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Latest revision as of 15:25, July 11, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
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Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Categories · Featured content · A–Z index · F icon

Today's Featured Article - Hillary Clinton

HillaryClintonAaaa

Hillary Clinton also known as Hillary Rodham Clinton or Hillary Rodham, or on bumper stickers as just Hillary! depending on how ex-President Bill Clinton is polling that week, is a U.S. politician, former First "Lady," and the only Secretary of State who had to be replaced by John Kerry.

Hillary Clinton is the utterly likable and completely unavoidable nominee of the Democratic Party for U.S. President in 2016, a campaign for which she has adopted slogans such as, "I'm the next best thing to Bill!" and "Vote for me and get Bill free!"

Hillary was born in Chicago, Illinois, on October 26, 1947, the daughter of a small businessman and a smaller homemaker, neither of whom is the clear source of those large thighs. Many journalists believe Hillary was named after Sir Edmund Hillary, who would go on to be someone people had heard of when he climbed Mount Everest — mostly, those journalists who take Hillary at her word. However, the fact is that she was instead named after Hilary Duff, and her parents doubled the "l" for "teh llullz."

Hillary was raised a Methodist, participated in student government, and by all accounts had a normal youth, apart from her obvious destiny to be a Senator and President some day.

The household was politically conservative and even influenced by Barry Goldwater. Unfortunately, she fell in with the Rockefeller wing — hardly Methodist and, on most issues, strictly agnostic — and later settled on Saul Alinsky, America's clearest exponent (after Karl Marx) of the idea that the ends justify the means, whose manual on ruthlessness informed the nation's lawyers no less than its pre-schoolers. (more...)

Recently featured: Hillary Clinton

Yesterday's Featured Article - Gretna Green

Gretna Green

Gretna Green is a village in Scotland, just over the border from England, which was notorious for hosting quickie weddings for young English lovers. The bride and groom needed only make their vows in front of witnesses (who were sometimes disinterested) and pay the nominal fee in a form that could be cashed before the angry parents arrived and dragged them back home. Moreover, Gretna marriages could be solemnised by anyone. This led to the blacksmith's anvil becoming a symbol for weddings, much as the barber pole has come to signify prompt medical treatment.

The village was named for Gretna Green, a nubile Scottish lass who was equally notorious for getting "married" several times a week. It acquired its niche in 1754 when Lord Hardwicke's Marriage Act, no pun intended, authorised parents to veto the marriage of a minor. Although the Act had the unintended consequence of cancelling many marriages to Welshmen digging for coal, it famously did not apply in Scotland, where pubescent marriages were routinely consummated on school playgrounds. In the 1770s, the A74 (now the A74(M)) was built, hormone-fueled engines revved up, and the race was on. Gretna Green, just above the mossy outgrowth on Adrian's Wall, became the prime destination, curious youngsters curiously not wishing to penetrate further into Scotland. It would go on to take the British record not only in irregular weddings but in irregular rail disasters. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured UnScripts:Prometheus, featured on 29 July 2013. See the featured version.
Hot indiscriminate sex, featured on 18 July 2008. See the featured version.Hot indiscriminate sex, featured on {{{date}}}. See the featured version.
UnRecipe:Fantastik flavored hallucinogenic ham with Uranium seasoning, featured on 29 July 2011. See the featured version.
Ol' Red, featured on 29 July 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

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  • ...I could absolutely kill for something to eat right now? (pictured)
  • ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins?
  • ...that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
  • ...verb noun preposition article verb noun?
  • ...that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
  • ...that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
  • ...that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?

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