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Latest revision as of 16:27, August 9, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
31,167 articles in English

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Categories · Featured content · A–Z index · F icon

Today's Featured Article -

Recently featured: Warranty

Yesterday's Featured Article - Warranty

ReadingDoc

IMPORTANT PIECE OF PAPER! DO NOT BLINDLY THROW AWAY BEFORE READING. Thank you for purchasing a free copy of Uncyclopedia to read in your web browser, courtesy of Uncyclopedia Inc.! We hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed making it. To guarantee your complete satisfaction with our product, we have included a 1-year limited warranty, which covers your copy starting at the moment you loaded it in your tab. Read below for the full terms and conditions prior to using this product.

For the purposes of clarifying further sections in this document, our lawyers have conveniently decided to define the following terms. They could have been happy English majors employed to work on a reputable dictionary, but they instead had to fall back on a law career and can now only enjoy offering shorthand to making reading legalese a bit easier for lesser humans. Please take the time to read this section if you want any hope of understanding the rest, assuming you can remember all of this.

  • "Agreement" - This agreement. Hope that clears up any confusion before we proceed further.
  • "Limited Warranty Period" - The time span during which this Agreement is effective.
  • "You" - Take a wild guess. If you have multiple personality disorder, this Agreement applies equally to you, you, you, and you.
  • "Product" - The Uncyclopedia website, and all the hilarious articles it contains.
  • "Reseller" - Your ISP, whether it be Comcast or your neighbor's unsecured WiFi router.
  • "The Company" - Uncyclopedia Inc. and everyone who contributes to it.

(more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Talk Talk, featured on 27 August 2012. See the featured version.
Puddle of shit, featured on 27 August 2011. See the featured version.
UnScripts:Good Cop Inanimate Cop, featured on 27 August 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Topless woman 11111
  • ...that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (pictured)
  • ...that really fat people cannot wash themselves but must avail of car washes late at night?
  • ...that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?
  • ...that many diseases can be prevented by washing hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
  • ...that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
  • ...that if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, the tree will begin to sing Nightwish until somebody approaches within earshot?
  • ...that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?

In the news:

On this day...

Day after tomorrow

August 27: The Day After Tomorrow

  • 1793 - French counter-revolution. Corian becomes the counter du jour.
  • 1883 - Krakatoa explodes, hurling pumice, rubber ducks, loofahs and other bathing accessories over 150 miles.
  • 1928 - The Kellogg-Post Pact, renouncing oatmeal as an instrument of foreign policy, was signed by 60 cereal companies.
  • 2002 - Armageddon
  • 2002.5 - Armageddon Nervous
  • 2003 - Armageddon Outta Here
  • 2 minutes later - Chuck Norris remembers to close the door of his fridge.
  • 2004 - Three days from last Tuesday, something important happened.
  • 2006 - Today is really August 29th.
  • 2007 - Today is the day before tomorrow.
  • 2009 - Scientists proved the real reason of global warming is increasing group sex rate of eskimos.
  • 2101 - All your base are belong to us.

Today's featured picture

LegoAssassination2

The Lego JFK Assassination Set was the top selling toy of 1963. Collectors have been known to pay up to twenty-seven dollars on eBay.

Image Credit: Sliferjam
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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 31,167 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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Uncyclopedia
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