Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
On a lurgid bee.
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me
With crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
See if I don't!
1789 - French citizens storm the Bastille, a large prison, and free seven prisoners who were wrongly incarcerated after being accused of that most heinous of crimes in France: being English.
1798 - The Sedition Act becomes United States law, making it a federal crime to write, publish, or utter false or malicious statements about the U.S. government. The Uncyclopedia farm is raided, and several prized bovine are tipped over.
1969 - The United States removes all large bills from circulation, much to the dismay of the legendary Salmon P. Chase (the face of the $10,000 bill) and his adoring fans.
1974 - It's Christmas, Folks, and Just Look at the Mess We've Made by John Lennon reached number one on the charts.
1982 - Matteo Mossini is born. And in 2010 he'll be one of the most annoying person in the known world. Happy birthday, Mox.
2000 - A powerful solar flare, later named the Bastille Day Event, causes a geomagnetic storm on Earth. The French immediately surrender to the sun and agree to a two-year occupation of Paris, much to the chagrin of French sunblock and parasol manufacturers.
A well-known British hitchiker, Braydie Dent has hitched over a dozen stellar systems. His most known phrases consist of: What? and Tea please!. On his spare time he enjoys insanity, cricket, and that famous game that those British enjoy so much...what was it? Oh! Self loathing. Yes.
This months Towel is the infamous TowelHax. He has captured a unique perspective of the Galaxy's events with his travels across the milky way. Sass that froopy towel. He knows where his towel he is.