Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (revert crazy Canadian holiday or whatever it was)
(happy 4th :))
Line 4: Line 4:
 
|-
 
|-
 
|style="width:280px;text-align:center;white-space:nowrap;color:#000" |
 
|style="width:280px;text-align:center;white-space:nowrap;color:#000" |
<h1 style="font-size:162%;border:none;margin: 0;padding:.1em;color:#000">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]],</h1>
+
<h1 style="font-size:162%;border:none;margin: 0;padding:.1em;color:#000">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia Americana]],</h1>
<div style="top:+0.2em;font-size: 95%">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</div>
+
<div style="top:+0.2em;font-size: 95%">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|all good, loyal Americans can edit]].</div>
<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%;text-align:center;font-size:85%;">[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles in English</div>
+
<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%;text-align:center;font-size:85%;">[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles in American</div>
 
|-
 
|-
 
|}<!-- ----------Portals Follow---------------------------- -->
 
|}<!-- ----------Portals Follow---------------------------- -->
|style="width:11%;font-size:95%" class="nounderlinelink"|
+
|style="width:15%;font-size:90%" class="nounderlinelink"|
*[[:Category:Politics and Government|Politics]]
+
*[[:Category:Politics and Government|Capitol Hill]]
*[[:Category:Games|Games]]
+
*[[:Category:Games|War Games]]
*[[:Category:Computers and Technology|Computers]]
+
*[[:Category:Computers and Technology|Silicon Valley]]
|style="width:11%;font-size:95%" class="nounderlinelink"|
+
|style="width:15%;font-size:90%" class="nounderlinelink"|
*[[:Category:People|People]]
+
*[[:Category:People|Great Americans]]
*[[:Category:Quaint|Quaint]]
+
*[[:Category:Quaint|Walk softly]]
*[[:Category:Coherent|Coherent]]
+
*[[:Category:Coherent|Carry a big stick]]
|style="width:11%;font-size:95%" class="nounderlinelink"|
+
|style="width:15%;font-size:90%" class="nounderlinelink"|
*[[:Category:Science|Science]]
+
*[[:Category:Science|US Patents]]
*[[:Category:History|History]]
+
*[[:Category:History|US History]]
*'''[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|All]]'''
+
*'''[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|All America]]'''
 
|}
 
|}
   
 
<!-- -------End Portals----- -->
 
<!-- -------End Portals----- -->
 
{|style="width:100%; background-color: transparent; margin-top:-.8em; margin-bottom:-.7em"
 
{|style="width:100%; background-color: transparent; margin-top:-.8em; margin-bottom:-.7em"
|style="font-size:95%; white-space: nowrap; text-align:left"|
+
|style="font-size:85%; white-space: nowrap; text-align:left"|
[[Beginner's Guide]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|The Big Five]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Style]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Questions]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|Help]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Donations|Donations]]
+
[[Beginner's Guide|Constitution]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|Declaration of Independence]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Liberty Bell]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Bill of Rights]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|NATO]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Donations|Support the US war effort]]
|style="font-size:95%; padding-top:10px; padding-bottom:10px; white-space: nowrap; margin:0px; text-align:right"|
+
|style="font-size:85%; padding-top:10px; padding-bottom:10px; white-space: nowrap; margin:0px; text-align:right"|
[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Categories]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Featured content]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|A&ndash;Z index]]
+
[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|50 States]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|American Idols]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|Red, White &amp; Blue]]
 
|}
 
|}
   
 
<!-- ---------- END OF HEADER SECTION / BEGINNING OF MAIN TABLE AND LEFT-COLUMN ------------------ -->
 
<!-- ---------- END OF HEADER SECTION / BEGINNING OF MAIN TABLE AND LEFT-COLUMN ------------------ -->
 
{| style="border-spacing:8px;margin:0px -8px"
 
{| style="border-spacing:8px;margin:0px -8px"
|width="55%" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #cef2e0; background-color:#f2fff9; vertical-align:top;"|
+
|width="55%" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #4040ff; background-color:#f2fff9; vertical-align:top;"|
 
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f2fff9;"
 
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f2fff9;"
! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#cef2e0;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> Today's featured article</h2>
+
! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#4040ff;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"> USA Today's Front Page Story</h2>
 
|-
 
|-
 
|{{Featuredarticle}}
 
|{{Featuredarticle}}
Line 42: Line 42:
 
</div>
 
</div>
 
|-
 
|-
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#cef2e0;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Did you know...</h2>
+
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#4040ff;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Did y'all know...</h2>
 
|-
 
|-
 
|{{DYK}}{{DidYouKnow}}
 
|{{DYK}}{{DidYouKnow}}
Line 53: Line 53:
 
|}
 
|}
 
<!-- -------------------- START OF RIGHT-COLUMN ---------------------------------- -->
 
<!-- -------------------- START OF RIGHT-COLUMN ---------------------------------- -->
|width="45%" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #cedff2; background-color:#f2f8ff; vertical-align:top;"|
+
|width="45%" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #ff4040; background-color:#fff2f2; vertical-align:top;"|
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f2f8ff;"
+
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#fff0f0;"
<!--! style="background-color:#cedff2; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size:120%; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left" | Word of the Day
+
<!--! style="background-color:#f2cedf; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size:120%; border:1px solid #bfa3b0; text-align:left" |Noah Webster's word of the day
 
|-
 
|-
 
|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[{{wotd/{{CURRENTMONTH}}}}]]</span><br />''Try to use it in conversation.<br>Knowledge is power.''</center>
 
|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[{{wotd/{{CURRENTMONTH}}}}]]</span><br />''Try to use it in conversation.<br>Knowledge is power.''</center>
 
|--->
 
|--->
! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">In the news</h2>
+
! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#ff4040;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #bfa3b0;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Dispatches from the Voice of America</h2>
 
|-
 
|-
 
| {{RecentUnNews}}
 
| {{RecentUnNews}}
  +
<br clear="all">
  +
[[Image:Flag of USA.gif|thumb|America, the beautiful]]
  +
<br clear="all">
 
<div style="text-align: right;" class="noprint">
 
<div style="text-align: right;" class="noprint">
'''[[UnNews:Main Page|UnNews]]''' &ndash; '''[http://www.freewebs.com/uncyclopediacast/ Radio Free Lunch]'''<br>
+
'''[[UnNews:Main Page|Voice of America]]''' &ndash; '''[http://www.freewebs.com/uncyclopediacast/ Radio Free Lunch]'''<br>
 
</div>
 
</div>
 
|-
 
|-
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">On this day...</h2>
+
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#ff4040;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #bfa3b0;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">On this day in America...</h2>
 
|-
 
|-
 
| {{Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}}}
 
| {{Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}}}
Line 75: Line 78:
 
|}
 
|}
 
|- <!-- -------------------- START OF FEATURED PICTURE TD ------------------------------ -->
 
|- <!-- -------------------- START OF FEATURED PICTURE TD ------------------------------ -->
|width="100%" colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #ddcef2; background-color:#f8f2ff; vertical-align:top;"|
+
|width="100%" colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #ff4040; background-color:#fff2f2; vertical-align:top;"|
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f8f2ff;"
+
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#fff8f2;"
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#ddcef2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Today's featured picture</h2>
+
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#ff4040;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #ff4040;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">George Eastman's featured picture</h2>
 
|-
 
|-
 
|{{FI}}
 
|{{FI}}
Line 83: Line 86:
 
|}
 
|}
 
|- <!-- -------------------- Start of Recent Articles ------------------------------ -->
 
|- <!-- -------------------- Start of Recent Articles ------------------------------ -->
|width="100%" colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #ffc9c9; background-color:#fff3f3; vertical-align:top;"|
+
|width="100%" colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #ff4040; background-color:#fff2f2; vertical-align:top;"|
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#fff3f3;"
+
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#fff8f2;"
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#F2CECE;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"><div class="plainlinks" style="float:right;margin-left:5px;margin-right:10px">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> Recent Articles</h2>
+
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#ff4040;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #ff4040;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"><div class="plainlinks" style="float:right;margin-left:5px;margin-right:10px">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> Fair and balanced</h2>
 
|-
 
|-
 
|{{Recent}}
 
|{{Recent}}
   
 
'''[[Special:Newpages|More recent articles]]''' |
 
'''[[Special:Newpages|More recent articles]]''' |
'''[[Special:Wantedpages|Most wanted pages]]''' |
+
'''[[Special:Wantedpages|Most wanted outlaws]]''' |
 
'''[[:Category:Rewrite|Requested rewrites]]''' |
 
'''[[:Category:Rewrite|Requested rewrites]]''' |
 
'''[[:Category:Stub|Add to stubs]]''' |
 
'''[[:Category:Stub|Add to stubs]]''' |
Line 99: Line 102:
 
|}
 
|}
 
|- <!-- -------------------- Start of Awards ------------------------------ -->
 
|- <!-- -------------------- Start of Awards ------------------------------ -->
|width="100%" colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #c9c9c9; background-color:#FFFFF2; vertical-align:top;"|
+
|width="100%" colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #ff4040; background-color:#FFF2F2; vertical-align:top;"|
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#FFFFF2;"
+
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#FFF2F2;"
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#F2F2CE;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Writer and Noob of the Month</h2>
+
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#ff4040;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #ff4040;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Great American heroes</h2>
 
|-
 
|-
 
|{{MonthlyAwards}}
 
|{{MonthlyAwards}}
Line 107: Line 110:
 
|-
 
|-
 
|}
 
|}
|}
+
|- <!-- -------------------- Uncyclomedia Foundation ------------------------------ -->
  +
|width="100%" colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #ff4040; background-color:#FFF2F2; vertical-align:top;"|
  +
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#FFF2F2;"
  +
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#ff4040;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #ff4040;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">America's staunchest allies</h2>
  +
|-
 
{{Sisterprojects/languages}}
 
{{Sisterprojects/languages}}
+
|}
Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Fair Use Clause]], and an elite clan of [[Clinja]]s.
+
Protected by the [[Help:Fair Use|Declaration of Independence]] and an elite clan of [[Clinja|Minutemen]]. [[God]] bless [[America]]!
 
[[Category: Uncyclopedia]]
 
[[Category: Uncyclopedia]]

Revision as of 04:00, July 4, 2006

Welcome to Uncyclopedia Americana,

30,752 articles in American

Constitution · Declaration of Independence · Liberty Bell · Bill of Rights · NATO · Support the US war effort

50 States · American Idols · Red, White & Blue

USA Today's Front Page Story

Today's Featured Article - Muslim Sisterhood

Muslim Sisterhood Flag

The Chamber of Muslim Sisters, usually referred to as the Muslim Sisterhood is the female division of the group ISIS. The primary objective of the Sisterhood is to make everything that it comes into contact with halal and then redistribute it to the Western World. However, it also serves to provide places of refuge from American drones. The Sisterhood was inspired on 6 June 2006 when several ISIS members named Mohamed simultaneously found their children all wearing burqas; as such, they could not tell apart their sons and their daughters. Together, they exclaimed "Praise Allah the true One! For if we men wear burqas instead of balaclavas, then NATO and Americans won't strike us anymore!" Since then, more than 300 Sisterhood chambers have been erected throughout Iraq and Syria, with the entry requirement of wearing a burqa. As such, none have ever been the target of Western forces, which is much safer than any of the United Nations operated 'schools' along the Gaza Strip. However, rather than sitting around and doing nothing, the people inside the chambers are hard at work halalifying things all day, devoting their hours to the cause of Islam.

The main activity conducted by the Sisterhood is the rectification of media deemed not suitable under Islamic standards. These processes are conducted in chambers whose structures are best described as being like the human digestive system; the materials to be tested enter the front of the building, then pass through 1.6 km of rigorous examination and editing by members of the Sisterhood, and are finally expelled from the rear as 'certified halal' (more...)

Recently featured: Samsung - Solar flares

Yesterday's Featured Article - Samsung

Samsungrange

Samsung is a Korean manufacturer of smartphones, phablets[2] and tablets, that people are compelled to buy once every six months, without fail. Otherwise they will stare down the gauntlet of ridicule and social ruin for having a portable device with a gigantic screen that can disappointingly only be read from the Moon, compared to the new model, which has an even more gigantic screen that can be read from the outer planets and further.

The modern corporation is a secretive family-owned conglomerate and, like all secretive family-owned conglomerates famed for their work on the big screen, it also has interests in the chemicals and shipping industries to complement its manufacturing credentials. Curiously, Samsung is yet to put a finger in the bolt-cutter and Robert DeNiro industries, though.

Samsung is also one of the world's most prolific innovators in the IT sphere, and the leading employer of engineers and scientists with degrees on "big", PhDs on "shiny" and Nobel Prizes for "screen". They've pioneered such innovations as the touch screen, the integration of the Android OS, and a new generation of semiconductor that makes hair and fingernails fall out. However the R&D team has never quite mastered the most profitable addition to an electronic product; the Apple logo.. (more...)

Did y'all know...

*...that there is no other word for thesaurus?
  • ...that there is no other word for thesaurus?

Dispatches from the Voice of America

Downtown cold.jpg





Flag of USA

America, the beautiful


On this day in America...

Alan Beanie Baby

November 27: Alan Bean celebration day (the 4th man on the moon)

  • 1000000 BC - Food invented.
  • 999999 BC - The first feast to celebrate food is held.
  • 999999 BC - First indigestion victim recorded. More soon to follow.
  • 999999 BC- Oscar Wilde invents fat people
  • 999998 BC - First recorded case of Anorexia.
  • 999998 BC - The second feast to celebrate food is held.
  • 999997 BC - The third feast ends in tragedy due to a lack of food. It is decided that all other feasts will be with babies
  • 999996 BC - Babies are eaten for the fourth feast
  • 999980 BC - Thus ends the civilization of the baby eaters
  • 1009 BC - First recorded case of anime-character-fangirlism.
  • 1095 - Pope Urban II launches the First Crusade, thus starting the Indiana Jones film franchise.
  • 1895 - Alfred Nobel fails to win the Nobel Prize, in spite of the fact that it's named after him. The following year however, he does go on to win the lesser-known Alfred Prize.
  • 2012 - The civilization of the baby eaters rises from the dead and eats all babies.
  • 2012 - Babies go extinct.
  • 2015 - Mutant babies are spawned and go on a revenge killing spree, millions dead in days for "Making up for Lost Time"

George Eastman's featured picture

Godpissed

God is pissed.

Image Credit: Tripod2282
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Fair and balanced

Nirvana | Gensokyo | Sonichu | CHU | Star Trek: Enterprise | Rough Gay Wolf Sex (rw) | Darth Vader (rw) | Samsung | Meco Monardo | Independent film | Jeb Bush (rw) | William F. Buckley | Sens. Warren/Ayotte/Brown/McConnell | Greggs (rw) | Space Shuttle Challenger (rw) | Solar flares | Maurice Ravel | Dudley | Availability | UnDebate:Should women rap? | Banh Shop | Worst bumper stickers | Firesheep | Lava lamp | Ebola | Brick (rw) | Chess


More recent articles | Most wanted outlaws | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Great American heroes

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You now only have 3, goddamnit 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

America's staunchest allies

Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.
UnNews Logo Potato (No text) UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary Logo Text Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes2 UnTunes
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Game-Logo notext Games
Another way to waste time
Gorillatrans HowTo
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
Unbooks-logo notext UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable-logo-en vector notext Unquotable
Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity-logo-notext Uncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetialogo UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Undebate logo UnDebate
Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
UnReviewsLogo UnReviews
We'll tell you why things suck
Uncyclomedia Commons notext UnCommons
Broken media repository


Uncyclopedia Languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 30,752 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext
Uncyclopedia
English
United Kingdom
W17x11 30557
Desciclopédia
Português
Brazil
45286
アンサイクロペディア
日本語
Japan
18180
Nonsensopedia
Polski
Poland
W17x11 16666
Nonciclopedia
Italiano
Italy
W17x11 13518
Wiki it
1dÉ
Désencyclopédie
Français
France
W17x11 8364
Inciclopedia
Español
Spain
W17x11 10392
偽基百科
正體中文
Taiwan
5720
Uncyclopedia.de
Deutsch
Germany
W17x11 Unknown
Hikipedia
Suomi
Finland
7614
Hikipedia
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on September 3, 2014.

Protected by the Declaration of Independence and an elite clan of Minutemen. God bless America!

Personal tools
projects