steve Irwin kills a stingray in a boating accident while 5 times over the drink drive limit.
  • 2006 - Steve Irwin is murdered by a stingray. Police say it was an accident and the stingray isn't charged.
  • 2050 - Australians finally stop referring to Steve Irwin as a great bloke/battler/fighter/true Aussie and generally agree he was a bit stupid.

George Eastman's featured picture

Kafkametamorphosis

Franz Kafka started his career as a newspaper cartoonist, before being sued by Gary Larson in the court of his own mind.

Image Credit: Modusoperandi
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Fair and balanced

ZOMG | Ares | Jeremy Corbyn | SQL | Coca-Cola Classic | Sex change | FEMA | Bristol International Balloon Fiesta‎‎ | Ponytail | Atonality | Hercules | The Angry Video Game Nerd | Timur the Lame | Wasp | Gebhard Leberecht von Blücher | Colloquialism | Suit | Boeing 737 | Teleology | Sergei Eisenstein | Interstellar (movie) | Bee | Comcast | Green Party (UK) | Lily Savage | Microsoft PowerPoint | Warranty | Unicode | Hillsdale College | Frank Miller | United Kingdom general election, 2015 | Sault Ste. Marie


More recent articles | Most wanted outlaws | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Great American heroes

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


America's staunchest allies

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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 31,185 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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Protected by the Declaration of Independence and an elite clan of Minutemen. God bless America!

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