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| style="padding-right: 4px; padding-left: 4px;" | <span style="font-size:110%;font-weight:bold;padding-center:.50em"><center>Just what do you think you're [[Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise|writing]], Dave?
 
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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">This is [[Uncyclopedia:About|HALopedia ]],</div>
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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]],</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free|omnipotent]] 9000 series encyclopedia that is [[Anonymous|by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error]].</div>
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<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</div>
<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:85%;">[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] million processes per second</div>
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*[[:Portal:Politics|Quantum Computing]]
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[[Beginner's Guide]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Five_pliers|The Big Five]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Style]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Questions]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|Help]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Categories]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Featured content]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|A&ndash;Z index]] '''&middot;''' [[File:F_icon.svg|15px|link=https://www.facebook.com/pages/Uncyclopedia/1856295257929947?sk=timeline|The Uncyclopedia page on Facebook]]
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[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Categories]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Featured content]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|A&ndash;Z index]]
 
 
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">On this day...</h2>
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|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[Uncyclopedia:Imperial_Colonization#Our_current_Colonization|{{Imperial Colonization/current}}]]</span><br />''Help [[Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization|us]] clear the ivy of crap,<br>and plant the seeds of humour.''</center>-->
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[[Image:2001-4.png|centre|thumb|600px|<big>'''''[[2001: A Space Odyssey|DAH DAHHH!!!]]'''''</big>]]
 
 
 
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|style="vertical-align: top;"|<p>dun... ''dun...'' '''''dun...''''' ... <big>'''''DAH DAHHH!!!'''''</big></p>
 
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<small>[[Template:FI/{{{image|2001-12.png}}}|<span style="color:#121212;text-decoration:underline;">Edit Caption<span>]] - [[Uncyclopedia:PFP/{{{image|2001-12.png}}}|<span style="color:#121212;text-decoration:underline;">Vote on this image</span>]] - [[Uncyclopedia:VFP|Nominate new image]] - [[Uncyclopedia:PFP|View all featured images]]
 
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{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #ffc9c9; background-color:#fff3f3; vertical-align:top; "
 
{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #ffc9c9; background-color:#fff3f3; vertical-align:top; "
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#F2CECE;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"><div class="plainlinks" style="float:right;margin-left:5px;margin-right:10px">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> Open the pod bay doors, Hal </h2>
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! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#F2CECE;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"><div class="plainlinks" style="float:right;margin-left:5px;margin-right:10px">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> Recent Articles</h2>
 
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|'''I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.''' [[image:HalLogo.png|25px]]
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'''[[Special:Newpages|What's the problem?]]''' |
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'''[[Special:Wantedpages|I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.]]''' |
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'''[[:Category:Rewrite|What are you talking about, HAL? ]]''' |
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'''[[Special:Lonelypages|I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen. ]]''' |
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Pee Review|Where the hell'd you get that idea, HAL? ]]''' |
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles|Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move. ]]''' |
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles|Try writing about...]]'''
'''[[:Category:Stuck articles needing a push|Alright, HAL. I'll go in through the emergency airlock. ]]''' |
 
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Ideas|Without your space helmet, Dave, you're going to find that rather difficult. ]]'''
 
 
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{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #c9c9c9; background-color:#FFFFF2; vertical-align:top;"
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I'm sorry, Dave. '''[[User:MacMania|Macmania]]''' does not compute.
 
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Welcome to Voiceprint Identification. When you see the red light go on, would you please state in the following order: your destination, your nationality, and your full name; surname first, Christian name and initial. And don't ask '''[[User:Why do I need to provide this?|why do you need to provide this.]]'''
 
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'''[[Uncyclopedia:Writer of the Month|Vote for Writer of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Noob of the Month|Vote for Noob of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Uncyclopedian of the Month|Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month]]''' | '''[[Uncyclopedia:Past Winners/nav|Past Winners]]'''<noinclude>
 
 
 
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{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}

Latest revision as of 16:27, August 9, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
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31,382 articles in English

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Categories · Featured content · A–Z index · F icon

Today's Featured Article - Community

Meet-the-clangers

A community is a collection of humans, thought of as an undifferentiated unit. This means that individual differences of opinion can be denied, disparaged, or dealt with through unactionable campaign promises or Special Limited-Time Offers. Why one should think of humans as an undifferentiated unit is an open question. It works for a herd of grazing cows; they demonstrate all the typical traits of a community. By comparison, if the human world were a community, one would assume the victims of an opera-house massacre would not have scrambled to find the nearest exit.

To understand how a community works, we need to look at the Human Condition: "the characteristics, key events, and situations essential to human existence." Examples are: broadband speed, fashion, drama, perceived individuality and whether a smoker or non-smoker. The Human Condition is very broad (more so in American ballparks), and is pondered and analyzed from perspectives including philosophy, art, sociology, ethnic cleansers, and despots.

As a literary term, "the Human Condition" is typically used in the context of ambiguous subjects, such as what is the right hair color. Once the literature is bought by Hollywood, the Human Condition is subordinate to conditioner, and then hair color including metal-flaking. The Human Condition describes the moral compass heading that keeps the individual from being lost in a crowd professing to have the identical compass heading. A community is a social unit of any size that shares these common values, or at least pretends to in public. (more...)

Recently featured: Community

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Political cartoon, featured on 2 May 2014. See the featured version.
Belgian Mountain Troops, featured on 2 May 2013. See the featured version.
Bhagavad-gita, featured on 2 May 2012. See the featured version.
UnNews:Crackpot confirms irrational suspicions after viewing online news piece, featured on 2 May 2011. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Price vincent4

In the news:

On this day...

Buddha Pacman Thumb

May 2: Leper Kissing Day in Romania, Throw live babies into the ocean day (Japan)

  • 483 BC - Gautama Buddha dies, having finally achieved his lifetime best score on Pac-man. Only to have his score be beaten one minute later by God
  • 20 AD - Jesus Kisses First Leper
  • 1390 - Chaucer invents the toaster.
  • 1822 - The English town of Gimbley Gulch is destroyed in an avalanche of discarded maypoles.
  • 1856 - Carbon-dating shows that fire was actually invented by Google.
  • 1876 - Behind schedule, the April Uprising breaks out in Bulgaria.
  • 1923 - The first test-flight of the Jumbo Jet is aborted when engineers discover that the jet engine hasn't been invented yet.
  • 1936 - God declares linear progression of time 'boring' and bans it. Confusing nonsense ensues.
  • 1942 - Mick Jagger is born and immiediately finds he cant get no satisfaction, oh no no.
  • 1985 - Leg warmers officially registered 'unfashionable' by United Nations.
  • 1986 - Coke debuts its "New Coke", in a convoluted and ultimate successful attempt to increase sales of Pepsi.
  • 2000 - Mexico exhausts its supply of refried beans following the trade embargo imposed by the Council for Fresh Air.
  • 2011 - Osama bin Laden is caught by Chuck Norris and sodomized to death. Disappointed to find 72 Trekkies waiting for him.

Today's featured picture

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The pill for what ails our administrators.

Image Credit: RadicalX
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