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{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}

Latest revision as of 12:53, May 19, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
31,031 articles in English

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Categories · Featured content · A–Z index · F icon

Today's Featured Article - Einstein's Theory of Relativity

Einstein

Einstein's Theory of Relativity as proposed in a joint paper by Albert Einstein and Jacques Lacan, states that all relatives in a family were only in their various positions in the family relative to one another in a fixed point in time or space. For instance, a father is a father to a child and he is a brother to his brother. Thus the same person is both a father and a brother, from two different points of view. This is of minimum use in Physics, but Einstein had lots of Ph.D.s and qualifications to make it sound really important, so people credited him with the discovery anyway.

As such, it was one of the most important inventions in history, paving the way for the temporal paradox, the engine which powers the Time machine used by Professor Marty McFly in his famous time travel documentary Forward to the Past.

Albert Einstein's 1905 rant On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies introduced the wild guess of relativity. Einstein's marketing agent suggested there may be some difficulty marketing a "wild guess," and in a brilliant marketing gambit, it was recast as a "Theory" or a "Principle."

While this principle was not new to Einstein's work, he found that putting a fork in the microwave oven may have seemed like fun, yet in the long run just ended up breaking the oven. The experiment was new, in its focus on placing various other objects in a microwave and seeing what happened. He found that the same power needed to spark a fork in the lab was equal to that required in a kitchen to be the same as that required to blow up a kitten, or melt a hydrated rose, regardless of their rotation or the motion of the body of food, flowers or fauna. Raindrops on roses and radiation on kittens were just a few of his favorite things. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz (born Rafael Edward Cruz) is the junior United States Senator from Texas. Elected in 2012 as a Republican, he is the first Hispanic or Cuban American to serve as a U.S. Senator from Texas. The term serve is used loosely, because he is running for President of the United States, and while running for President, he has very little time to fulfill his duties as a US Senator. Several analysts are concerned about his hopes in the current Presidential election because he does not actually qualify to be President in as much as he was born outside the United States as a Cuban Canadian, and the Constitution mandates that the President must be born within the US as a natural born citizen, but because that didn't stop President Obama, Cruz believes it will not be an issue for him either.

Christened Rafael Edward Cruz, he was born to Eleanor Elizabeth Darragh Wilson, and Rafael Bienvendo Cruz in Toronto, Canada on December 22, 1970. At the time Ted was born, his father worked in the oil industry in Canada. Rafael Cruz Sr. owned a company that processed seismic data for oil drillers and he was very gifted at processing the data until the oil drillers got the results they wanted. He had learned how to process data from his time in Cuba fighting with Castro's good ol' boys as an interpretation specialist. Any information that needed to be reinterpreted or processed went through Rafael Cruz Sr. before being sent out through official channels. Ted's Father left Cuba in 1957 to attend the University of Texas where "I got me some learnin'", as he would say on graduation in one of his humorous attempts to imitate a Texas drawl.

Cruz's mother, Eleanor Wilson Cruz, was born and raised in Wilmington, Delaware, of Irish and Italian descent, and she has the typical temperament of someone with that heritage, or at least the temperament of an average mother. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Ph.D., featured on 27 May 2013. See the featured version.
UnNews:Canada's new phunny munny, featured on 27 May 2012. See the featured version.
Guru Maharaj Ji, featured on 27 May 2011. See the featured version.
Voidism, featured on 27 May 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Superorgasm
  • ...that your little sister is bluffing only 38% of the time? (pictured)
  • ...that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
  • ...that many diseases can be prevented by washing hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
  • ...that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
  • ...that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
  • ...that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
  • ...that one person can change the world?

In the news

On this day...

BeanRocket

May 27:, National Homicide Day

Today's featured picture

Jeanpool1

Experts advise against chlorinating the jean pool, as it causes the dye to bleed, and acid-washed jeans haven't been cool since '86.

Image Credit: RadicalX
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

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More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Articles to fix | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

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