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{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}

Latest revision as of 16:27, August 9, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
31,308 articles in English

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Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: Carly Fiorina

Yesterday's Featured Article - Carly Fiorina

Carly Fiorina

Carly Fiorina (born September 6, 1954) is an American corporate mogul, former candidate for U.S. Senate from California, and a Republican Party candidate for President in 2016.

The Fiorina campaign states that Fiorina is uniquely able to take on and defeat Hillary Clinton, as the two candidates would have two breasts apiece, compared to none for anyone else in the race from either major party. However, the much more popular Donald Trump states that Fiorina's face is "ridiculous" for a would-be U.S. President. "Just look at it."

According to a glossy campaign brochure which "has not been approved or coordinated with any candidate or candidate's committee," and is thus due all the deference as if the Koch Brothers had signed it themselves, Fiorina was born in 1954 in Austin, Texas to Madelon Montross Jueregens and Joseph Tyree Sneed III. This would mean that she began life with a different name, although this is hardly as remarkable for a woman as it was for President Les King or Baz Soetero. The former never had to run for election (outside Grand Rapids, Michigan) and the latter had the media in the palm of his cocaine-stained hand.

What's-her-name's mother was an artist (in the same way that this author is an author) and her father was an up-and-coming law school professor who took the family around the world. Fiorina attended five different high schools, including one in Ghana, but none in Kenya and never claimed to be from any of those places, even to goose sales of an autobiography. Ultimately she graduated from a mundane high school in Durham, North Carolina. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Teutonic Knights, featured on 10 February 2014. See the featured version.
Antoninus Pius, featured on 10 February 2013. See the featured version.
Inbox, featured on 3 July 2011. See the featured version.
A wizard did it, featured on 28 April 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Gadams
  • ...that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (pictured)
  • ...that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
  • ...that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
  • ...that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
  • ...that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
  • ...that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe?
  • ...that the butler did it?

In the news:

On this day...

February 10: International Bad Pun Day
  • 2-First recorded bitch slap
  • 1104 - Potato famine engulfs Ireland. Panhandling Leprechauns flood the cities because they're a little short
  • 1105 - Irish Potato Phantom claims responsibility for bitter harvest.
  • 1390 - Bread is invented. Everybody proposes a toast to the inventor of bread.
  • 1391 - Sliced Bread is invented. This is the greatest thing invented since bread itself.
  • 1392 - Toast is invented. Everybody proposes a bread to the inventor of toast.
  • 1890 - Oscar Wilde's new play "Pun" is first performed in London. Critics describe it as a "play on words".
  • 1950 - Future French actor Jean Reno is asked whether he wants to go to the toilet. "Oui, Oui" he replies.
  • 1951 - Avocado discovers the mol. Scientific community dismisses him when he claims that they are not, in fact, brown and fuzzy.
  • 1954 - Inventor of the handshake chokes while ingesting his own creation. Doctors attempted to finger force the patient but couldn't nail the problem in time. He died on the way to the hospital.
  • 1965 - Pele gets his balls kicked by a fellow team member. Fortunately, his club is able to replace them and allows him to continue training.
  • 1970 - Winnie the Pooh's son is born, Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo.
  • 1973 - Describing his spiritual journey into heavy metal, Jimmy Page admits that he was "led" into it.
  • 1975 - Colorado Christian Boarding School-boy Dick Face is insulted for the first time. I would not be his last.
  • 1977 - French President Mitterand explains at a press conference that he doesn't like too many eggs for breakfast as one egg is 'un oeuf'.
  • 1980 - Various case studies indicate you can put things in them and carry them by their handles.
  • 1981 - Bono and The Edge agree that they, too, like the Canadian Punk band "U".
  • 1985 - Das Boot, a German film about gender neutral enclosed footwear, is released.
  • 1996 - "Punny" added to the Oxford dictionary. Subsequent bonfire nearly engulfs America.
  • 1997 - During a fight with Evander Holyfield, Mike Tyson's British trainer exclaims "What's this 'ere?"
  • 1999 - The world's first cyborg can't fix himself because he is broke.
  • 2008 - The Tea Room of Mercy Hospital, Australia, has its grand opening with hair in its tea, since the Koala tea of Mercy is not strained.
  • 2017 - Walmart opens 1st store in Iraq. The only thing that was in its way before was that there was a target on every corner. Walmart stocks spike due to increase in Game department.
  • 2018 - Walmart bans sale of firearms at Iraqi stores based on public outcry due to increased violence in Kuwait.
  • 2019 - Walmart reinstates sales of firearms due to lost revenue.
  • 2031 - Juan Pablo Montoya is shot to death. Police believe the weapon to be a golf gun, because it made a hole in Juan.
  • 2067 - The Roman Catholic church is finally bereft of nuns. There were none left.
  • 2100 - Hugh Gass realises he has a huge ass.

Today's featured picture

Kfcstalinsexiest

If you don't buy their chicken, you might end up disappearing.

Image Credit: Bezdomniy
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Recent Articles

Marco Rubio sip.jpg

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