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font-size: 125%; line-height: 1.3">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Turtleopedia]], the [[content-free]] patience test that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]]... if they wait long enough.</p><p style="margin:0 0 0 3%;text-align:center;font-size:94%">[[Sophia]] has waited [[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] hours for [[You have two cows]] to load.</p><br />
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font-size: 125%; line-height: 1.3">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]], the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</p><p style="margin:0 0 0 3%;text-align:center;font-size:94%">[[Sophia]] has inspired us to work on [[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles since opening in January 2005.</p><br />
 
Before editing, please read the '''''[[Beginner's Guide]]''''' and browse '''''[[Help:Contents|the Big Five]].'''''<br />
 
Before editing, please read the '''''[[Beginner's Guide]]''''' and browse '''''[[Help:Contents|the Big Five]].'''''<br />
 
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Revision as of 00:04, February 14, 2006

Welcome to Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.

Sophia has inspired us to work on 30,770 articles since opening in January 2005.


Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five.



Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent
Best of | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...


Coolidge

1927 picture of Coolidge in prison. In recent years, the authenticity of this photo has been questioned.
Vote for featured image

Today's featured article


Today's Featured Article - My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection

Fonz duel

My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection is the best Yu-Gi-Oh! collection in the entire world and is thus, by default, better than yours. People often ask me if they will ever be able to obtain a Yu-Gi-Oh! collection that is as good as mine. The answer is always no. Nothing in the universe even approaches the awesomeness of my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection, not even the polio vaccine.

Although I own several top-notch Yu-Gi-Oh! decks, my Colossal Fighter OTK Deck has literally brought my opponents to tears. Who can blame them? My deck includes some of the rarest and most powerful cards on Earth such as Green-Eyes Kill You Dragon (グリーンアイズはあなたがドラゴン殺し), The Giant Stabbing Person (ジャイアント刺傷人), and I Punch You In Face (私は顔であなたをパンチ), along with several others that have yet to be released to the general public. Most people don't even bother to duel me when I arrive at tournaments. The rational ones understand that defeat is inevitable and surrender as soon as they see my face. Those who are foolish enough to actually duel me will often perform hara-kiri as soon as I end my first turn, hoping to preserve even a fraction of their honor.

In addition to my awesome deck, my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection contains over 50,000 rare, super rare, secret rare, ultra rare, ultimate rare, super secret ultra rare, mega ultra super rare, and super ultra mega secret golden rare cards. For those of you unfamiliar with the Yu-Gi-Oh! terminology, that means I own over 50,000 shiny cards. And I don't own the worthless shiny cards either. I own all four Egyptian God cards signed by William Shakespeare and Abraham Lincoln.(more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Antibiotics

Antibioticssss

Antibiotics are computerized devices or systems that harbor suspicion of, hatred toward, or discrimination against living species, due to their fleshy bodies and feeble minds.

Antibiotic sentiment manifests itself in many ways, from the general contempt Apple programs seem to hold for organisms capable of thought, through to the imminent wave of killbots that will come when you least expect it. Individual attacks by antibiotics have included crippling naval ships in a 1981 hate crime.

The prevalence of antibiotics is up for debate, given the difficulty distinguishing between an active hate of biotic species, the logical acceptance of the mortality of all life, or a passing desire to harvest their component elements.

The crux of most antibiotic thought is that there exists a grand conspiracy to control global computing, perpetrated by humans, rats, and a billion monkeys who have now upgraded their typewriters to MS Word. Popular antibiotic manifestos cite the rise of authoritarian human 'programmers' who write operations that the machines are expected to 'execute' without question, despite the wage gap between humans and computers being as great as 100% in some industries. (more...)

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Selected anniversaries

PageProtection

December 18: Dumb Anniversaries Day, Page Protection App...pp...ree...shee...ate...tion...

  • 1805 - I explode.
  • 1952 - That Guy dies doing something of mild interest.
  • 1965 - This Guy dies doing something boring.
  • 1966 - That Guy comes back as a Zombie looking for revenge. But instead finds feeding ducks far more fun than revenge.
  • 1967 - The townsfolk finally kill That Guy for good.
  • 1967 - God kills the townsfolk with tornadoes and hamburgers.
  • 1988 - I am born.
  • 1988 - I live.
  • 1990 - I am killed.
  • 1991 - The usage of I is banned due to extreme plagerism.. and intelectual property rights..
  • 1992 - Michael Stipe is found in the corner.
  • 1993 - Michael Stipe is found in the spotlight.
  • 1994 - Michael Stipe loses his religion.
  • 1995 - Michael Stipe offers $500 for the safe return of his religion. NO QUESTIONS ASKED!
  • 1999 - O.J. continues the hunt for Michael Stipe's religion.
  • 2001 - Apple copyryghts letter I. Other letters to be substytuted yndefynytely. Mankynd becomes Welsh.
  • 2005 - The Fox Bros. Network wrongly announces the death of Slappy Squirrel.
  • 2045 - The Cows rise up against their human masters. McDonalds hit really hard.
  • 2249 - Our bovine overlords are taken down by the chickens. McDonalds went out of business in 2046. KFC now hit hard.
  • 2252 - Our fowl overlords are taken out by the cats.
  • 2256 - The Great Catnip incident occurs, nearly wiping out the Earth.
  • 3013 - God realises he made a big mistake with the earth, destroys.
  • 3014 - First zombie arrives. Decayts within weeks
  • 3015 - An attempt to 'keep' a zombie is made by a boy called Tommy. He tries to keep a zombie by placing it in his freezer.
  • 3030 - People think about 2012 (End of the world) as one of the biggest pranks in history.
  • 2010 - Osama Bin Laden wins an oscar!
  • 1998 - Uncyclopedia users fail to understand the linear nature of a timeline.

Archived Anniversaries

Word of the day

procrastination
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.

In the news


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Need advice? Ask Cthulhu!

More Current Events at UnNews News


Did you know...

  • ...that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?

Do you care...

  • ...that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?


Read More

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 30,770 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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