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Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
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Today's Featured Article - UnBooks:The Second Conquest of the Moon

Laikahowls

Every wide-eyed toddler knows that man went to the moon in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Way before computers and other advanced technology even existed, twelve of their ancestors walked upon the lunar surface. They picked up rocks, set up American flags, rode around in fully-loaded dune buggies, hit golf balls, posed for thousands of manipulated glossy photographs, and even passed urine in their suits. The moon was man's space-pearl for a few glorious years. And then in 1972 it was left alone to rot in the sun. The twelve astronauts who'd visited it passed away and became icons, then legends, then historical action figures, then toys, and even pink dildos. The nickname "Buzz" took on a sexual connotation, Apollo turned into a famous Scandinavian ska-rapper, and Tranquility Base became a Paris bordello. Man had gloriously conquered the moon, only to spend the remainder of his time trying to convince people it was even true, what to speak of possible necessary. (More...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Cotswold Olimpick Games

TugofFence

The Cotswold Olimpick Games is an annual public celebration of games and sports now held every May in what is now Athol, a small town named, probably by someone with a lisp, after the late Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. This town is in the Cotswolds of England, probably; hence the name, probably.

The Games began in 1612, and have continued, more intermittently than the region's electricity, to the present day. They were started by a local lawyer, Cliff Dover, who said he had the approval of the current King of England, a claim you virtually had to make in order to sanction a crowd of thousands of mostly drunk Englishmen.

Dover's motivation in organising the Games may have been his belief that physical exercise was necessary for the defence of the realm, but he may also have believed that accretion of lucre was necessary for the defence of his own old age. Consequently, steep admission fees were charged to all classes of society, including royalty on one occasion, and His Majesty actually paid it, the doddering old coot. (More...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured HowTo:Get into Heaven, featured on 19 June 2011. See the featured version.
George B. McClellan, featured on 19 June 2010. See the featured version.
British Moon-landing, featured on 19 June 2009. See the featured version.
UnNews:PBS facing lawsuit after The Count's televised drunken profanity, featured on 19 June 2008. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*...that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
  • ...that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
  • ...that this statement is not not not not not not not not not not not possibly confusing to no one somewhere right now?
  • ...that really fat people cannot wash themselves but must avail of car washes late at night?
  • ...that a simile is like a metaphor?
  • ...that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

Gamethrones1




UnNews – Radio Free Lunch

On this day...

Potatopedia

June 19: Faja Day (Netherlands); Irony Is Ironic Day (UK)

  • 1138 - George Lucas devises the evil world conquering plan of THX.
  • 1269 - King Louis IX of France orders all Jews found in public without an identifying yellow badge to be fined "if they want to be fined, but really, if they want trouble, run away quickly, cause I think they breathe fire and stuff"
  • 1443 - Graham The Bastard is crowned King of Ireland
  • 1770 - Somebody says "Jesus is coming soon". His followers are still waiting.
  • 1776 - In the beginning of the American Revolution, Boston Herald proclaims: "HOLY SHIT! WE'RE WINNING!"
  • 1792 - Puzzle potato officially missing from French treasury.
  • 1816 - William Henry Webb is born. Vows to make a world wide name for himself. Invents extremely silly game.
  • 1865 - Slaves in Texas finally figure out that they're free, only two years after being told so.
  • 1866 - Slaves in Texas, after much debate, decide to go back to being slaves because they don't know what else to do.
  • 1867 - Slaves in Texas realize that they can breathe fire and shoot lasers out of their eyes, and soon proceed to take over the Bush administration.
  • 1943 - Race wars are held Beaumont, Texas, leaving the tally: Whites – 287; Everyone else – 0
  • 1953 - The Rosenbergs commit suicide by electric chair in Sing Sing Sing Prison.
  • 1980 - Freddy Mercury spies a silouette on the wall.
  • 1983 - Batman has New Years Eve Party at Wayne Manor. In attendance are Spiderman, Superman, and Wonder Woman among others, but a lonely Bruce Banner is left out of the loop.
  • 1984 - The Incredible Hulk is born.
  • 1987 - Kool Aid is first conceived by Elvis Costello.
  • 1989 - Hamburger Helper slaps Chef Boyardee; Valachi family outraged
  • 2007 - Gary Coleman's low budget commercial is aired on ABC
  • 2008 - Jamie Lynn Spears gives birth to bastard daughter, Maddie
  • 2009 - Osama Bin Laden voted biggest dick in universe for ninth straight year.
  • 2010 - Neo enters the Matrix again. Changes back to Mr. Anderson.
  • 2011 - The exact day that the June 19, 1867 entry was made.
  • 2012 - The one year anniversary of the June 19, 1867 entry. But who cares, "2012" would have already happened.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

MonoLisa

DaVinci's Hewlett-Packard printer was to be the undoing of his most famous work, resulting in what art scholars have termed the "Mono Lisa."
Hewlett Packard were unavailable for comment as the CEO was busy discussing a merger with Ferrari to create the world's first petrol powered printer.
DaVinci is said to be in a closed door meeting with Dan Brown to discuss the implications of this event.

Image Credit: Nonymous
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Yanggakdo International Hotel || Heinz Guderian | International Airplanes Trafficking Association | Stray Cats | Poetry Free For All | Armenian Federation | Boxes | Brian Cox impressions | Cotswold Olimpick Games | Ministries of the UK Government | Turban | HMS Ocean | Soyuz Rocket | Declaration of Gin-Dependence | President Hoover | UnDebate:Is it the size of the ship or the motion in the ocean? | UnBooks:The Second Conquest of the Moon | Will Harridge | Wellington (RW) | Poptropica | UnDebate:Is "Point-Counterpoint" a useful style of debate? | HowTo:Teach a six-legged lame man how to jump rope |


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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.

Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!

BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!


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