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Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
30,275 articles in English

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Today's Featured Article - Question Authority

QuestionAuthority

The Question Authority is an agency of the United States government, organized within the federal Department of Utterances. The Question Authority has general responsibility for all questions asked and answered in the United States, including its territories and possessions. Notably, when customs agents of the Department of Homeland Security interrogate persons wishing to enter the U.S., they do so through questions vetted by the Question Authority.

The Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution protects Americans "against unreasonable searches and seizures." It would seem, then, that the government would need a "reasonable" basis to ask anyone any question at all. Well, Buster, "it would seem" wrong! There is ample precedent for the government to ask a wide variety of questions, including:

  • Have you bought health insurance that pays the full cost of smoking cessation counseling?
  • Are you the nigger who robbed the gas station, or do you just look like him?
  • May I rummage through the trunk of your car, or do you feel like waiting here for three hours for me to get a warrant?
  • What was that noise? Did you hear that?

(more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Probability theory

Die with the same sides

Probability theory was developed by Gerolamo Cardano, Pierre de Fermat and Blaise Pascal. In this research team, there was no cooperation at all, because they all lived at different times and were too lazy to invent the time machine. So the development of this theory lasted for centuries and is (probably) not yet finished. Cardano et al. were all committed into mental hospitals late in their lives. What are the odds against that? It is not clear whether they were actually mentally disoriented, or merely seemed to be, because of answering simple yes-and-no questions by speculating about "the chances."

The reason for this theory — as mathematicians do things only on purpose — is unknown to humanity. But some think that these scientists had had enough of answering the questions exactly and decided that with the theory of probability it would be a way easier. But when they were told that they were not doing their job properly, to complicate the situation more, these mathematicians developed some incomprehensible formulas to prove the opposite.

The theory of probability should be used in several cases:

  • When you don't want to give a direct answer to a question
  • When you don't have an answer to a question but want to make people think that you do
  • When you want to complicate everything you have said and make everyone confused

People who very often use the theory of probability are called politicians. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Next Year's Australian Grand Prix, featured on 18 May 2012. See the featured version.
UnNews:Humans evolved from dinosaurs, featured on 18 May 2011. See the featured version.
HowTo:Be Enthusiastic Like Jack Black, featured on 18 May 2010. See the featured version.
Why?:Don't You Get a Job?, featured on 18 May 2009. See the featured version.
Ferdinand von Zeppelin, featured on 18 May 2008. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Knightsu
  • ...that the Black Knight always triumphs? (pictured)
  • ...that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
    • ...and that every person considers it at least once a month?
  • ...that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
  • ...that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
  • ...there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
  • ...that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
  • ...that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

Plenty




UnNews – Radio Free Lunch

On this day...

Meaty

May 18: Eat Your Meat Day (India)

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

Photoshopped burning wind turbine

Wind turbines emitting harmless, zero-carbon steam as part of their normal operating process.

Image Credit: Lantash
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

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Recent Articles

Declaration of Gin-Dependence | President Hoover | UnDebate:Is it the size of the ship or the motion in the ocean? | HowTo:Decorate your cunt for Easter | UnBooks:The Second Conquest of the Moon | Will Harridge | Wellington (RW) | Poptropica | UnDebate:Is "Point-Counterpoint" a useful style of debate? | HowTo:Teach a six-legged lame man how to jump rope | UnScripts:Tony Hancock: The Sperm Donor | Nillion | Great Library of Alexandria |


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.

Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!

BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!


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