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<h1 style="font-size:162%;border:none;margin: 0;padding:.1em;color:#000">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia Americana]],</h1>
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<h1 style="font-size:162%;border:none;margin: 0;padding:.1em;color:#000">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]],</h1>
<div style="top:+0.2em;font-size: 95%">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|all good, loyal Americans can edit]].</div>
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<div style="top:+0.2em;font-size: 95%">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</div>
<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%;text-align:center;font-size:85%;">[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles in American</div>
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*[[:Category:Computers and Technology|Silicon Valley]]
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*[[:Category:History|US History]]
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*'''[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|All America]]'''
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[[Beginner's Guide|Constitution]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|Declaration of Independence]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Liberty Bell]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Bill of Rights]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|NATO]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Donations|Support the US war effort]]
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[[Beginner's Guide]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|The Big Five]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Style]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Questions]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|Help]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Donations|Donations]]
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[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|50 States]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|American Idols]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|Red, White &amp; Blue]]
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[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Categories]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Featured content]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|A&ndash;Z index]]
 
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#cef2e0;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Did you know...</h2>
 
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<!--! style="background-color:#f2cedf; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size:120%; border:1px solid #bfa3b0; text-align:left" |Noah Webster's word of the day
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|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[{{wotd/{{CURRENTMONTH}}}}]]</span><br />''Try to use it in conversation.<br>Knowledge is power.''</center>
 
|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[{{wotd/{{CURRENTMONTH}}}}]]</span><br />''Try to use it in conversation.<br>Knowledge is power.''</center>
 
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#ff4040;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #bfa3b0;text-align:left;color:#ffffff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Dispatches from the Voice of America</h2>
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">In the news</h2>
 
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[[Image:Flag of USA.gif|thumb|America, the beautiful]]
 
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'''[[UnNews:Main Page|Voice of America]]''' &ndash; '''[http://www.freewebs.com/uncyclopediacast/ Radio Free Lunch]'''<br>
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'''[[UnNews:Main Page|UnNews]]''' &ndash; '''[http://www.freewebs.com/uncyclopediacast/ Radio Free Lunch]'''<br>
 
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#F2CECE;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"><div class="plainlinks" style="float:right;margin-left:5px;margin-right:10px">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> Recent Articles</h2>
 
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Protected by the [[Help:Fair Use|Declaration of Independence]] and an elite clan of [[Clinja|Minutemen]]. [[God]] bless [[America]]!
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Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Fair Use Clause]], and an elite clan of [[Clinja]]s.
 
[[Category: Uncyclopedia]]
 
[[Category: Uncyclopedia]]

Revision as of 06:29, July 5, 2006

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,

the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
30,655 articles in English

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Today's featured article

Today's Featured Article - Gravity (film)

Kerbal

Gravity is a 2013 science-fiction blockbuster starring Special Effects and Space Debris, with cameos from Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. It quickly became one of the top grossing movies in history, with a combined take of only $100 million less than timeless classics like Ice Age: Continental Drift and Fast & Furious 6.

In a world where global space agencies are run by incompetent nitwits and all objects lie in virtually the same orbit, NASA has taken the Space Shuttle out of retirement and is repairing the Hubble Space Telescope a second time. Generically named astronauts Ryan Stone (Bullock) and Matt Kowalski (Clooney) are joined on the mission by several other bit characters whose names neither the director nor the audience care about. Stone is a criminally incompetent PTSD case who cheated her way through astronaut training with appeals to pity over the "freak playground accident" of her daughter. Kowalski, the mission commander, is a graduate of Upper New York Pickup College and has a self-published book available on Lulu.com, Bang Space: How To Pick Up Chicks In Low-Earth Orbit.

With no warning during the mission, Russia decides that space is overrated and creates a deadly debris field that will render space inaccessible for centuries and which flies on a newly invented "half the orbital period as low earth orbit" trajectory, pummeling everything in its way every 90 minutes. The remainder of the shuttle crew are killed, forcing Kowalski to switch his pickup strategy from Negging to White Knight as he gives her instructions on how to reach the international space station, how to use a wrench, and how to tie her shoes. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - UnBooks Biography:The guy who invented soap

Mud-2S

Paos, a prehistoric Clovis culture American warrior who lived large on the land and reigned over so many women that they could not be counted, invented soap - which is Paos spelled backwards. Men called him their friend, and went to hunt with him, and baked the bread as only a man chef can bake it. Paos The Great, his story we tell.

"Bend me into a pretzel, do it now Paos," said Bridgette'a, one of his uncounted women, and a few minutes later Paos listened to her moans and watched as she trembled, shook, and then screamed out "Now wash me, Paos. Wash me!"

Paos didn't know what she talking about. Wash her? What did that even mean? "Go to sleep Bridgette'a, now is not the time," Paos said, hoping that this would be enough to get him out of whatever he was in. But it wasn't.

"Wash me, Paos, please, wash me," Bridgette'a said as she slithered under him, rubbing something on his leg. It was some kind of stick. She wanted him to rub a stick all over her, to knock the dirt and rotting leaves off. "I've gotten into a hell of a jam here," Paos said to himself, using the Clovis culture's ancient word for hell - tlayōhuatizannō pive za. He took the stick from her mud covered hands and started to knock earth and vegetable matter from her limbs.

While running the rough bark over her ("You're washing me, Pao, you're washing me!") Paos noticed that some of the stuff had ants in it. Other lumps, those of clay and pebbles, were too solid to have any insect life. In those areas he had to use his fingers to extract embedded pieces of fruit. He had come here for the horseplay, got that over with, and now he was stuck in something very weird. He felt like one of those bronzed idiots down at the beach. (more...)

Did you know...

*...that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
  • ...that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
  • ...that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
  • ...that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
  • ...that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?

In the news

JayNixon01.jpg



On this day...

Elvis lives

August 20: International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day

  • 800 A.C. - Oscar Wilde founds Uncyclopedia by creating articles with random titles, all redirecting to Elvis.
  • 1804 - Lewis and Clark go on their famed Raping Expedition. The name causes controversy until it's discovered to be an innocent expedition to sell rapeseed to the Inuits and then have nonconsensual sex with their daughters.
  • 1977 - Elvis takes a killer shit.
  • 1991 - Fewer than infinity people rally outside the Soviet Union's parliament building protesting the placement of Elvis' portraits throughout Mikhail Gorbachev's Uncyclopedia article.
  • 1998 - The Empire strikes back, bombing Uncyclopedia with random pictures of nude Elvis, in retaliation to Elvis bombing the Empire's embassy on Earth on August 7 protesting against deleting his Uncyclopedia article by an admin who claimed the Elvis article to be a "non-notable vanity page by an anonymous Force spirit".
  • 2000 - Monkeys on strike against corrupt banana companies. Elvis calls out to fans for a total banana boycott.
  • 2002 - U.S. marines find traces of peanut butter-banana sandwiches and methamphetamines in a cave near Kabul along with a written note: "Osama has left the building".
  • 2005 - Numerous Uncyclopedia articles vandalized to denote a random sighting of the King in the article.
  • 2006 - Numerous UnNews articles vandalized by replacement with a story about Afghan police being bombed, apparently in an attempt at a badly-overstretched joke based on previous two sightings.
  • 2011 - You die.
  • 2013 - Someone thinks they see you shaking your hips while wearing blue suede shoes, but it turns out to be Elvis.
  • 2015 - Elvis announces his intent to run for president of the US stating that he will only communicate from an undisclosed location via electronic voice transmissions.
  • 2050 - Someone thinks they see Elvis, but realizes that he's probably dead by now.

Today's featured picture

Pontius pilot

The Pontius Pilot is infamous for some functionality issues. One typical complaint is that the Microsoft Crucifixion program often crucified incorrect and important data, such as the Messiah. Thankfully for its users, the file would miraculously reappear two days later after descending to the Recycle Bin, not three as some mathematically illiterate biblical scholars would tell you.

Image Credit: Savethemooses
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

Battle of Bosworth | The 100 | Twelve Tables | Jam session | New Jersey | Keynesianism (rw) | George R. R. Martin | Wat Tyler | Father Ted | Andorra | Town meeting | Mylène Farmer | Eclipse (rw) | Fringe | Millard Fillmore | Garter | Jared Leto (rw) | Counties of England | Bosnia and Herzegovina | Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe | Boko Haram (repl) | Khmer Rouge | Sexual physics | Cruel and unusual punishment | Gravity (film) | Benzene | Glory hole | Tucson | Olfaction | ROBLOX | Donner Pass | South Carolina Highway Patrol


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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