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{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}

Latest revision as of 12:53, May 19, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
31,037 articles in English

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Today's Featured Article - Einstein's Theory of Relativity

Einstein

Einstein's Theory of Relativity as proposed in a joint paper by Albert Einstein and Jacques Lacan, states that all relatives in a family were only in their various positions in the family relative to one another in a fixed point in time or space. For instance, a father is a father to a child and he is a brother to his brother. Thus the same person is both a father and a brother, from two different points of view. This is of minimum use in Physics, but Einstein had lots of Ph.D.s and qualifications to make it sound really important, so people credited him with the discovery anyway.

As such, it was one of the most important inventions in history, paving the way for the temporal paradox, the engine which powers the Time machine used by Professor Marty McFly in his famous time travel documentary Forward to the Past.

Albert Einstein's 1905 rant On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies introduced the wild guess of relativity. Einstein's marketing agent suggested there may be some difficulty marketing a "wild guess," and in a brilliant marketing gambit, it was recast as a "Theory" or a "Principle."

While this principle was not new to Einstein's work, he found that putting a fork in the microwave oven may have seemed like fun, yet in the long run just ended up breaking the oven. The experiment was new, in its focus on placing various other objects in a microwave and seeing what happened. He found that the same power needed to spark a fork in the lab was equal to that required in a kitchen to be the same as that required to blow up a kitten, or melt a hydrated rose, regardless of their rotation or the motion of the body of food, flowers or fauna. Raindrops on roses and radiation on kittens were just a few of his favorite things. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz (born Rafael Edward Cruz) is the junior United States Senator from Texas. Elected in 2012 as a Republican, he is the first Hispanic or Cuban American to serve as a U.S. Senator from Texas. The term serve is used loosely, because he is running for President of the United States, and while running for President, he has very little time to fulfill his duties as a US Senator. Several analysts are concerned about his hopes in the current Presidential election because he does not actually qualify to be President in as much as he was born outside the United States as a Cuban Canadian, and the Constitution mandates that the President must be born within the US as a natural born citizen, but because that didn't stop President Obama, Cruz believes it will not be an issue for him either.

Christened Rafael Edward Cruz, he was born to Eleanor Elizabeth Darragh Wilson, and Rafael Bienvendo Cruz in Toronto, Canada on December 22, 1970. At the time Ted was born, his father worked in the oil industry in Canada. Rafael Cruz Sr. owned a company that processed seismic data for oil drillers and he was very gifted at processing the data until the oil drillers got the results they wanted. He had learned how to process data from his time in Cuba fighting with Castro's good ol' boys as an interpretation specialist. Any information that needed to be reinterpreted or processed went through Rafael Cruz Sr. before being sent out through official channels. Ted's Father left Cuba in 1957 to attend the University of Texas where "I got me some learnin'", as he would say on graduation in one of his humorous attempts to imitate a Texas drawl.

Cruz's mother, Eleanor Wilson Cruz, was born and raised in Wilmington, Delaware, of Irish and Italian descent, and she has the typical temperament of someone with that heritage, or at least the temperament of an average mother. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured HowTo:Correctly Install your Telescreen, featured on 29 May 2014. See the featured version.
Carry On Film, featured on 29 May 2013. See the featured version.
UnBooks:The journey of the ugly kitten, featured on 29 May 2012. See the featured version.
UnTunes:Ain't Another Way (The Pedophile's Lament), featured on 29 May 2011. See the featured version.
Daily News, featured on 29 May 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Arse tickle
  • ...that tickle fights are a common occurrence in soccer? (pictured)
  • ...that torture is better to give than to receive?
  • ...that this statement is not not not not not not not not not not not possibly confusing to no one somewhere right now?
  • ...that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
  • ...that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
  • ...that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
  • ...that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Brothers movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?

In the news

On this day...

Sl24

May 29: Sodium Penthathol Day

  • 1789 - Thomas Jefferson creates the "No Anniversary Day", in order to let people rest from Anniversaries at least one day in the year.
  • 1790 - Several people across the country try to celebrate the second "No Anniversary Day" and are executed for stupidity.
  • 1791 - Third No Anniversary Day. Nothing happens.
  • 1804 - On the 13th Anniversary of Sodium Penthanol Day (SPD), Oscar Wilde discovers an Archimedes Text describing the day. He then writes the quote, "WTF happened to Sodium Penthanol day?!?," resulting in a world-wide celebration of SPD in which 2.7 million people inadvertainly kill themselves.
  • 1829 - Doctor What, the lord of all spelling, estranged brother of Doctor Who wonders why people in the 18th Century were unable to spell 'Sodium Pentothal' and then completely frogets..fargets...fergets...errr..hwo to splel himselth. Large Riot at the 40th No Anniversary Day parade, 28 people injured and 12 seriously killed as a statue built in honour of the parade spontaneously combusts.
  • 1859 - Emperor Norton is dubbed Emperor of The United States of America and Protector of Mexico after making quick work of his obsessive fans at the final Nortoncon.
  • 2005 - Long lost deciple of Doctor What, lord of all spelling, discovers he can alter all the spelling mistakes he wants on this site, realising a childhood dream.
  • 1989 - Iceland bans all applesauce causing a riot that is still going on to this day.
  • 2010 - The WNBA declared their way of playing the sport is about the fundamentals, rather than the skill.

Today's featured picture

Aoushot1

A screenshot from Age of Umpires II: Age of Cricket. In this example, we see the classic "Shotgun-Seven" formation being used to maximum effect. Any good Umpire would note that this places a good deal of emphasis on the left side, making it easy enough to sneak in the stray foul wicket.

Image Credit: Hindleyite
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

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