Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (Turn "In the News" heading into a link to UnNews)
 
(1,351 intermediate revisions by more than 100 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
<table width=100%>
+
__NOTOC____NOEDITSECTION__
<tr><td>
+
<!------------ Top banner ------------------------------ -->
<div align=center><p style="margin: 2.5em 0 0 3%; text-align: center;
+
{| style="width:100%; background:#fcfcfc; margin-top:1.2em; border:1px solid #ccc;"
font-size: 125%; line-height: 1.3">[[Image:uncyclopediaplus.JPG|800px]]</p><br><p style="margin:0 0 0 3%;text-align:center;font-size:94%">[[Sophia]] has inspired us to work on [[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles since opening in January 2005,<br><br> <font size=7>and YOU can view them <br><br>ALL<br><br> if you have a <br><br> credit card or PayPal account!<br><br></font></p>
+
|style="width:56%; color:#000"| <!--
''Hey kids! Before editing, please read the [[Sorry!|writing guidelines]] and [[Sorry!|flamewar manual]].<br>More Detail can be found in our [[Sorry!|Ignorable policies]]''
 
   
<h5><p style="font-variant: small-caps; text-align:center; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom:.2em; font-size: 105%;">[[Image:browse now.JPG|Uncyclopedia:Browse]]</p> </h5>
+
---------- "Welcome to Uncyclopedia" etc ----------- -->
  +
{| style="width:280px; border:solid 0px; background:none;"
  +
|style="width:280px; text-align:center; white-space:nowrap; color:#000;"|
  +
<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]],</div>
  +
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</div>
  +
<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:85%;">[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles in English</div>
  +
|}<!--
   
<!--''[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Browse Uncyclopedia]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Browse by overview|Article overviews]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Quick index|Alphabetical index]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Category schemes|Other category schemes]]''--><br></div>
+
---------- Portals on right hand side ---------------------------- -->
</td><td>{{featuredimage}}</td></tr></table>
+
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%; color:#000;"|
{| cellspacing="3" style="clear:both"
+
*[[:Portal:Politics|Politics]]
|-valign="top"
+
*[[:Portal:Games|Games]]
|width="55%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #ffc9c9; color: #000; background-color: #fff3f3"|<div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"> <h3>Today's Free Sample!</h3>
+
*[[:Portal:Music|Music]]
{{Featuredarticle}}
+
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%;"|
  +
*[[Portal:Science|Science]]
  +
*[[:Portal:History|History]]
  +
*[[:Portal:Art|Art]]
  +
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%; color:#000;"|
  +
*[[:Portal:Television|Television]]
  +
*[[:Portal:Film|Film]]
  +
*[[:Portal:Theatre|Theatre]]
  +
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%;"|
  +
*[[:Portal:Society|Society]]
  +
*[[:Portal:People|People]]
  +
*'''[[:Portal:Portals|All Portals]]'''
  +
|}<!--
   
You can [[Sorry!|vote]] for your favorite articles to be featured when you become an EXCLUSIVE MEMBER.
+
---------- Links under banner --------------------- -->
  +
{|style="width:100%; background:none; margin:-.8em 0 -.7em 0;"
  +
|style="font-size:95%; padding:10px 0; margin:0px; text-align:center; white-space:nowrap; color:#000;"|
  +
[[Beginner's Guide]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Five_pliers|The Big Five]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Style]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Questions]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|Help]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Categories]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Featured content]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|A&ndash;Z index]] '''&middot;''' [[File:F_icon.svg|15px|link=https://www.facebook.com/pages/Uncyclopedia/1856295257929947?sk=timeline|The Uncyclopedia page on Facebook]]
  +
|}
   
'''[[Sorry!| More of the best of Uncyclopedia]]'''
+
<!--
----
 
<div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>More can be yours! Join today!</h3>
 
{{Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}}}
 
   
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}|Archived Anniversaries]]'''
+
---------- Beginning of main table ------------------ -->
  +
{| style="border-spacing:8px;margin:0px -8px"
  +
|width="55%" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #cef2e0; background-color:#f2fff9; vertical-align:top;"| <!--
  +
  +
---------- Beginning of left column ----------------- -->
  +
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f2fff9;"
  +
|{{r|Featuredarticle}}{{FFA/include|z}}
  +
|-
  +
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#cef2e0;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Did you know...</h2>
  +
|-
  +
|<div style="margin-left:0.5em;">{{DYKimage}}{{DidYouKnow|r}}{{DidYouKnow|a}}{{DidYouKnow|n}}{{DidYouKnow|d}}{{DidYouKnow|o}}{{DidYouKnow|m}}</div>
  +
<div align="right" class="noprint" style="clear:all">
  +
'''[[Did You Know|Archive]]''' &ndash; '''[[Uncyclopedia:DYK submissions|Suggest new entries]]'''
 
</div>
 
</div>
|width="45%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c6c9ff; color: #000; background-color: #f0f0ff"|<div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recentnews|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>For exclusive news coverage, get UnNews PLUS!</h3>
+
|-
{{Recentnews}}
+
|}<!--
   
'''[[Uncyclopedia:UnNews|More Current Events at UnNews News]]'''
+
---------- Beginning of right column ----------------------- -->
----
+
|width="45%" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #cedff2; background-color:#f2f8ff; vertical-align:top;"|
<div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:DidYouKnow|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>Did you know...</h3>
+
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f2f8ff;"
''That you can get Did You Know in your email if you SUBSCRIBE TODAY!
+
! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">[[UnNews|In the news:]]</h2>
{{DidYouKnow}}
+
|-
+
| <div class="nonwhite">{{RecentUnNews}}</div>
'''[[Sorry!|Read More]]'''
+
|-
  +
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">On this day...</h2>
  +
|-
  +
| <div class="nonwhite">{{Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}}}</div>
  +
<div align="right" class="noprint">
  +
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{tomorrow}}|View tomorrow]] &ndash; [[Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}|More anniversaries...]]'''
 
</div>
 
</div>
  +
<!-- This appears to be dead
 
|-
 
|-
| colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c9c9c9; color: #000; background-color: #f3fff3"| <div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>Recent articles! Exclusive access for PLUS members ONLY!</h3>
+
! style="background-color:#cedff2; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size:120%; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left" | Colonization of the Week
{{Recent}}
+
|-
  +
|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[Uncyclopedia:Imperial_Colonization#Our_current_Colonization|{{Imperial Colonization/current}}]]</span><br />''Help [[Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization|us]] clear the ivy of crap,<br>and plant the seeds of humour.''</center>-->
  +
|}
  +
|}<!--
   
'''[[Special:Newpages|More recent articles]]''' <!-- |
+
---------- Featured picture ----------------- -->
  +
{|class="MainPageBG" style="margin: 0; padding: .5em; width:100%; border:1px solid #ddcef2; background:#faf5ff; vertical-align:top; color:#000;"
  +
! <h2 style="margin:0; background:#ddcef2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em">Today's featured picture</h2>
  +
|-
  +
|style="color:#000;"|{{FI}}
  +
|}<!--
  +
  +
------------- Recent Articles ---------------------- -->
  +
{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #ffc9c9; background-color:#fff3f3; vertical-align:top; "
  +
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#F2CECE;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"><div class="plainlinks" style="float:right;margin-left:5px;margin-right:10px">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> Recent Articles</h2>
  +
|-
  +
|{{Recent}}
  +
'''[[Special:Newpages|More recent articles]]''' |
 
'''[[Special:Wantedpages|Most wanted pages]]''' |
 
'''[[Special:Wantedpages|Most wanted pages]]''' |
'''[[:Category:Rewrite|Requested rewrites]]''' |
+
'''[[:Category:Articles to fix|Articles to fix]]''' |
 
'''[[:Category:Stub|Add to stubs]]''' |
 
'''[[:Category:Stub|Add to stubs]]''' |
'''[[Special:Lonelypages|Lonely pages]]''' -->
+
'''[[Special:Lonelypages|Lonely pages]]''' |
+
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Pee Review|Pee Review]]''' |
</div>
+
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles|Try writing about...]]'''
 
|-
 
|-
| colspan="2" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c9c9c9; color: #000; background-color: #ffffdf"| <div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><h3>Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!!</h3>
+
|} <!--
{{MonthlyAwards}}
 
   
</div>
+
-------------------- Start of Awards etc ------------------------------ -->
+
{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #c9c9c9; background-color:#FFFFF2; vertical-align:top;"
|}
 
 
{{languages}}
 
{|width="100%"
 
|colspan="2" width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #bfbfbf; padding: .5em 1em 0; font-size: 100%; color: #000; background-color: #fff"|
 
<h2 id="sister">[[black people|Sista]] projects</h2>
 
{{Sisterprojects}}
 
 
|-
 
|-
|colspan="2" width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #bfbfbf; padding: .5em 1em 0; font-size: 100%; color: #000; background-color: #fff"|
+
{{Vote Reminder}}
{{donate|Uncyclopedia}}
 
 
|}
 
|}
+
{{Sisterprojects/languages}}
For nonsense related chat, see [irc://irc.us.freenode.net/uncyclopedia #uncyclopedia @ FreeNode].
 
   
 
Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Fair Use Clause]], and an elite clan of [[Clinja]]s.
 
Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Fair Use Clause]], and an elite clan of [[Clinja]]s.
[[Category: Uncyclopedia]]
+
[[Category:Uncyclopedia]]
  +
{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}

Latest revision as of 16:27, August 9, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
31,304 articles in English

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Categories · Featured content · A–Z index · F icon

Today's Featured Article - Carly Fiorina

Carly Fiorina

Carly Fiorina (born September 6, 1954) is an American corporate mogul, former candidate for U.S. Senate from California, and a Republican Party candidate for President in 2016.

The Fiorina campaign states that Fiorina is uniquely able to take on and defeat Hillary Clinton, as the two candidates would have two breasts apiece, compared to none for anyone else in the race from either major party. However, the much more popular Donald Trump states that Fiorina's face is "ridiculous" for a would-be U.S. President. "Just look at it."

According to a glossy campaign brochure which "has not been approved or coordinated with any candidate or candidate's committee," and is thus due all the deference as if the Koch Brothers had signed it themselves, Fiorina was born in 1954 in Austin, Texas to Madelon Montross Jueregens and Joseph Tyree Sneed III. This would mean that she began life with a different name, although this is hardly as remarkable for a woman as it was for President Les King or Baz Soetero. The former never had to run for election (outside Grand Rapids, Michigan) and the latter had the media in the palm of his cocaine-stained hand.

What's-her-name's mother was an artist (in the same way that this author is an author) and her father was an up-and-coming law school professor who took the family around the world. Fiorina attended five different high schools, including one in Ghana, but none in Kenya and never claimed to be from any of those places, even to goose sales of an autobiography. Ultimately she graduated from a mundane high school in Durham, North Carolina. (more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - HowTo:Dine at a fancy restaurant

SuperFancyRestaurant

A college kid’s worst nightmare: you’re home visiting your parents, and to celebrate the occasion, they decide to take you out to some place called Le Tuyau d’Arrosage. Oh no, bro. Oh no.

This is the most important factor that will determine your survival. If you do not dress properly, you will be escorted from the establishment the minute you walk through the door. Never ever go to a high-end restaurant in a drawstring hoodie or a Yu-Gi-Oh T-shirt. To strike an impression, you must dress like you are attending a funeral.

Wear a blazer and tie. Never get food or sauce on either. Khaki pants work best, but any kind with 10 or more belt loops will do. Keep this rule of thumb in mind: the more robotic your movements and actions, the better. Do not fidget or hike up your pants. Stand up like you just took a yardstick up the rectum; do not walk like you are packing heat, or just crapped your pants.

Keep a straight face or small smile. NEVER scowl, mope, or show that you don’t want to be there in any other way. Honesty counts for nothing here.

You may realize that people all around are staring at you. Disregard them; try not to think about the fact that they are staring at you, or what they are thinking. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured All Quiet on the Western Front, featured on 31 December 2011. See the featured version.
BIBLE!, featured on 8 July 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Santa plane

In the news:

On this day...

February 5: Peyton Manning does everything including playing in the Super Bowl Day
  • 1678 - Roman king farted on trees.
  • 406 - Peyton Manning sacked by the Central Asian Huns in Super Bowl -MDLXI... wait, that was the Romans... my bad.
  • 1066 - Peyton Manning, king of Normandy, conquers England.
  • 1152 - Peyton Manning almost makes it to Super Bowl -DCCCXV but he loses the AFC Championship after getting sacked five times by the Frankfurt Galaxy's linebacker Frederick Barbarossa.
  • 1215 - Peyton Manning thinks up concept of Magna Carta.
  • 1492 - Peyton Manning sails the ocean blue.
  • 1588 - Peyton Manning defeats the Spanish Armada.
  • 1688 - Peyton Manning takes power in England after the Glorious Revolution. Indianapolis Colts QB William of Orange offers to trade jobs with him. Peyton accepts.
  • 1776 - Peyton Manning leads the Continental Army across the Delaware River in an assault on Trenton, NJ.
  • 1777 - Peyton Manning's child is born to his female slave Sally Hemmings.
  • 1788 - Peyton Manning secretly ghostwrites one of the Federalist Papers. Sadly, he forgot which one.
  • 1813 - Peyton Manning exiled to Elba.
  • 1860 - Peyton Manning signs the Emancipation Proclimation before Ol' Abe does.
  • 1995 - Peyton Manning is forced to freshman practice squad after younger brother Eli Manning punches him in the crotch for stealing the last Fruit-by-the-foot.
  • 1996 - Peyton Manning studies for sociology quiz.
  • 1998 - Peyton Manning goes snorkeling in the Bahamas.
  • 2000 - Peyton Manning numb from another disapointing season, helps express his grim emotions by co-fouding the band Hawthorn Hights.
  • 2001 - Peyton Manning chats with Saudi leader concluding in "Hey, have you ever tried a flight simulator, real-stuff??".
  • 2003 - Peyton Manning plays Bocce with Marvin Harrison.
  • 2006 - Peyton Manning sits on couch with a brewskie, watches repeats of Real World/Road Rules Challenge on MTV and tries to figure out how Beth got to be captain.
  • 2006 - Peyton Manning Is revealed to be Superman
  • 2007 - Peyton Manning Timetravels.
  • 2007 - Peyton Manning comes out as a nazi and eats Polish Sausage with his defeated team.
  • 2008 - Peyton Manning holds Climate Change meeting with The Grinch.
  • 2019 - Peyton Manning, in a confused spasm of rage, accidentally misprints the date of the year while filing his taxes and is whisked away to the year 2019. He is saddened to learn that he will only play in the Super Bowl once in his lifetime. Peyton also surprised to find out he only lives to the age of 42.

Today's featured picture

PopupBlocked

Microsoft Internet Explorer's Popup Blocker has always left something to be desired.

Image Credit: Blah Blah Blah
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

SlovakiaUSA.jpg

Slovakia (pictured) | Nudibranch | Hera | George Mason U. | HowTo:Survive a terrorist attack | Pornography (rw) | Mesopotamia (rw) | Kilogram | Missing socks | The Communist Manifesto | Community | Teen Titans Go! | State of the Union address (rw) | Catching Fire | National Fascist Party (from Inciclopedia) | Chris Christie | HowTo:Dine at a fancy restaurant | Eragon | Swearing (rw) | Miranda warning | Sam Harris | Northumberland | Edmund Hillary | Theater pest | Mad Max: Fury Road | Carly Fiorina | Normal distribution | Slavs | Tax (rw) | Sega CD (rw)


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Articles to fix | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.
UnNews Logo Potato (No text) UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary Logo Text Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes2 UnTunes
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Game-Logo notext Games
Another way to waste time
Gorillatrans HowTo
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
Unbooks-logo notext UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable-logo-en vector notext Unquotable
Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity-logo-notext Uncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetialogo UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Undebate logo UnDebate
Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
UnReviewsLogo UnReviews
We'll tell you why things suck
Uncyclomedia Commons notext UnCommons
Broken media repository


Uncyclopedia Languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 31,304 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext
Uncyclopedia
English
United Kingdom
W17x11 30557
Desciclopédia
Português
Brazil
45286
アンサイクロペディア
日本語
Japan
18180
Nonsensopedia
Polski
Poland
W17x11 16666
Nonciclopedia
Italiano
Italy
W17x11 13518
Wiki it
1dÉ
Désencyclopédie
Français
France
W17x11 8364
Inciclopedia
Español
Spain
W17x11 10392
偽基百科
正體中文
Taiwan
5720
Uncyclopedia.de
Deutsch
Germany
W17x11 Unknown
Hikipedia
Suomi
Finland
7614
Hikipedia
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on September 3, 2014.

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.

Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
<includeonly>Template:FA/01 April 2008Template:FA/2008</includeonly>
Personal tools
projects