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Latest revision as of 19:03, August 21, 2014

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
30,776 articles in English

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Donations

Categories · Featured content · A–Z index

Today's Featured Article - Food

BBQ Food

Food is one of the most dangerous substances known to humankind. It is not only poisonous, but carcinogenic, so much so that it or one of its derivatives is found in the tumours of all cancer patients. Unfortunately, it is also notoriously hard to avoid and extremely addictive. Most patients eat it every day.

Conventional medicine has mostly failed to recognise this threat to public safety, going so far as to advocate its consumption. Alternative medicine, however, is well aware of the dangers of food, and alternative doctors never allow their patients to eat it. As food is everywhere, the difficulty of avoiding it discourages many from following through with alternative treatments, and they go back to conventional doctors who rely on old-fashioned cutting, burning and slashing.

Avoiding food sounds deceptively simple: just don't eat it. But it's not as easy as it sounds. Food is an integral part of most modern diets; indeed most of us eat nothing else. But having something to eat is vital to survival, so the food must be replaced by something else.

But what? It is possible to survive without eating food if one drinks water. If one wants to eliminate such deadly toxins completely, however, water must be avoided as well. All water is chock-full of its own collection of nasties, and if you drink water instead of eating food you will not be any better off. (more...)

Recently featured: My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection

Yesterday's Featured Article - My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection

Fonz duel

My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection is the best Yu-Gi-Oh! collection in the entire world and is thus, by default, better than yours. People often ask me if they will ever be able to obtain a Yu-Gi-Oh! collection that is as good as mine. The answer is always no. Nothing in the universe even approaches the awesomeness of my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection, not even the polio vaccine.

Although I own several top-notch Yu-Gi-Oh! decks, my Colossal Fighter OTK Deck has literally brought my opponents to tears. Who can blame them? My deck includes some of the rarest and most powerful cards on Earth such as Green-Eyes Kill You Dragon (グリーンアイズはあなたがドラゴン殺し), The Giant Stabbing Person (ジャイアント刺傷人), and I Punch You In Face (私は顔であなたをパンチ), along with several others that have yet to be released to the general public. Most people don't even bother to duel me when I arrive at tournaments. The rational ones understand that defeat is inevitable and surrender as soon as they see my face. Those who are foolish enough to actually duel me will often perform hara-kiri as soon as I end my first turn, hoping to preserve even a fraction of their honor.

In addition to my awesome deck, my Yu-Gi-Oh! collection contains over 50,000 rare, super rare, secret rare, ultra rare, ultimate rare, super secret ultra rare, mega ultra super rare, and super ultra mega secret golden rare cards. For those of you unfamiliar with the Yu-Gi-Oh! terminology, that means I own over 50,000 shiny cards. And I don't own the worthless shiny cards either. I own all four Egyptian God cards signed by William Shakespeare and Abraham Lincoln.(more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Koch Brothers, featured on 23 December 2012. See the featured version.
Freudian slip, featured on 23 December 2010. See the featured version.
Leprechaun, featured on 23 December 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Stock Performance
  • ...that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (pictured)
  • ...that a broken clock is correct twice a day?
  • ...that there is no truth to the rumour that Candlejack kidnaps people who s-
  • ...that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
  • ...that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
  • ...that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
  • ...that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"

In the news

On this day...

FestivusPint

December 23: Festivus

Today's featured picture

9-11

9-Eleven, a world-wide chain of convenience stores serving the needs of those who seek to overthrow whichever hated oppressor is in vogue at the time, is now owned by a conglomeration of businessmen operating out of Afghanistan for tax purposes. People often call them when they need fat. In a bun.

Image Credit: FreeMorpheme
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