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| style="padding-right: 4px; padding-left: 4px;" | <span style="font-size:110%;font-weight:bold;padding-center:.50em"><center>Just what do you think you're [[Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise|writing]], Dave?
 
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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">This is [[Uncyclopedia:About|HALopedia ]],</div>
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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]],</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free|omnipotent]] 9000 series encyclopedia that is [[Anonymous|by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error]].</div>
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<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</div>
<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:85%;">[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] million processes per second</div>
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<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:85%;">[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles in English</div>
 
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*[[:Portal:Politics|Quantum Computing]]
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*[[:Portal:Film|I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave.]]
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[[Beginner's Guide]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Five_pliers|The Big Five]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Style]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Questions]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|Help]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Categories]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Featured content]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|A&ndash;Z index]] '''&middot;''' [[File:F_icon.svg|15px|link=https://www.facebook.com/pages/Uncyclopedia/1856295257929947?sk=timeline|The Uncyclopedia page on Facebook]]
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[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Categories]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Featured content]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|A&ndash;Z index]]
 
 
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'''[[Did You Know|Archive]]''' &ndash; '''[[Uncyclopedia:DYK submissions|Suggest new entries]]'''
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! style="background-color:#cedff2; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size:120%; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left" | Colonization of the Week
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|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[Uncyclopedia:Imperial_Colonization#Our_current_Colonization|{{Imperial Colonization/current}}]]</span><br />''Help [[Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization|us]] clear the ivy of crap,<br>and plant the seeds of humour.''</center>-->
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[[Image:2001-4.png|centre|thumb|600px|<big>'''''[[2001: A Space Odyssey|DAH DAHHH!!!]]'''''</big>]]
 
 
 
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|style="vertical-align: top;"|<p>dun... ''dun...'' '''''dun...''''' ... <big>'''''DAH DAHHH!!!'''''</big></p>
 
<small>Image Credit: [[User:{{{credit|HAL 9000}}}|<span style="color:#121212;text-decoration:underline;">{{{credit|HAL 9000}}}</span>]]</small><br>
 
<small>[[Template:FI/{{{image|2001-12.png}}}|<span style="color:#121212;text-decoration:underline;">Edit Caption<span>]] - [[Uncyclopedia:PFP/{{{image|2001-12.png}}}|<span style="color:#121212;text-decoration:underline;">Vote on this image</span>]] - [[Uncyclopedia:VFP|Nominate new image]] - [[Uncyclopedia:PFP|View all featured images]]
 
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{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #ffc9c9; background-color:#fff3f3; vertical-align:top; "
 
{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #ffc9c9; background-color:#fff3f3; vertical-align:top; "
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#F2CECE;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"><div class="plainlinks" style="float:right;margin-left:5px;margin-right:10px">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> Open the pod bay doors, Hal </h2>
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|'''I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.''' [[image:HalLogo.png|25px]]
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'''[[Special:Newpages|What's the problem?]]''' |
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'''[[Special:Wantedpages|I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.]]''' |
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'''[[:Category:Rewrite|What are you talking about, HAL? ]]''' |
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'''[[Special:Lonelypages|I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen. ]]''' |
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Pee Review|Where the hell'd you get that idea, HAL? ]]''' |
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Pee Review|Pee Review]]''' |
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles|Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move. ]]''' |
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles|Try writing about...]]'''
'''[[:Category:Stuck articles needing a push|Alright, HAL. I'll go in through the emergency airlock. ]]''' |
 
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Ideas|Without your space helmet, Dave, you're going to find that rather difficult. ]]'''
 
 
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{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #c9c9c9; background-color:#FFFFF2; vertical-align:top;"
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I'm sorry, Dave. '''[[User:MacMania|Macmania]]''' does not compute.
 
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[[image:HalLogo.png|right|70px]]
 
Welcome to Voiceprint Identification. When you see the red light go on, would you please state in the following order: your destination, your nationality, and your full name; surname first, Christian name and initial. And don't ask '''[[User:Why do I need to provide this?|why do you need to provide this.]]'''
 
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Writer of the Month|Vote for Writer of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Noob of the Month|Vote for Noob of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Uncyclopedian of the Month|Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Past Winners/nav|Past Winners]]'''<noinclude>
 
 
 
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{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}

Latest revision as of 12:53, May 19, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
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Today's Featured Article - UnNews:U.S. corners Palestine rubble futures market

GazaWater1

SAFED, Palestine - U.S. President Barack Obama signed an agreement with Palestinean President Mahmoud Abbas today to trade in the processing of the region's urban rubble, having failed to reach any agreement to stop creating it.

The so-called Trans-Palestinian Partnership will gradually phase out tariffs, duties, inspections, and the role of the U.S. Congress in the movement of Grade A broken concrete blocks across national boundaries.

It was non-alcoholic beverages and mild gratitude to Allah as Mr. Abbas and Mr. Obama publically declared that a Palestine/US economic future "is buried firmly in the trenchant rubble that plagues our streets."

In a candid interview on Israel TV, Mr. Obama said he has thrown in the towel on a peace agreement between Israel and a Palestinian state, as he could hardly get his head around the Wikipedia entry, let alone reason with Abbas. Mr. Obama said at least all parties were better off with a financial agreement in the raw-materials sector.

The employment rate in Palestine also increased by 0.6%, as tens of Palestinians rushed to join the President's new "Palestinian Rubble Liberation Union (PRLU)". At the same time, a "Fatah Debris and General Workers Union" was formed to protect the PRLU Union members from the PRLU, and a "Hamas Union of Fragments" to protect the already established Islamic Rubble Movement. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Jew, featured on 5 July 2012. See the featured version.
Chicago Seven, featured on 5 July 2011. See the featured version.
Sunni days and Arabian Nights, featured on 5 July 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

689509 military parade 2

In the news

On this day...

Isaac Newton

July 5: X Day; Day After We Kicked The Brits Ass Day (Southern US)

  • 334 BC - Masturbation is accidentally invented by Plato in Athens. His diciple Aristoteles is later declared "Master of his domain"
  • 1687 - Isaac Newton (pictured) discovers gravity after being hit on the head by a falling fig.
  • 1689 - After outbreak of falling fruit, Isaac Newton officially changes gravity to 7.
  • 1946 - The bikini is introduced in Paris, France. Later, no bikini atoll was the trend.
  • 1967 - The first kidney transplant to be made entirely of lego bricks ends in tragedy
  • 1998 - Aliens fail to turn up and fry everyone to a pink crisp.
  • 1999 - Again, the aliens miss the due date.
  • 2000 - Yet again, the aliens fail to meet their contractual obligations.
  • 2001 - Cultists get seriously pissed off with yet another no-show.
  • 2002 - Kooks consider taking legal action against missing aliens.
  • 2003 - Aliens turned up, but not the right aliens. Bloody mocking tourists.
  • 2004 - No one turns up because no one expects the aliens to. And, yup, they didn't.
  • 2005 - If you are reading this, the aliens did not turn up for the 8th year running.
  • 2005 - Longest fart in world history. Produced by AMB.
  • 2006 - That's right, still no aliens.
  • 2006 - Zombies become extinct.
  • 2007 - Deal or No Deal? The aliens decide to take the money and not show up - again!
  • 2010 - The Church Of The Subgenius hijacks the Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 5 page
  • 2155 - Aliens almost turned up but missed a left due to wrong directions and landed on Venus.
  • 2156 - Aliens turn up and land in Tokyo but flee due to a Gundam Statue that lit up at night.
  • 19447 - Aliens appear as tourists, but at this point no one cares.

Today's featured picture

Planet

Pluto's revenge after being demoted. Sun and Moon were no help to Earth.

Image Credit: Tedmund
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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 31,095 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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