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Latest revision as of 11:24, April 1, 2013

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
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Today's Featured Article - RAF Packington

A51 SQN

Royal Air Force Station Packington (RAF Packington) is a top secret military establishment in the English County of Staffordshire. It is home to the UK's stockpile of Weapons of Mass Distraction (WMDs). Packington is currently under the steely command of Group Captain Johnny "Nimrod" Hunter-Harrier DFC JPA QDJM. RAF Packington started off in 1826 as a pork-and-mustard factory run by local pink industrialist Jeremiah Gottmein-Himmel, who leased the site to the burgeoning Royal Scottish Air force (RSAF) who needed to establish a grass runway emergency landing strip (GREMLIN) for their aircraft returning from the disastrous First Porridge War against Kent. This saw the permanent loss of SRAF Branston, now Kent International Airport. Branston fell into disrepair and is now home to the Defence Fire and Risk Taking Organisation who regularly set fire to aeroplanes to scare the living daylights out of weary passengers on their final approach to KIA. This is an unfortunate acronym as it also abbreviates "Killed in action"

Gottmein-Himmel was an unpopular character and was notorious for hurling complex obscenities such as "puke up ya clunge" and "piss up a pole, fuck-stick," a habit that later became the basis of the character Timmy the Rude Kid in the 20th century comic Viz. Ill health befell him as a consequence of existing on a diet of Irn Bru, vodka and cider mixed in 5-litre plastic flagons and marketed as Kremlin Smash. He died alone in abject poverty, though his life is commemorated by the annual Pancake Races in Bore Street, Lichfield. One of Gottmein-Himmels final acts was to throw eggs and flour at the local magistrates court building, Griddle house. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Accountant

Adriana Lima 45

An accountant is a professional who sits in an office all day doing a few sums. Most college students aspire to be accountants, as playing on a computer is cool, though it would be cooler if they paid you to use World of Warcraft instead of Excel. College students with physical gifts do not aspire to be accountants, and may wind up hiring a couple. If being boring were an Olympic sport, accountants would always take home the gold.

Webster tells us that an accountant "understands the cost of everything and the value of nothing." It is not clear why we should give such credence to Webster, apart from the fact that he has eight accountants working for him: Webster has to go stronger to the hoop and learn to box out his man. At any rate, it is not true that accountants understand the value of nothing. For example, they intimately understand the value of having the total at the bottom of the left-hand column equal the total at the bottom of the right-hand column, just as line employees at McDonald's understand the value of putting the hamburger in the Styrofoam box before handing it to the customer. To mix metaphors, it is their bread and butter. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured UnScripts:Who built the moon, featured on 18 April 2012. See the featured version.
Pikeys - Our Friends, featured on 18 April 2011. See the featured version.
HowTo:Get Married, featured on 18 April 2010. See the featured version.
Andrei Tarkovsky, featured on 18 April 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Drowning
  • ...that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (pictured)
  • ...that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
  • ...that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ...that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
  • ...that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
  • ...that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
  • ...that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?

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Sparklers

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