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{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}

Latest revision as of 19:03, August 21, 2014

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
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Today's Featured Article - UnBooks:Aesop's Tables

Tortoiseandhare

Having achieved significant commercial and literary success with his compendium of fables, published in 580 BCE, Aesop was able to pay his way out of slavery and into the infinitely more profitable business of self-promotion and after dinner speaking. History has not recorded the exact details of these missing years of Aesop's life, which was why we here at Anythingforadolla books were thrilled to discover this untouched manuscript believed to have been penned by Aesop himself in around 571 BCE. The publishers understand that having found initial success with fables, Aesop found himself struggling to make ends meet so he used the remainder of his personal wealth to purchase a stall near Thermopylae selling stylish tables to appoint the typical Ancient Greek dwelling.

This manuscript appears to chronicle Aesop's efforts to replicate the success he had had in literature into a fast paced business world.

There was once a tortoise, whose regular route to and from Lamia took him past a thriving retail outlet near Thermopylae. The tortoise was not particularly wise, for he rarely stopped to examine the fine woodwork or appreciate the craftsmanship on display at the thriving retail outlet or to consider the very competitively priced wares, but he was rich and powerful. One day the tortoise passed the retail outlet and had cause to speak to its proprietor.(more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - The Camera Obscura Collection of Hans Helmuth Saltzman (1602-1668)

Cat 6774

The Saltzman family were merchants and bankers within the Hanseatic League for two centuries up to the time of Peter the Great. Their fortune reached its zenith in Hans Helmuth's lifetime, when many of their family members were attached to European courts as diplomats and money brokers, below and behind the aristocratic tier of ambassadors and ecclesiastical envoys, with whom they exchanged patronage for finance.

Hans Helmuth Saltzman was an attaché to the Ambassador of Schleswig-Holstein during the latter part of the reign of Charles I, and was an important and impartial witness to the internal divisions of English society at the time. As a youngest son, he was not obliged to devote himself to his family business, and could afford the life of a gentleman-scholar and experimenter. During this period he often collaborated with the Enlightenment greats in England, France and the German states, and some scholars believe that he may have been the true personage of a highly-regarded English playwright (although most disagree, citing Saltzman's lack of discipline in the literary arts during his younger years). His immersion in the process of Scientific discovery, however, was made relatively late in life, when Saltzman was in his forties, when he met the famous inventor Robert Hooke who inspired him with his theories in optics. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Talk Talk, featured on 27 August 2012. See the featured version.
Puddle of shit, featured on 27 August 2011. See the featured version.
UnScripts:Good Cop Inanimate Cop, featured on 27 August 2010. See the featured version.
Quentin Tarantino, featured on 27 August 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Chickenedited
  • ...cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (pictured)!
  • ...that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
  • ...that this statement is not not not not not not not not not not not possibly confusing to no one somewhere right now?
  • ...that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
  • ...that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
  • ...that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
  • ...that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?

In the news

On this day...

Day after tomorrow

August 27: The Day After Tomorrow

  • 1793 - French counter-revolution. Corian becomes the counter du jour.
  • 1883 - Krakatoa explodes, hurling pumice, rubber ducks, loofahs and other bathing accessories over 150 miles.
  • 1928 - The Kellogg-Post Pact, renouncing oatmeal as an instrument of foreign policy, was signed by 60 cereal companies.
  • 2002 - Armageddon
  • 2002.5 - Armageddon Nervous
  • 2003 - Armageddon Outta Here
  • 2 minutes later - Chuck Norris remembers to close the door of his fridge.
  • 2004 - Three days from last Tuesday, something important happened.
  • 2006 - Today is really August 29th.
  • 2007 - Today is the day before tomorrow.
  • 2009 - Scientists proved the real reason of global warming is increasing group sex rate of eskimos.
  • 2101 - All your base are belong to us.

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