Today's Featured Article - Food
Food is one of the most dangerous substances known to humankind. It is not only poisonous, but carcinogenic, so much so that it or one of its derivatives is found in the tumours of all cancer patients. Unfortunately, it is also notoriously hard to avoid and extremely addictive. Most patients eat it every day.
Conventional medicine has mostly failed to recognise this threat to public safety, going so far as to advocate its consumption. Alternative medicine, however, is well aware of the dangers of food, and alternative doctors never allow their patients to eat it. As food is everywhere, the difficulty of avoiding it discourages many from following through with alternative treatments, and they go back to conventional doctors who rely on old-fashioned cutting, burning and slashing.
Avoiding food sounds deceptively simple: just don't eat it. But it's not as easy as it sounds. Food is an integral part of most modern diets; indeed most of us eat nothing else. But having something to eat is vital to survival, so the food must be replaced by something else.
But what? It is possible to survive without eating food if one drinks water. If one wants to eliminate such deadly toxins completely, however, water must be avoided as well. All water is chock-full of its own collection of nasties, and if you drink water instead of eating food you will not be any better off. (more...)
My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection is the best Yu-Gi-Oh! collection in the entire world and is thus, by default, better than yours. People often ask me if they will ever be able to obtain a Yu-Gi-Oh! collection that is as good as mine. The answer is always no. Nothing in the universe even approaches the awesomeness of my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection, not even the polio vaccine.
Although I own several top-notch Yu-Gi-Oh! decks, my Colossal Fighter OTK Deck has literally brought my opponents to tears. Who can blame them? My deck includes some of the rarest and most powerful cards on Earth such as Green-Eyes Kill You Dragon (グリーンアイズはあなたがドラゴン殺し), The Giant Stabbing Person (ジャイアント刺傷人), and I Punch You In Face (私は顔であなたをパンチ), along with several others that have yet to be released to the general public. Most people don't even bother to duel me when I arrive at tournaments. The rational ones understand that defeat is inevitable and surrender as soon as they see my face. Those who are foolish enough to actually duel me will often perform hara-kiri as soon as I end my first turn, hoping to preserve even a fraction of their honor.
In addition to my awesome deck, my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection contains over 50,000 rare, super rare, secret rare, ultra rare, ultimate rare, super secret ultra rare, mega ultra super rare, and super ultra mega secret golden rare cards. For those of you unfamiliar with the Yu-Gi-Oh! terminology, that means I own over 50,000 shiny cards. And I don't own the worthless shiny cards either. I own all four Egyptian God cards signed by William Shakespeare and Abraham Lincoln.(more...)
Did you know...
- ...that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
In the news
On this day...
December 25: Democratic People's Republic of Korea Day (Worldwide) / Santa Claus's birthday / Chrismukhah / Decemberween / Wintereenmas
- 0 - Some Assholes decide to make a day to sell a bunch of shit.
- 0.5 - Our Saviour, Chuck Norris, is born.
- 1 - God tells some dudes (Via Angel) to go to some city and wait for a child. The dudes do this (Both named Adam and Eve) and give birth to Bob Geldoff. God becomes irate and destroys the universe.
- 3 - Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks God, creating Jesus
- 10 - Jesus grew up, and realised that he was the Messiah.
- 31 - The birth of Santa Claus.
- 1776 - George Washington crosses the Delaware to conduct a sneak attack on the British. The event is later immortalized in the first issue of Action Comics.
- 1776 - Tremendous backup on the Scudder Falls Bridge on I-95 going from Pennsylvania into New Jersey as George Washington's motorcade travels from last-minute gift-buying at the shopping malls of King of Prussia, near Valley Forge, to find a smoke-free restaurant in Trenton for their Christmas dinner.
- 1856 - 1856 invented for living purposes.
- 1902 - Santa decides to go on holiday to Amsterdam.
- 1902 - Santa, whilst high, dresses in green and goes to Finland. Sadly, the colour catches on.
- 1916 - Whilst strolling through France on a crisp Christmas morning, the Brits have a quick game of footie against the Germans. However, this quickly transforms into a friendly game of rough and tumble. Over a million were killed.
- 1967 - Earth forgets what day it is.
- 1985 - Hindus celebrate Christmas.
- 1993 - Jews around the world decide to go to the movies.
- 1994 - Atheist children receive gifts.
- 1996 - Christmas is cancelled to mark the death of Screech from Saved by the Bell.
- 2005 - George Bush officially renames Christmas as Bushmas to honour his war against grammar.
- 2006 - In Finland, Santa still depicted in green. Rest of the world still confused.
- 2008 - Santa is charged with kidnapping children and taking them to his grotto. He is soon released with the help of Michael Jackson's lawyers.
- 2009 - Christmas cancelled after Santa Claus files for bankruptcy.
- 2010 - Santa shoots redneck hick with his own gun in self-defence. He is arrested under the charges of trespassing, and sentenced to 5673 years of slave labour, after others complain about his trespassing.