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Revision as of 16:38, June 8, 2005

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Lincoln laptop

President Abraham Lincoln reportedly typed the Emancipation Proclamation on his personal laptop.
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Recently featured: Chamber pot

Yesterday's Featured Article - Chamber pot

Chamberpot poem

A Chamber pot is a medium-sized bowl that receives human waste products for as long as their owner decides to keep them in his sight.

The chamber pot shows how something utterly ineffective can capture the world’s attention, and become a significant indicator of economic development, an important object of philosophical study, and an essential literary symbol. The invention of the chamber pot is an event of particular historical note.

Prior to it, for thousand years, during the dawn of humanity, man, mostly unbathed, unshaved and piss poor, ran around naked and passed waste wherever he passed. After a while, the entire Earth was humanity’s chamberpot. Still, it was not until there was enough youth, full of piss and vinegar and hence capable of pissing like racehorses, to alarm the greatest minds into inventing something that would, if not retain the human urge to leave an imprint on his surroundings, then at least make it seem like things, big and small, were under his control.

Humanity slowed down its pace, even if only for a while, invented the chamberpot and went on pissing around, as naked, unbathed and unshaved as previously. And when confronted with the child of its progress, full of God-knows-what and, all in all, not worth a fragrant fart, the man, scornful and po-faced, realized what he had gotten himself into, moved on and invented water-closets. The chamber pot tends to be noticed mainly when it is full, and is used mostly by children (who represent the dawn of humanity). Still, its invention marked the transition between the era when humans did not have a pot to piss in and the one when they did. (more...)

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Selected anniversaries

June 29: Make Crude Jokes About Genitals Day

Calvinhobbes
  • 1194 - Sverre is crowned King of Norway, beginning a long reign of Danish Kings with unpronounceable names.
  • 1542 - The comic strip Calvin and Hobbes debuts, lightheartedly poking fun at such contemporary topics as the Protestant Reformation. (Pictured)
  • 1884 - The Picture of Dorian Gray is released by Oscar Wilde, consisting largely of crude jokes about genitals.
  • 1965 - The auto accident starting the "Paul is dead" hoax occurs in England.
  • 1972 - The U.S. Supreme Court rules the death penalty could constitute 'cruel and unusual punishment', particularly the more outlandish methods of carrying out the sentence, such as Texas' legendary alligator tank.
  • 1985 - Your mom sees my wiener for the eightieth time. And likes it as much as she did the first time.
  • 1999 - Prince continues to party.
  • 2009 - Millions of Americans suffering from insomnia are miraculously cured when Jimmy Fallon receives his own late night talk show.

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Writer of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



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