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(happy Talk Like A Pirate Day, mates)
m (arrr, no more pirates, mates)
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font-size: 125%; line-height: 1.3">Ahoy, me hearty and welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Pirateopedia]] (formally '''HMS Uncyclopedia'''), the [[content-free|duty-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|pirates can edit]] Arghh!</p><br><p style="margin:0 0 0 3%;text-align:center;font-size:94%">[[Sophia|Davey Jones]] has inspired us to sink and pillage [[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] ships since we set sail in January 2005.</p>
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font-size: 125%; line-height: 1.3">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]], the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</p><p style="margin:0 0 0 3%;text-align:center;font-size:94%">[[Sophia]] has inspired us to work on [[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles since opening in January 2005.</p><br>
''Before running out your guns, please read the [[Help:HowTo|ships charter]] and [[Flamewar Guidelines|the pirates code]] or you'll be [[Uncyclopedia:Ban Patrol|Walking the Plank]].<br>If you scurvy dogs still are still a bit confused then [[:Category:Ignorable policies|speak to polly]](sqwark, Pieces of Eight, Pieces of Eight)''
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Before editing, please read the '''''[[Beginner's Guide]]''''' and browse '''''[[Help:Contents|the Big Five]].'''''<br>
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<h5>Buried Treasure: <p style="font-variant: small-caps; text-align:center; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom:.2em; font-size: 105%;">[[:Category:Politics and Government|Bilge Rats]] | [[:Category:Games|Games]] | [[:Category:Computers and Technology|Marine Technology]] | [[:Category:People|Pirates]] | [[:Category:Quaint|Grog]] | [[:Category:Coherent|Coherent]] <br> [[Special:Popularpages|Most Succesful Pirates]] | [[Special:Allpages|LLoyds List's]] | [[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Other Ships...]]</p> </h5>
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<p style="font-variant: small-caps; text-align:center; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom:.2em; font-size: 105%;">[[:Category:Politics and Government|Politics]] | [[:Category:Games|Games]] | [[:Category:Computers and Technology|Computers]] | [[:Category:People|People]] | [[:Category:Quaint|Quaint]] | [[:Category:Coherent|Coherent]] <br> '''[[Special:Popularpages|Most Popular]] | [[Special:Allpages|Alphabetical Index]] | [[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Other Categories...]]'''</p>
   
 
<!--''[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Browse Uncyclopedia]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Browse by overview|Article overviews]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Quick index|Alphabetical index]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Category schemes|Other category schemes]]''--><br></div>
 
<!--''[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Browse Uncyclopedia]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Browse by overview|Article overviews]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Quick index|Alphabetical index]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Category schemes|Other category schemes]]''--><br></div>
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|width="55%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #ffc9c9; color: #000; background-color: #fff3f3"|<div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"> <h3>Today's Featured Pirate</h3>
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|width="55%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #ffc9c9; color: #000; background-color: #fff3f3"|<div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"> <h3>Today's Featured Article</h3>
 
{{Featuredarticle}}
 
{{Featuredarticle}}
   
You can [[Uncyclopedia:VFH|vote]] for your favorite Pirate to be avoid the handmans noose.
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You can [[Uncyclopedia:VFH|vote]] for your favorite articles to be featured.
   
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Best of | More of the best Pirates from the good ship Pirateopedia]]'''
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Best of | More of the best of Uncyclopedia]]'''
 
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<div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>What were we getting up too in past years, Arghhhh!</h3>
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<div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>Selected anniversaries</h3>
 
{{Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}}}
 
{{Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}}}
   
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}|Archived doings]]'''
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}|Archived Anniversaries]]'''
 
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|width="45%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c6c9ff; color: #000; background-color: #f0f0ff"|<div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recentnews|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>What be worrying the Land Lubbers</h3>
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|width="45%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c6c9ff; color: #000; background-color: #f0f0ff"|<div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recentnews|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>In the news</h3>
 
{{Recentnews}}
 
{{Recentnews}}
   
'''[[Uncyclopedia:UnNews|Pirate Times]]'''
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:UnNews|More Current Events at UnNews News]]'''
 
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<div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:DidYouKnow|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>Arghh, I'll wagger you didn't know that...</h3>
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<div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:DidYouKnow|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>Did you know...</h3>
''From Uncyclopedia's [[Special:Listadmins|roughest captains]]:
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''From Uncyclopedia's [[Special:Listadmins|biggest morons]]:
 
{{DidYouKnow}}
 
{{DidYouKnow}}
   
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| colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c9c9c9; color: #000; background-color: #f3fff3"| <div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>Recent press ganged crew</h3>
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| colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c9c9c9; color: #000; background-color: #f3fff3"| <div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>Recent articles</h3>
 
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'''[[Special:Newpages|More Recently press-ganged crew]]''' |
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'''[[Special:Newpages|More recent articles]]''' |
'''[[Special:Wantedpages|Most wanted pirates]]''' |
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'''[[Special:Wantedpages|Most wanted pages]]''' |
'''[[:Category:Rewrite|Requested Keel Haulings]]''' |
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'''[[:Category:Rewrite|Requested rewrites]]''' |
'''[[:Category:Stub|Add to stumps]]''' |
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'''[[:Category:Stub|Add to stubs]]''' |
'''[[Special:Lonelypages|Marooned with nowt but a pistol and one shot]]''' |
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'''[[Special:Lonelypages|Lonely pages]]''' |
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles|Help out the land-lubbers]]
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles|Try writing about...]]'''
   
 
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| colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c9c9c9; color: #000; background-color: #ffffdf"| <div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><h3>Pirate of the Month</h3>
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| colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c9c9c9; color: #000; background-color: #ffffdf"| <div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><h3>Writer and Noob of the Month</h3>
 
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{{Sisterprojects/languages}}
 
{{Sisterprojects/languages}}
   
{{donate|Pirateopedia}}
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{{donate|Uncyclopedia}}
   
For Pirate related chat, see [irc://irc.us.freenode.net/uncyclopedia #uncyclopedia @ FreeNode].
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For nonsense related chat, see [irc://irc.us.freenode.net/uncyclopedia #uncyclopedia @ FreeNode].
   
Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Law of the Sea]], and an elite crew of [[Clinja|Ghost Pirates]]s.
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Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Fair Use Clause]], and an elite clan of [[Clinja]]s.
 
[[Category: Uncyclopedia]]
 
[[Category: Uncyclopedia]]

Revision as of 16:28, September 20, 2005

Welcome to Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.

Sophia has inspired us to work on 30,626 articles since opening in January 2005.


Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five.

Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent
Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...


Catcher-rye-full

J.D. Salinger wrote a book about baseball or bread or something.
Vote for featured image

Today's Featured Article

Today's Featured Article - Scam letter

Money

A special letter from your friend. Dear <insert name here>. Forgive my indignation if this mesage comes to you as a surprise and may offend your personality for contacting you without your prior consent and writing through this channel.

I got this web page from the professional Journal when I was searching for a reliable foreigner who would assist me invest the fund which my husband left before her sudden death. After series of prayers/fasting, I was divinely directed to contact you among other names found in the Journal, I believe that God has a way of helping who is in a problem and nobody on earth was born without problem and every problem has a divine solution.

In a brief I am Mrs Jane Mupesa, wife to Ndoga Mupesa of Chiweshe ward in Muzarabani, Mashonaland Central province, who was allegedly killed in cold blood on 5th april 2001 in a ghastly plane crash on the Sagbama Express road by alleged Zanu PF militias and war veterans for supporting the (Mr Morgan Tsvangirai) Movement for Democratic Change, an opposition party to the tyranny Government of President Robert Mugabe.

Before my husband death as if he foresee what is going to happen to his life, he handed over to me all the documents of money he deposited with private security companies in Europe and Africa as personal effects in disguise ranging from $25.5 Million United States dollars. I have decided to leave my country due to threats on me and my family and seizure of all my husband property including my travelling documents by Mugabe government agents. (more...)

Recently featured: Scam letter

Yesterday's Featured Article - UnScripts:Oedipus Rex Rides Again

OedipusKing2

Oedipus Rex Rides Again is a classical masterpiece that has inspired little discussion amongst those normally interested in such works. Written by Sophocles' sister, Sophoclesis, in 300 BC or shortly thereafter, the play has always been included in any remarkable library - yet strangely avoided. Since Uncyclopedia avoids nothing, the time has come to bring this magnificent piece of our cultural heritage to light.

Classical literature (as everyone knows) was born from a screaming need (circa 500 BC). Authors of the period simply had to write something, anything at all. They didn't bother with complicated plots or many-faceted characters. The main thing was to get literature going, and so they created a plethora of one-track-minded heroes hell-bent on destroying whatever happened to annoy them even slightly. Arguably, the Iliad, the Odyssey, and the Holy Bible are the best examples of classical literature to have survived the storms of the ages, the burning of libraries, the rampage of the Vandals, and other calamities the Fates so nonchalantly dealt our way.

To survive through centuries, a text has to be valid in any era. A good example is the chapters in the Bible that describe the building of a prayer tent. Another equally valuable piece of wisdom are the words Achilles aims at his friend Polycarbon: "Go to the mount Ida and seek the hermit living there, o friend, and ask him to gather parsley, sticks of sycamore, and a tusk of a wild boar, not older than five years, not younger than six. Tell him to mix these ingredients in a large cauldron and piss onto them. Let the dogs not drink the potion but store it in a dry, cool place." (more...)

You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured.

More of the best of Uncyclopedia


Selected anniversaries

Baldrick series 3

August 1: Independence Day (Switzerland), Swiss Cheese Day (Everywhere Else)

  • 1844 - The FBI executes a sting operation intended to disrupt turnip trafficking, apprehending turnip kingpin Baldrick (pictured).
  • 1910 - Los Angeles suffers it first drive-by shooting from a car, a Ford Model T. However, the culprit is quickly apprehended by LAPD, who were chasing on foot.
  • 1919 - The people of Zimbabwe elect their first Lord High Bison.
  • 1923 - Calvin Klein proclaims himself Emperor of Cologne, Germania.
  • 1957 - Rod Serling is ticketed in the Middle Ground between Light and Shadow for driving Noon in a Twilight Zone.
  • 1979 - Australia's first kangaroo prime minister is elected. He later appoints marsupials to the judiciary, resulting in the establishment of kangaroo courts.
  • 1980 - Australia's first kangaroo prime minister is assassinated by a koala. Conspiracy theories quickly emerge as witnesses claim to have seen a surfer on the grassy knoll.
  • 2015 - 12:00pm France declares war on Switzerland as it's cheese industry takes a massive blow from swiss cheese sales. 1 hour 45 minutes later they surrender.

Archived Anniversaries

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.
UnNews Logo Potato (No text) UnNews
The news source on crack
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The content-free encyclopedia
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The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
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Where noisy things can live and prosper
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Another way to waste time
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Instructions and guides for anything and everything
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Content-free books
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Useless misquotes galore
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If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetialogo UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
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Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
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We'll tell you why things suck
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Broken media repository


Uncyclopedia Languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 30,626 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext
Uncyclopedia
English
United Kingdom
W17x11 30649
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Português
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16220
Nonsensopedia
Polski
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W17x11 20323
Nonciclopedia
Italiano
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W17x11 12328
Wiki it
1dÉ
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Français
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W17x11 7257
Inciclopedia
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W17x11 8775
偽基百科
正體中文
Taiwan
5328
Uncyclopedia.de
Deutsch
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Hikipedia
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Finland
6804
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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on August 12, 2011.
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