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[[Beginner's Guide]] '''·''' [[Uncyclopedia:Five_pliers|The Big Five]] '''·''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Style]] '''·''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Questions]] '''·''' [[Help:Contents|Help]] '''·''' [[Uncyclopedia:Donations|Donations]]
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[[Beginner's Guide]] '''·''' [[Uncyclopedia:Five_pliers|The Big Five]] '''·''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Style]] '''·''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Questions]] '''·''' [[Help:Contents|Help]] '''·''' [[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Categories]] '''·''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Featured content]] '''·''' [[Special:Allpages|A–Z index]] '''·''' [[File:F_icon.svg|15px|link=https://www.facebook.com/pages/Uncyclopedia/1856295257929947?sk=timeline|The Uncyclopedia page on Facebook]]
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
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Today's Featured Article - Box-spring

Lost in bed

A box-spring (or divan in the UK, where they don't use such common vulgarities as box) is a type of bed base. These are generally designed to give the general approximation of comfort while in the store testing the bed, but are designed to cause discomfort from the moment of installation within a home.

The construction of these nominally entitled beds typically consist of a wooden frame, covered in dust mite friendly cloth, and containing what are referred to as bedsprings. These bedsprings are tested against several criterion, known colloquially as the "four c's". These are: (more...)

  • Clarity
  • Carat
  • Color (or colour in the UK, where extraneous vowels are the preferred norm).
  • Cut
  • Certificate

Most wire coils contain some inner flaws (or inclusions in the UK), that occur in the manufacturing process. Highly skilled manufacturers work on adding these in an extremely calculated manner. The purpose of these is to allow the bed to have an initial softness or "comfort" factor, but due to these inclusions the springs will quickly weaken, deform, snap, or generally just become completely screwed up. Hairline fractures hat occur laterally along the direction of the spring are highly sought (or "saught" in the UK), along with air bubbles in the spring itself.(more...)

Recently featured: Box-spring

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Why?:I'm not sorry I ate your Unicorn, featured on 29 August 2013. See the featured version.
Luxembourg (city), featured on 29 August 2012. See the featured version.
John Belushi, featured on 29 August 2011. See the featured version.
Take Your Son To Work Day, featured on 29 August 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Nariz
  • ...that I'm secretly looking for Nazi Gold right now? (pictured)
  • ...that a broken clock is correct twice a day?
  • ...that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
  • ...that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
  • ...that your birth certificate is an apology letter from condom factory?
  • ...that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
  • ...that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?

In the news:

On this day...

Baphomet

August 29: International Androgynous Goat-People Observance Day

  • 328,987 BC - at 4:02pm Goats Evolve from Dolphins.
  • 240v AC- Electricity became the new fad in tribes.
  • 33 AD - St. John of Patmos has a wet dream.
  • 1189 - Ban Kulin wrote The Charter of Kulin, which was later banned.
  • 1490-something - Chet Columbus lands in Ohio.
  • 1862 - Second Battle of Bull Run. This time, Bruce Willis is brought in as lead actor in an effort to stimulate box office sales.
  • 1924 - The cheeseburger is invented in Cheeseburg, California
  • 1927 - Helen Keller is born but doesn't even notice the difference.
  • 1942 - In response to World War II, ham is invented. Winston Churchill proclaims it "One small step for man, one giant leap for breakfast".
  • 1942 - Famed restaurant the Grease Hut opens it doors for the first time, collectivly clogging arteries across the nation.
  • 1956 - In a remote corner of Canada, nothing happens.
  • 1972 - Pringles, the first tessellating potato snack, are invented in Leicester by mathematician Dr Julius Pringle in order to save storage space in his tiny kitchen.
  • 1999 - The War of 1812 is fought by several confused historians. Albert Einstein is the special guest referee. Soundtrack available from Arista. Shown worldwide on Pay-Per-View. Presented by Snickers. "Hungry? Why Wait?"
  • 2005 - The Gulf Coast experiences light rainshowers and a moderate breeze.
  • 2006 - The Antichrist comes, wearing a miniskirt.
  • 2008 - The individual presumed to be The Antichrist was in fact the new Republican Party publicity director. Seems they dress in similar fashion.

Today's featured picture

Kendoddstrangefruit(pale)

Official album sleeve of Ken Dodd's classic Strange Fruit LP from 1939 has been digitally coloured for the pleasure of one's optical jellies.

Image Credit: Sir Mac Boswell
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

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