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Revision as of 23:51, July 31, 2005

 
   

Welcome to the Swiss Uncyclopedia, the neutral encyclopedia that anyone can edit but only if they have sufficient funds.

   
 

Sophia has opened 30,691 numbered bank accounts since opening in January 2005.
Before editing, please read the War Profit Investment guidelines and neutrality manual.

 
   

Sex | War | Bank Vault Technology | Reservists | Female Emancipation | 4 Offical Languages
Most Wealthy | Numerical Index | Not Money, Choclate or Cucckoo Clocks...

   
 
Swiss army knife open 20050612

Respect my Neutralitah!

Latte Art Nike

I'm Rich Bitch!

  • Willkommen an, sorgt die neutrale Enzyklopädie dafür gänzlich von Käse, daß jeder veröffentlichen kann, wenn sie ausreichende Fonds haben. Sophia hat 30,691 Bankkonten eröffnet, die seit der Öffnung im Januar 2005 numeriert wurden. Vor der Ausgabe lesen die Richtlinien der Investition von Kriegsgewinn und das Neutralitätshandbuch!
  • Benvenuto al, l'enciclopedia neutra che chiunque può pubblicare ma soltanto se hanno fondi monetari suffient. Sophia ha aperto 30,691 clienti numerati della banca dall'apertura nel mese di gennaio del 2005. Prima della pubblicazione, legga prego la guida di riferimento di investimento di profitto di guerra ed il manuale di neutralità.

Today's Featured Account

Today's Featured Article - BioShock

BioShock cover

BioShock is an award-winning, first-person shooter video game developed by Irrational and released by 2K Games in 2007. The game is set in the underwater city of Rapture in the 1960s. The player identifies with the protagonist, misunderstood perverted mass murderer ‘Jack’, a character based on the game's main developer, Ken Levine. It is widely regarded as one of the greatest games ever made due to its shocking content, adult themes and political satire, rivaling those sorts of shows that are only screened on HBO after the kids are meant to be in bed.

The game opens with the main protagonist Jack on the transatlantic red-eye flight to an unknown destination. A short clip shows Jack using an empty bag of Quavers in an odd way, followed by his plane crashing into the Atlantic Ocean, killing almost everyone.

Jack manages to survive the crash, and whilst swimming away from the flaming wreckage and bobbing decapitations, spots a darkened lighthouse standing inconspicuously in the middle of the ocean. Balls beginning to freeze, he quickly swims over to it and enters the front door to realise he’s inadvertently discovered the entrance to the hidden underwater city of Rapture. With no other plans in his diary for the day, he descends into Rapture and is immediately confronted with blabbering duo Andrew Ryan and Atlas The Sneaky Paddy. (more...)

Recently featured: BioShock - George R. R. Martin

Yesterday's Featured Article - George R. R. Martin

GameOfThroneFans01

George R. R. Martin (born September 20, 1948) is the bearded, retired Santa Claus look-a-like responsible for the BLT sized books A Game of Thrones, Feast of Crows and I Wrote This by Mashing up Everything That Came to Hand. Martin is now chuckling all the way to his bank. No relation to J.K.Rowling, J.R.Ewing or G.R.R.R.R.R (a grizzly bear when he discovers you inside a tent on his hunting land).

Martin comes across as the jolly bloated uncle you never had (or never wished to have). He could also be a garden gnome that managed to heft his bulk over a garden wall and is now running amok polluting the minds of the young and easily influenced with his turgid tomes. Considered to be by some as the 'American J.R.R Tolkien' or a gurning version of C.S. Lewis, Martin cleverly realised that the path to happiness and gold is to 'sex up' your stories and add a lot gore when the action heads into a plodding direction.

This is certainly the view of the HBO teleivision channel who gobbled up the rights to Martin's A Singalong of Fire and Ice series (unfinished) and are now currently shooting the series in Belfast in Northern Ireland. Since this was also the place where the RMS Titanic was launched, the producers may have hoped that if the show tanked or was sunk by an iceberg of audience indifference, no one would have noticed. Unluckily for us, though the pilot was thrown overboard for excess cheesy acting, a re-casting and re-boot has turned the TV series into a world wide hit. It has also given hope to other writers of half arsed fantasy literature another boost that their fluffy epics will be picked up and turned into pricey TV series. It is becoming all very 'Martinesque'. (more...)

You can vote (even Women!) for your favorite articles to be featured.

More of the best of Uncyclopedia


Selected anniversaries

Landlubber

September 20: Sexual Innuendo Day, Sophia's Birthday, International Talk Like A Landlubber Day

  • 20,000,000 BC Formation of the Amazon Rainforest, a warm, wet, lush, dripping virgin jungle.
  • 19,999,999 BC Amazon Rainforest loses it's virginity.
  • 30,000 BC Oonak of the Tribe of the Wolf tells Nooma of the People of the Lake that he's got a big, thick woody club back in his cave that he'd love to show her, inventing sexual innuendo.
  • 1187 - Saladin begins a seige on Jerusalem, hoping he can create a crevice in the walls and then forcefully insert his troops.
  • 1519 - Ferdinand Magellan sets sail from Sanlúcar de Barrameda on a long, hard, drawn out expedition to circumnavigate the globe, with about 270 seamen.
  • 1815 - First railroad tunnel finishes construction.
  • 1837 - Rugby is invented. It is a game played by burly men with odd-shaped balls.
  • 1920 - Strawberry ice cream invented. Strong sales are seen for this soft, wet, pink dessert.
  • 1930 - Workers struggle to erect the mighty tower of the Empire State Building.
  • 1934 - Sophia Loren born.
  • 1939 - Second World War declared. Churchill states in his first War-time speech: "We're going to be up against stiff opposition, and what we as a nation will experience in the coming months is going to be long and hard. "
  • 1940- First printing of "Biggles Goes Down".
  • 1940 - Allies get access to Japanese military intelligence after the Japanese "Purple" code is decrypted by Genevieve Grotjan, a cunning linguist.
  • 1941 - After two years of war, the British Royal Air Force choose between naming their planes "the spit-fire" or "the swallow-water."
  • 1942 - Werner Von Braun continues work perfecting the V-2 rocket. The V-2 is designed to burn ethanol and liquid oxygen, causing exhaust to spurt out of the nozzle, generating prolonged, forceful thrust.
  • 1957 - Popsicles, lollypops, bananas and cucumbers are invented.
  • 1960 - Oil mining in Alberta, Canada goes wrong, causing the rig to get stuck pumping farther and farther into the hole while the rich liquid spewed out.
  • 1965 - Wham-O's Superball is introduced and becomes a runaway hit, because people love to play with balls.
  • 1993 - Foundations laid for the Three Gorges Dam.
  • 2005 - Israel pulls out of Palestine.
  • 2006 - Work continues on the Tautona gold mine in South Africa. Extending three miles underground, this mine hold's the record for the world's longest shaft. Plans are being drawn up to plunge the shaft still deeper into the womb of the earth.
  • 2006 - President Bush's attempts to quell the violence in Iraq prove impotent, making his presidency look increasingly limp and flaccid. He insists this is the "first time this has happened to me".

Archived Anniversaries

Things happening in the rest of the world, which didn't make us a profit.


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Obviously you didn't know...

From Uncyclopedia's Heads of States:

  • ...that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?


If you care about the rest of the world...

Banker of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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