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Latest revision as of 16:27, August 9, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
31,377 articles in English

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Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: H. P. Lovecraft

Yesterday's Featured Article - H. P. Lovecraft

HP Lovecraft

How the man known Howard Phillips Lovecraft came to have an Uncyclopedia entry written about him is a fact of whose blasphemous origins we shall never be privileged to know. That it is written at all is miracle enough, for we live on an infinitesimal and placid island of literacy, consoled by structured and educated ignorance, swallowed in the midst of the boundless black seas of inconceivable truths to which we owe our own existence, broiling with a slobbering idiocy that inhabits both timeless places and unknowable concepts far beyond those precious few possibilities that can be reached by our wildest and most broken of nightmares.

It was not meant that we should use a simple spellcheck to cover our own ineptitudes, and had it been known what foul ravings would creep onto our website under the cover of wretched darkness, we would have tried inexorably to keep constant vigilance in the form of a log, thus that or natural cravings for hidden knowledge could be be tickled by its unearthly reply. Harsh and unrelenting imprisonment in the ravaged husks of our own minds would have invariably been our fates, for all of time, both having passed and yet to come.

The great unwashed, each mashing their keyboards in the darkness of their parents' basements, have hitherto harmed us little in our blissful ignorance; but perhaps their random effusions have now conspired to allow an article of whose utter, mind-destroying idiocy, deep seated as it is in unfathomable and yet undeniable truths, will send us screaming to our nearest Webster's Dictionary, seeking structured and reasoned solace from the coming storm of inescapable realizations now sneaking their vile repercussions into the deepest regions of our very souls; a cacophony of unrequited sorrows writhing in the filth of untold woes, beating our thoughts into willing and unquestioning submission to a boundless madness. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured I'm not a racist, but..., featured on 28 April 2015. See the featured version.
Python (programming language), featured on 28 April 2014. See the featured version.
Frankly Disappointing Telescope, featured on 28 April 2012. See the featured version.
UnNews:Encyclopædia Dramatica ends undramatically, world celebrates, featured on 28 April 2011. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Chess rabbi
  • ...that in Israel, chess sets contain rabbis rather than bishops? (pictured)*...that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
  • ...that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
  • ...that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!
  • ...that the average human male between the ages of 13 and 18 is has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
    • ...and if you haven't before you just did after reading the above statement.
  • ...that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man?
    • ...that withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
      • ...that the reason the government does not ban it is because of the tax money it gets from the food industry?
  • ...that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?

In the news:

On this day...

April 28: Amateur Internet Porn Day

Today's featured picture

Moses with Ipad

When Moses finally reached the top of Mount Sinai he was surprised to find God had left him the holy iPad; complete with the ten commandments, the angry birds app, and all!

Image Credit: Magic man and his friend.
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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 31,377 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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Uncyclopedia
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