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font-size: 125%; line-height: 1.3">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia]], the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Help:HowTo|anyone can edit]].</p><br><p style="margin:0 0 0 3%;text-align:center;font-size:94%">[[Sophia]] has inspired us to work on [[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles since opening in January 2005.</p>
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''Before editing, please read the [[Help:HowTo|writing guidelines]] and [[Flamewar Guidelines|flamewar manual]].<br>''
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'''Welcome to the Swiss [[Uncyclopedia]]''', the [[neutral]] encyclopedia that [[Help:HowTo|anyone can edit]] but only if they have sufficient funds.
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<p style="margin:0 0 0 3%;text-align:center;font-size:94%">[[Sophia]] has opened [[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] numbered bank accounts since opening in January 2005.<br>
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''Before editing, please read the [[Help:HowTo|War Profit Investment guidelines]] and [[Flamewar Guidelines|neutrality manual]].''</p>
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<p style="font-variant: small-caps; text-align:center; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom:.2em; font-size: 80%;">[[:Category:Sex|Sex]] | [[:Category:Games|War]] | [[:Category:Computers and Technology|Bank Vault Technology]] | [[:Category:People|Reservists]] | [[:Category:Quaint|Female Emancipation]] | [[:Category:Coherent|4 Offical Languages]] <br> [[Special:Popularpages|Most Wealthy]] | [[Special:Allpages|Numerical Index]] | [[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Not Money, Choclate or Cucckoo Clocks...]]</p>
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</td><td>[[Image:Swiss army knife open 20050612.jpg|thumb|280px|Respect my Neutralitah!]]</td></tr>
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<td>[[Image:Latte Art Nike.jpg|thumb|280px|I'm Rich Bitch!]]</td></tr>
   
<h5>Browse: <p style="font-variant: small-caps; text-align:center; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom:.2em; font-size: 105%;">[[:Category:Politics and Government|Politics]] | [[:Category:Games|Games]] | [[:Category:Computers and Technology|Computers]] | [[:Category:People|People]] | [[:Category:Quaint|Quaint]] | [[:Category:Coherent|Coherent]] <br> [[Special:Popularpages|Most Popular]] | [[Special:Allpages|Alphabetical Index]] | [[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Other Categories...]]</p> </h5>
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* Bienvenue à [[fr:|l'Uncyclopédia suisse]], l'encyclopédie tout-à-fait neutre et fait complètement de fromage que n'importe qui peut redacter s'ils ont des fonds suffisants. [[Sophia]] a établi [[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] comptes bancaires numérotés en suisse depuis l'ouverture en janvier 2005. Avant l'édition, lisez SVP les [[Help:HowTo|directives d'investissement, de bénéfice de guerre]] et le [[Flamewar Guidelines|manuel de neutralité]]!
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* Willkommen an [[de:|Uncyclopedia Schweizer]], sorgt die neutrale Enzyklopädie dafür gänzlich von Käse, daß jeder veröffentlichen kann, wenn sie ausreichende Fonds haben. [[Sophia]] hat [[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] Bankkonten eröffnet, die seit der Öffnung im Januar 2005 numeriert wurden. Vor der Ausgabe lesen die Richtlinien der [[Help:HowTo|Investition von Kriegsgewinn]] und das [[Flamewar Guidelines|Neutralitätshandbuch]]!
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* Benvenuto al [[it:|Uncyclopedia svizzero]], l'enciclopedia neutra che chiunque può pubblicare ma soltanto se hanno fondi monetari suffient. [[Sophia]] ha aperto [[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] clienti numerati della banca dall'apertura nel mese di gennaio del 2005. Prima della pubblicazione, legga prego la guida di riferimento di [[Help:HowTo|investimento di profitto di guerra]] ed il [[Flamewar Guidelines|manuale di neutralità]].
   
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You can [[Uncyclopedia:VFH|vote]] for your favorite articles to be featured.
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You can [[Uncyclopedia:VFH|vote]] (even Women!) for your favorite articles to be featured.
   
 
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Revision as of 23:42, July 31, 2005

 
   

Welcome to the Swiss Uncyclopedia, the neutral encyclopedia that anyone can edit but only if they have sufficient funds.

   
 

Sophia has opened 30,554 numbered bank accounts since opening in January 2005.
Before editing, please read the War Profit Investment guidelines and neutrality manual.

 
   

Sex | War | Bank Vault Technology | Reservists | Female Emancipation | 4 Offical Languages
Most Wealthy | Numerical Index | Not Money, Choclate or Cucckoo Clocks...

   
 
Swiss army knife open 20050612
Respect my Neutralitah!
Latte Art Nike
I'm Rich Bitch!
  • Willkommen an, sorgt die neutrale Enzyklopädie dafür gänzlich von Käse, daß jeder veröffentlichen kann, wenn sie ausreichende Fonds haben. Sophia hat 30,554 Bankkonten eröffnet, die seit der Öffnung im Januar 2005 numeriert wurden. Vor der Ausgabe lesen die Richtlinien der Investition von Kriegsgewinn und das Neutralitätshandbuch!
  • Benvenuto al, l'enciclopedia neutra che chiunque può pubblicare ma soltanto se hanno fondi monetari suffient. Sophia ha aperto 30,554 clienti numerati della banca dall'apertura nel mese di gennaio del 2005. Prima della pubblicazione, legga prego la guida di riferimento di investimento di profitto di guerra ed il manuale di neutralità.

Today's Featured Account

Today's Featured Article - Accountant

Ties

An accountant is a professional who sits in an office all day doing a few sums. Most college students aspire to be accountants, as playing on a computer is cool, though it would be cooler if they paid you to use World of Warcraft instead of Excel. College students with physical gifts do not aspire to be accountants, and may wind up hiring a couple. If being boring were an Olympic sport, accountants would always take home the gold.

Webster tells us that an accountant "understands the cost of everything and the value of nothing." It is not clear why we should give such credence to Webster, apart from the fact that he has eight accountants working for him: Webster has to go stronger to the hoop and learn to box out his man. At any rate, it is not true that accountants understand the value of nothing. For example, they intimately understand the value of having the total at the bottom of the left-hand column equal the total at the bottom of the right-hand column, just as line employees at McDonald's understand the value of putting the hamburger in the Styrofoam box before handing it to the customer. To mix metaphors, it is their bread and butter. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Making up Oscar Wilde quotes

Chaiselongue

Hello! My name is Lord Waltherington Spatula. You might have heard of me from either the news coverage of the tragic tram accident that lost me my arms, or the crown court trial where I was declared mentally incompetent after crashing a tram.

I see you're interested in Making up Oscar Wilde Quotes. I was like you once, so very long ago. If you wish to learn as I did then there is only one way. Step forward, my lovely assistant, Oscar.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best

He's such a card. Yes that's right, it turns out rumours of Oscar's death were greatly overstated as he's here, with me, in this booth, behind these curtains where you couldn't possibly see him. So, Oscar, why don't you tell everyone what they will need to get started?

Be warned in time, James, and remain, as I do, incomprehensible: to be great is to be misunderstood (more...)

You can vote (even Women!) for your favorite articles to be featured.

More of the best of Uncyclopedia


Selected anniversaries

Missstalin

April 16: Stationary Banana Slug Riding Day

  • 1560 BC - Moses forgets to take his schizophrenia pills and begins to hear voices. He takes off from Ur, resulting in all of modern humanity's problems.
  • 1178 BC - Odysseus, legendary King of Ithaca, returns to his kingdom after the Trojan War. Cornellians giggle uncontrollably.
  • 1855 - Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln enjoy a night of mad passionate love; sloppy seconds are had after Mr. Lincoln keeps his promise that the South Shall Rise Again!
  • 1867 - Queen Victoria considers ending her mourning phase, but continues on: "Why spoil a good time?"
  • 1878 - Joseph Stalin is born.
  • 1889 - Future German dictator, Charles Spencer Chaplin, is born.
  • 1927 - A good day to be born if you are the leader of a world religion with the maddest gaze in human history.
  • 1934 - Eleanor Roosevelt uncharacteristically enjoys a hotdog.
  • 1943 - The first "Annual Miss Stalin-Look-Alike" contest is held in the Soviet Union. Joseph Stalin wins unanimously.
  • 1953 - Desi Arnaz slaps Lucille Ball, calling her an 'estupit beach' on national television.
  • 1972 - At the age of 69, actress Sharon Stone gets a star on the Walk of Fame.
  • 1991 - US federal law passed forbidding driving while spreading cream cheese on a bagel.
  • 2006 - The Queen of England decrees that all Australians must wear cork underpants.
  • 2007 - Donald Trump pardons the 2007 "Annual Miss Stalin-Look-Alike" contest winner for her objectable behavior.

Archived Anniversaries

Things happening in the rest of the world, which didn't make us a profit.





More Things to Avoid Getting Involved With


Obviously you didn't know...

From Uncyclopedia's Heads of States:


If you care about the rest of the world...

Writer of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners



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