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{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}

Latest revision as of 16:27, August 9, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
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Today's Featured Article - HowTo:Drive your car out of a lake

ScubaCar01

Parking your car in a lake is easy. Maybe you’ve left your car in neutral on a steep embankment next to a lake and gravity did the parking for you. You may have mistaken the lake for a rippling parking lot filled with cresting wave-like shopping carts. Or you parked your car in a ditch at the start of monsoon season and the lake sprang up around it. Regardless, the easy part is over. Now you face the more difficult challenge – getting the car back out of the lake. You could hire a tow truck to drive in after it, but that is a costly business. Similarly, a crane could be employed to retrieve your vehicle, provided it has ample bill length and unnatural avian strength. Or you could just drive your car out of the lake. Really, it’s the only rational choice.

To find your car, swim directly into the lake. If the car is floating it will be easy to spot, although some turtles may be mistaken for a floating car. If you find a turtle -- keep searching, as this is not your car but a reptilian imposter. If the car is sunken, the process for locating it is trickier. Sunken cars require scuba gear, a metal detector and, if the lake is dark, a strong flashlight. Now plumb the lake’s depths to locate your missing vehicle. If the metal detector or flashlight stop working, check the batteries.

Once you’ve found your car, you must get inside. If the car is floating, the act of getting inside may cause it to sink. This is a good thing, as you need the car to be at the bottom of the lake in order to drive it. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Tales of an Emo, featured on 13 February 2012. See the featured version.
Elephant, featured on 13 February 2011. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Enormous
  • ...that in the Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (pictured)
  • ...that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
  • ...that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
  • ...that censorship is a tactic practiced by oppressive governments who believe in upholding an arbitrary social standard for the so-called "good of the people" while simultaneously imposing their peremptory moral values on their unwilling populace by dictating what is and what is not necessary for them to experience?
  • ...that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
  • ...that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
  • ...that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?

In the news:

On this day...

February 13: Simple English for Republicans Day

Today's featured picture

MichaelSatanMonkeyDarwin

St. Michael the Archangel attempts to slay Charles Darwin to prevent him from revealing Michael's horrible secret. Darwin, belonging to the fitter of the species, survived.

Image Credit: Isra1337
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