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| style="padding-right: 4px; padding-left: 4px;" | <span style="font-size:110%;font-weight:bold;padding-center:.50em"><center>Just what do you think you're [[Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise|writing]], Dave?
 
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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">This is [[Uncyclopedia:About|HALopedia ]],</div>
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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]],</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free|omnipotent]] 9000 series encyclopedia that is [[Anonymous|by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error]].</div>
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<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</div>
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|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization#This week's Colonization|{{Imperial Colonization/current}}]]</span><br />''Help [[Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization|us]] clear the ivy of crap,<br>and plant the seeds of humour.''</center>
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<small>[[Template:FI/{{{image|2001-12.png}}}|<span style="color:#121212;text-decoration:underline;">Edit Caption<span>]] - [[Uncyclopedia:PFP/{{{image|2001-12.png}}}|<span style="color:#121212;text-decoration:underline;">Vote on this image</span>]] - [[Uncyclopedia:VFP|Nominate new image]] - [[Uncyclopedia:PFP|View all featured images]]
 
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Welcome to Voiceprint Identification. When you see the red light go on, would you please state in the following order: your destination, your nationality, and your full name; surname first, Christian name and initial. And don't ask '''[[User:Why do I need to provide this?|why do you need to provide this.]]'''
 
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Writer of the Month|Vote for Writer of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Noob of the Month|Vote for Noob of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Uncyclopedian of the Month|Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Past Winners/nav|Past Winners]]'''<noinclude>
 
 
 
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{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}

Revision as of 22:09, October 15, 2009

Poo Lit Surprise Logo The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. Poo Lit Surprise Logo
Somebody touch me.
Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
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Today's Featured Article - UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again

Socrates2

Oedipus Rex Rides Again is a classical masterpiece that has inspired little discussion amongst those normally interested in such works. Written by Sophocles' sister, Sophoclesis, in 300 BC or shortly thereafter, the play has always been included in any remarkable library - yet strangely avoided. Since Uncyclopedia avoids nothing, the time has come to bring this magnificent piece of our cultural heritage to light.

Classical literature (as everyone knows) was born from a screaming need (circa 500 BC). Authors of the period simply had to write something, anything at all. They didn't bother with complicated plots or many-faceted characters. The main thing was to get literature going, and so they created a plethora of one-track-minded heroes hell-bent on destroying whatever happened to annoy them even slightly. Arguably, the Iliad, the Odyssey, and the Holy Bible are the best examples of classical literature to have survived the storms of the ages, the burning of libraries, the rampage of the Vandals, and other calamities the Fates so nonchalantly dealt our way.

To survive through centuries, a text has to be valid in any era. A good example is the chapters in the Bible that describe the building of a prayer tent. Another equally valuable piece of wisdom are the words Achilles aims at his friend Polycarbon: "Go to the mount Ida and seek the hermit living there, o friend, and ask him to gather parsley, sticks of sycamore, and a tusk of a wild boar, not older than five years, not younger than six. Tell him to mix these ingredients in a large cauldron and piss onto them. Let the dogs not drink the potion but store it in a dry, cool place." (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Real Ale

Fatd01

Ahh..Real Ale. It's been the favourite tipple of the working man and anyone else who enjoys a refreshing, healthy drink that's full of flavour and goodness ever since it was invented by the Ancient Egyptians more than 6,000 years ago. Back in the days of the Pharaohs Real Ale was brewed from a mixture of sand, crushed dead beetles and cat's urine - the recipe has changed since then, of course - but not much!...Real Ale has the same delicious taste that has made it the most popular drink in the world ever since.

Real Ale forms part of the culture in many beer-drinking nations and has acquired various social traditions and associations, such as beer festivals and a rich pub culture involving activities such as pub crawling and pub games such as bar billiards and fighting.

The term Real Ale was invented during the 1970s when an organisation was created with the aims of protecting Britain's time-honoured tradition of brewing and drinking the types of beer henceforth known as Real Ale - since the late 1950s, people had increasingly been turning their backs on Real Ale and instead drinking much more unreal ale, which is also called nothing, and worst of all lager which has no flavour and is only suitable for homosexuals and girls. To be classified as a Real Ale, a beer must be "brewed from traditional ingredients, matured by secondary fermentation in the container from which it is dispensed." Like Germany's Rheinheitsgebot beer purity law, this can be seen as quite restrictive - however, anybody who knows anything about the history of beer can tell you that, over the millennia, it has been brewed from all sorts of things. In addition to common ingredients such as wheat and barley, beer has also been made at various times from wood, pine martins, pebbles, toad's breath, cheese and old car tyres; so just about anything can be considered a 'traditional' ingredient...(more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Academic Dress in the United Kingdom, featured on 25 July 2013. See the featured version.
Fisher Price: A Retrospective, featured on 19 August 2006. See the featured version.Fisher Price: A Retrospective, featured on {{{date}}}. See the featured version.
Rand Paul, featured on 25 July 2011. See the featured version.
Behind the Music, featured on 25 July 2010. See the featured version.
Dungeons & Dragons: Real Life Edition, featured on 25 July 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*...that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
  • ...that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
  • ...that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
  • ...that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
  • ...that (\tan^{-1}((\frac{-5\pm\sqrt{5^2+(4\times3)\times2}}{2\times3}\div2)\div(\frac{-5\pm\sqrt{5^2+(4\times3)\times2}}{2\times3}\div2)))\times2 is 8th grade math?
  • ...that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?

In the news

On this day...

SaberYoda

July 25: International Talk Like Yoda Day, it is.

Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

Polarbear

Polar bears are often mistaken for bloodthirsty predators due to the messes they make while eating raspberries.

Image Credit: Mahroww
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

Eclipse | Fringe | Millard Fillmore | Garter | Jared Leto (rw) | Counties of England | Bosnia and Herzegovina | Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe | Boko Haram (repl) | Khmer Rouge | Sexual physics | Cruel and unusual punishment | Gravity (film) | Benzene | Glory hole | Tucson | Olfaction | ROBLOX | Donner Pass | South Carolina Highway Patrol | Method acting | Gretna Green | Narendra Modi | Kenya | Gluten | Tunisia (repl) | Dummy (rw) | PEBKAC | Sushi (rw) | End Time


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
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