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| style="padding-right: 4px; padding-left: 4px;" | <span style="font-size:110%;font-weight:bold;padding-center:.50em"><center>Just what do you think you're [[Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise|writing]], Dave?
 
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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">This is [[Uncyclopedia:About|HALopedia ]],</div>
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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]],</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free|omnipotent]] 9000 series encyclopedia that is [[Anonymous|by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error]].</div>
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<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</div>
<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:85%;">[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] million processes per second</div>
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|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization#This week's Colonization|{{Imperial Colonization/current}}]]</span><br />''Help [[Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization|us]] clear the ivy of crap,<br>and plant the seeds of humour.''</center>
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[[Image:2001-4.png|centre|thumb|600px|<big>'''''[[2001: A Space Odyssey|DAH DAHHH!!!]]'''''</big>]]
 
 
 
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|style="vertical-align: top;"|<p>dun... ''dun...'' '''''dun...''''' ... <big>'''''DAH DAHHH!!!'''''</big></p>
 
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<small>[[Template:FI/{{{image|2001-12.png}}}|<span style="color:#121212;text-decoration:underline;">Edit Caption<span>]] - [[Uncyclopedia:PFP/{{{image|2001-12.png}}}|<span style="color:#121212;text-decoration:underline;">Vote on this image</span>]] - [[Uncyclopedia:VFP|Nominate new image]] - [[Uncyclopedia:PFP|View all featured images]]
 
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Welcome to Voiceprint Identification. When you see the red light go on, would you please state in the following order: your destination, your nationality, and your full name; surname first, Christian name and initial. And don't ask '''[[User:Why do I need to provide this?|why do you need to provide this.]]'''
 
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Writer of the Month|Vote for Writer of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Noob of the Month|Vote for Noob of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Uncyclopedian of the Month|Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Past Winners/nav|Past Winners]]'''<noinclude>
 
 
 
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Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|DUN DUN DUUUUNNN!!!]], and ultimate computing power.
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Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Fair Use Clause]], and an elite clan of [[Clinja]]s.
 
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{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}

Revision as of 22:09, October 15, 2009

Poo Lit Surprise Logo The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. Poo Lit Surprise Logo
Somebody touch me.
Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
30,833 articles in English

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Today's Featured Article - Constitution of the United States (actual text)

Sigs

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Section I. Any male constituent who has attained the Age of Twenty-One years shall vote for a nobleman of his choosing to represent him in the executive legislature. He shall freely cast his choice on a ballot in a designated voting bureau and deposit the ballot in a box. After all the constituents accomplished their duty of Citizenry, the box contents shall be dumped in the nearest river and the predetermined winner be announced to the People.

Section II. Any elected representative in the Land of the Free shall receive 10 slaves Free of charge, only shipping and handling to pay and shall be refunded if not satisfied before 30 days.(more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Power

Creation of the Sun and Moon face detail

Power . A word that is doubtless familiar to you and a concept you probably think you understand but yet, how much do we you really know about power?

Not much!

That's correct, bodiless, unexplained, yet helpful italicised text! We know next to nothing about power which, in its majesty is in all things, if you can comprehend such a concept. It could even be within you! You could have power right now and be unaware of the staggering implications of that fact.

I could have power?

Quite possibly, I can usually tell very quickly whether or not somebody has power. I have power and as a result I feel a certain kinship towards others with power.

I'd love to hear more about power!

Of course you would! (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Southport, featured on 29 January 2014. See the featured version.
Nutella, featured on 29 January 2013. See the featured version.
Great Australian tourist destinations, featured on 29 January 2012. See the featured version.
A Fine Frenzy, featured on 29 January 2011. See the featured version.
UnBooks:Diary of a Monkey Lover, featured on 29 January 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins?
  • ...that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
  • ...that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
  • ...that when it says 'Do not try at home', it actually means 'Do not try this at all'?
  • ...that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
  • ...that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?

In the news

On this day...

Pinkfloydthebarber

*whistles*

January 29: Echo Day Day.

Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

Kendoddstrangefruit(pale)

Official album sleeve of Ken Dodd's classic Strange Fruit LP from 1939 has been digitally coloured for the pleasure of one's optical jellies.

Image Credit: Sir Mac Boswell
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

Relationships (images) | Hydrocarbon | Supply-side Jesus | Randy Travis | Wind (rw) | Charlie Hebdo | Christchurch (Dorset) | Invasive species (rw) | Horace Greeley | The Jackson 5 | The Cosby Show | Ido | Galla Placidia | Barf (rw) | Nirvana | Gensokyo | CHU | Star Trek: Enterprise | Rough Gay Wolf Sex (rw) | Darth Vader (rw) | Samsung | Meco Monardo | Independent film | Jeb Bush (rw) | William F. Buckley | Sens. Warren/Ayotte/Brown/McConnell | Greggs (rw) | Space Shuttle Challenger (rw) | Solar flares | Maurice Ravel


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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Where noisy things can live and prosper
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Another way to waste time
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Instructions and guides for anything and everything
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Content-free books
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Useless misquotes galore
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If it makes sense, we don't want it
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Debating all the irrelevant issues
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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 30,833 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext
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W17x11 30557
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W17x11 16666
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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on September 3, 2014.

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Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
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