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almost forgot
 

Latest revision as of 16:27, August 9, 2015

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
31,170 articles in English

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Categories · Featured content · A–Z index · F icon

Today's Featured Article - Box-spring

Lost in bed

A box-spring (or divan in the UK, where they don't use such common vulgarities as box) is a type of bed base. These are generally designed to give the general approximation of comfort while in the store testing the bed, but are designed to cause discomfort from the moment of installation within a home.

The construction of these nominally entitled beds typically consist of a wooden frame, covered in dust mite friendly cloth, and containing what are referred to as bedsprings. These bedsprings are tested against several criterion, known colloquially as the "four c's". These are: (more...)

  • Clarity
  • Carat
  • Color (or colour in the UK, where extraneous vowels are the preferred norm).
  • Cut
  • Certificate

Most wire coils contain some inner flaws (or inclusions in the UK), that occur in the manufacturing process. Highly skilled manufacturers work on adding these in an extremely calculated manner. The purpose of these is to allow the bed to have an initial softness or "comfort" factor, but due to these inclusions the springs will quickly weaken, deform, snap, or generally just become completely screwed up. Hairline fractures hat occur laterally along the direction of the spring are highly sought (or "saught" in the UK), along with air bubbles in the spring itself.(more...)

Recently featured: Box-spring

Yesterday's Featured Article -

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Irish Potato Famine, featured on 30 August 2014. See the featured version.
Minecraft, featured on 30 August 2012. See the featured version.
Ozone, featured on 30 August 2011. See the featured version.
Good Old Days, featured on 30 August 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Santa plane
  • ...that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (pictured)
  • ...that The Oldest Trick in the Book is the infamous "Tapping on a person's left shoulder when you're standing on their right"? This trick was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia.
  • ...that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
  • ...that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
  • ...that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
    • ...and that every person considers it at least once a month?
  • ...that The Oldest Trick in the Book is the infamous "Tapping on a person's left shoulder when you're standing on their right"? This trick was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia.
  • ...that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?

In the news:

On this day...

Dyslexic satan worshippers

August 30: Intentional Dyslexic Devil Worshipper day

  • 0 - devil worship is invented by emo lord Hebert.
  • 986 - A devil worshipper gets tricked into selling his soul to god.
  • 1585 - Devil worshippers are saved from being burned in the stake after the inquisitor concludes they were only cursing "dog"
  • 1992 - Devil worshippers are confused and name their religion the Church of Santa Ana.
  • 1994 - Eugene Victor Tombs begins his search for the horizon.
  • 1997 - Devil worshippers go to an apartment in New York for their pilgrimage to Stan.
  • 9199 - De vil foll woers f era KY2 com ptuer suh t down t o be teh end of a ll mnaknid. T om Cr uis e cure s Sa nat of his dysle xia thro ghu Sci en tolog y.
  • 2001 - Confused devil worshippers vandalize walls by spray painting 999 on them.
  • 2004 - Gorgoroth released their new album with Dyslexic Satan worshipping become the new subgenre called "Tarzanic Black Metal"
  • 2005 - A dyslexic devil worshipper sells his soul to Santa.
  • By 2010 it is projected that there will be over 900,000 dyslexic weevil dorshippers in the world.
  • By 2015 it is projected that 60% of all dyslexic devil worshippers will worship Santa, 30% will worship Stan, and 10% will worship Satin.
  • 3001 - The Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything is discovered along with the question that it is the answer to. Simultaneous knowledge of both causes the Universe to vanish from existence, which is replaced by something even more bizarre.

Today's featured picture

Pity

Mr. T offers a new day for America. A Day of Pity.

Image Credit: RadicalX
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

Coca-Cola Classic | Sex change | FEMA | Bristol International Balloon Fiesta‎‎ | Ponytail | Atonality | Hercules | The Angry Video Game Nerd | Timur the Lame | Wasp | Gebhard Leberecht von Blücher | Colloquialism | Suit | Boeing 737 | Teleology | Sergei Eisenstein | Interstellar (movie) | Bee | Comcast | Green Party (UK) | Lily Savage | Microsoft PowerPoint | Warranty | Unicode | Hillsdale College | Frank Miller | United Kingdom general election, 2015 | Sault Ste. Marie | Metadata


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Articles to fix | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 31,170 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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