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| style="padding-right: 4px; padding-left: 4px;" | <span style="font-size:110%;font-weight:bold;padding-center:.50em"><center>Just what do you think you're [[Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise|writing]], Dave?
 
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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">This is [[Uncyclopedia:About|HALopedia ]],</div>
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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]],</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free|omnipotent]] 9000 series encyclopedia that is [[Anonymous|by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error]].</div>
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<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</div>
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|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization#This week's Colonization|{{Imperial Colonization/current}}]]</span><br />''Help [[Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization|us]] clear the ivy of crap,<br>and plant the seeds of humour.''</center>
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|style="vertical-align: top;"|<p>dun... ''dun...'' '''''dun...''''' ... <big>'''''DAH DAHHH!!!'''''</big></p>
 
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<small>[[Template:FI/{{{image|2001-12.png}}}|<span style="color:#121212;text-decoration:underline;">Edit Caption<span>]] - [[Uncyclopedia:PFP/{{{image|2001-12.png}}}|<span style="color:#121212;text-decoration:underline;">Vote on this image</span>]] - [[Uncyclopedia:VFP|Nominate new image]] - [[Uncyclopedia:PFP|View all featured images]]
 
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Welcome to Voiceprint Identification. When you see the red light go on, would you please state in the following order: your destination, your nationality, and your full name; surname first, Christian name and initial. And don't ask '''[[User:Why do I need to provide this?|why do you need to provide this.]]'''
 
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Writer of the Month|Vote for Writer of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Noob of the Month|Vote for Noob of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Uncyclopedian of the Month|Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Past Winners/nav|Past Winners]]'''<noinclude>
 
 
 
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Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|DUN DUN DUUUUNNN!!!]], and ultimate computing power.
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{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}

Revision as of 22:09, October 15, 2009

Poo Lit Surprise Logo The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions. Poo Lit Surprise Logo
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
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Today's Featured Article - George R. R. Martin

GameOfThroneFans01

George R. R. Martin (born September 20, 1948) is the bearded, retired Santa Claus look-a-like responsible for the BLT sized books A Game of Thrones, Feast of Crows and I Wrote This by Mashing up Everything That Came to Hand. Martin is now chuckling all the way to his bank. No relation to J.K.Rowling, J.R.Ewing or G.R.R.R.R.R (a grizzly bear when he discovers you inside a tent on his hunting land).

Martin comes across as the jolly bloated uncle you never had (or never wished to have). He could also be a garden gnome that managed to heft his bulk over a garden wall and is now running amok polluting the minds of the young and easily influenced with his turgid tomes. Considered to be by some as the 'American J.R.R Tolkien' or a gurning version of C.S. Lewis, Martin cleverly realised that the path to happiness and gold is to 'sex up' your stories and add a lot gore when the action heads into a plodding direction.

This is certainly the view of the HBO teleivision channel who gobbled up the rights to Martin's A Singalong of Fire and Ice series (unfinished) and are now currently shooting the series in Belfast in Northern Ireland. Since this was also the place where the RMS Titanic was launched, the producers may have hoped that if the show tanked or was sunk by an iceberg of audience indifference, no one would have noticed. Unluckily for us, though the pilot was thrown overboard for excess cheesy acting, a re-casting and re-boot has turned the TV series into a world wide hit. It has also given hope to other writers of half arsed fantasy literature another boost that their fluffy epics will be picked up and turned into pricey TV series. It is becoming all very 'Martinesque'. (more...)

Recently featured: George R. R. Martin - Jam session

Yesterday's Featured Article - Jam session

JellyRollMorton

The Jam session was created by the originator of Jazz Jelly Roll Morton as a means of disposing of the excess fruit growing on his summer ranch in California.

In the spring 1902 Jelly Roll roped in sidemen Ferdinand LeMothe and Artie Shaw to help him pick the strawberries and bananas growing at his ranch. With the fruit picked Jelly Roll called in two more of his sidemen, Sidney Bechet and up and coming trumpeter Gerry "Matt Groaning" Mulligan. Together the five friends compiled the fruit into jars of jam. The jam was an immediate success. The Blueberry Label quickly picked up on the Quintets jam and entered into a contract to commercially produce it. These original jam sessions dubbed: Jamming The Beet were number one on Sweden's National Jam Regatta Listings within a week. The original fame of these production sessions are considered by many Jazz condiment experts to be the origin of Jelly Roll Morton's name.

Some Jazztorians argue that the above account which comes directly from Jelly Roll himself is a load of "Jive" or alternatively a bag of "Gage" or the "Bees Elbows". Jelly Roll has been reporting as offering the following comments on these alligators.

“Them cats just ain't hep to the Jive, man, applesauce! Bunch of Jeffs, man.”
~ Jelly Roll Morton

However another common origin story is as follows. During the 1920's it became common for white jazz musicians to congregate in wine bars and vegan cafes after big band rehearsal sessions. As most cafes in the Barking Twenties hired regular rhythm sections, big band musicians instruments still in hand would often sit with house bands and try guess the right notes to various jazz standards. Due to the high difficulty of this act it was often referred to as "A bit of a pickle" the term jam sessions as reference to a fellow preservative may have developed from this. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Jaws (parallel universe version), featured on 17 September 2012. See the featured version.
UnNews:Faggot had personal problem with me, featured on 17 September 2011. See the featured version.
Brittany Hensel, featured on 17 September 2010. See the featured version.
The Rubens Diet, featured on 17 September 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

*...that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?

In the news

On this day...

Hornytoad

September 17: Horny Day, Hypnotic Sex Change Day

Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture

GTA-VC-cover

The cover of Grand Theft Auto: Vatican City, in stores soon.

Image Credit: RadicalX
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

Chess | Food (rw) | Please unblock me | My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection | Elizabeth Warren | Essex | Caliphate | Office etiquette (rw) | Barcelona | Antigonish, N.S. | Navelism | Cutter® (rw) | Rutherford B. Hayes | Netflix | Pink slime | Battle of Bosworth | The 100 | Twelve Tables | Jam session | New Jersey | Keynesianism (rw) | George R. R. Martin | Wat Tyler | Father Ted | Andorra | Town meeting | Mylène Farmer | Eclipse (rw) | Fringe | Millard Fillmore | Garter | Jared Leto (rw)

More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push | Great ideas

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
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