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Revision as of 23:51, July 31, 2005

 
   

Welcome to the Swiss Uncyclopedia, the neutral encyclopedia that anyone can edit but only if they have sufficient funds.

   
 

Sophia has opened 31,308 numbered bank accounts since opening in January 2005.
Before editing, please read the War Profit Investment guidelines and neutrality manual.

 
   

Sex | War | Bank Vault Technology | Reservists | Female Emancipation | 4 Offical Languages
Most Wealthy | Numerical Index | Not Money, Choclate or Cucckoo Clocks...

   
 
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Respect my Neutralitah!

Latte Art Nike

I'm Rich Bitch!

  • Willkommen an, sorgt die neutrale Enzyklopädie dafür gänzlich von Käse, daß jeder veröffentlichen kann, wenn sie ausreichende Fonds haben. Sophia hat 31,308 Bankkonten eröffnet, die seit der Öffnung im Januar 2005 numeriert wurden. Vor der Ausgabe lesen die Richtlinien der Investition von Kriegsgewinn und das Neutralitätshandbuch!
  • Benvenuto al, l'enciclopedia neutra che chiunque può pubblicare ma soltanto se hanno fondi monetari suffient. Sophia ha aperto 31,308 clienti numerati della banca dall'apertura nel mese di gennaio del 2005. Prima della pubblicazione, legga prego la guida di riferimento di investimento di profitto di guerra ed il manuale di neutralità.

Today's Featured Account

Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: Carly Fiorina

Yesterday's Featured Article - Carly Fiorina

Carly Fiorina

Carly Fiorina (born September 6, 1954) is an American corporate mogul, former candidate for U.S. Senate from California, and a Republican Party candidate for President in 2016.

The Fiorina campaign states that Fiorina is uniquely able to take on and defeat Hillary Clinton, as the two candidates would have two breasts apiece, compared to none for anyone else in the race from either major party. However, the much more popular Donald Trump states that Fiorina's face is "ridiculous" for a would-be U.S. President. "Just look at it."

According to a glossy campaign brochure which "has not been approved or coordinated with any candidate or candidate's committee," and is thus due all the deference as if the Koch Brothers had signed it themselves, Fiorina was born in 1954 in Austin, Texas to Madelon Montross Jueregens and Joseph Tyree Sneed III. This would mean that she began life with a different name, although this is hardly as remarkable for a woman as it was for President Les King or Baz Soetero. The former never had to run for election (outside Grand Rapids, Michigan) and the latter had the media in the palm of his cocaine-stained hand.

What's-her-name's mother was an artist (in the same way that this author is an author) and her father was an up-and-coming law school professor who took the family around the world. Fiorina attended five different high schools, including one in Ghana, but none in Kenya and never claimed to be from any of those places, even to goose sales of an autobiography. Ultimately she graduated from a mundane high school in Durham, North Carolina. (more...)

You can vote (even Women!) for your favorite articles to be featured.

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Selected anniversaries

February 10: International Bad Pun Day

  • 2-First recorded bitch slap
  • 1104 - Potato famine engulfs Ireland. Panhandling Leprechauns flood the cities because they're a little short
  • 1105 - Irish Potato Phantom claims responsibility for bitter harvest.
  • 1390 - Bread is invented. Everybody proposes a toast to the inventor of bread.
  • 1391 - Sliced Bread is invented. This is the greatest thing invented since bread itself.
  • 1392 - Toast is invented. Everybody proposes a bread to the inventor of toast.
  • 1890 - Oscar Wilde's new play "Pun" is first performed in London. Critics describe it as a "play on words".
  • 1950 - Future French actor Jean Reno is asked whether he wants to go to the toilet. "Oui, Oui" he replies.
  • 1951 - Avocado discovers the mol. Scientific community dismisses him when he claims that they are not, in fact, brown and fuzzy.
  • 1954 - Inventor of the handshake chokes while ingesting his own creation. Doctors attempted to finger force the patient but couldn't nail the problem in time. He died on the way to the hospital.
  • 1965 - Pele gets his balls kicked by a fellow team member. Fortunately, his club is able to replace them and allows him to continue training.
  • 1970 - Winnie the Pooh's son is born, Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo.
  • 1973 - Describing his spiritual journey into heavy metal, Jimmy Page admits that he was "led" into it.
  • 1975 - Colorado Christian Boarding School-boy Dick Face is insulted for the first time. I would not be his last.
  • 1977 - French President Mitterand explains at a press conference that he doesn't like too many eggs for breakfast as one egg is 'un oeuf'.
  • 1980 - Various case studies indicate you can put things in them and carry them by their handles.
  • 1981 - Bono and The Edge agree that they, too, like the Canadian Punk band "U".
  • 1985 - Das Boot, a German film about gender neutral enclosed footwear, is released.
  • 1996 - "Punny" added to the Oxford dictionary. Subsequent bonfire nearly engulfs America.
  • 1997 - During a fight with Evander Holyfield, Mike Tyson's British trainer exclaims "What's this 'ere?"
  • 1999 - The world's first cyborg can't fix himself because he is broke.
  • 2008 - The Tea Room of Mercy Hospital, Australia, has its grand opening with hair in its tea, since the Koala tea of Mercy is not strained.
  • 2017 - Walmart opens 1st store in Iraq. The only thing that was in its way before was that there was a target on every corner. Walmart stocks spike due to increase in Game department.
  • 2018 - Walmart bans sale of firearms at Iraqi stores based on public outcry due to increased violence in Kuwait.
  • 2019 - Walmart reinstates sales of firearms due to lost revenue.
  • 2031 - Juan Pablo Montoya is shot to death. Police believe the weapon to be a golf gun, because it made a hole in Juan.
  • 2067 - The Roman Catholic church is finally bereft of nuns. There were none left.
  • 2100 - Hugh Gass realises he has a huge ass.

Archived Anniversaries

Things happening in the rest of the world, which didn't make us a profit.

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Recent Second Front Pages: GreeceHillary!UK election


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If you care about the rest of the world...

Recent opened accounts

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Marco Rubio (pictured) | Slovakia | Nudibranch | Hera | George Mason U. | HowTo:Survive a terrorist attack | Pornography (rw) | Mesopotamia (rw) | Kilogram | Missing socks | The Communist Manifesto | Community | Teen Titans Go! | State of the Union address (rw) | Catching Fire | National Fascist Party (from Inciclopedia) | Chris Christie | HowTo:Dine at a fancy restaurant | Eragon | Swearing (rw) | Miranda warning | Sam Harris | Northumberland | Edmund Hillary | Theater pest | Mad Max: Fury Road | Carly Fiorina | Normal distribution | Slavs | Tax (rw)


More News which does not Concern Us


Most wanted bankers | Fix Accounting Mistakes | Make a Deposit | Lost Nazi Gold| Educate the World...

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Banker of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners



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