Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
(Almost Forgot!)
(Remove link to non-functional "freewebs" site)
 
(1,356 intermediate revisions by more than 100 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
<table width=100%>
+
__NOTOC____NOEDITSECTION__
<tr><td>
+
<!------------ Top banner ------------------------------ -->
<div align=center><p style="margin: 2.5em 0 0 3%; text-align: center;
+
{| style="width:100%; background:#fcfcfc; margin-top:1.2em; border:1px solid #ccc;"
font-size: 125%; line-height: 1.3">WB2 [[Uncyclopedia:About|uNcYcLoPeDiA]]!!! ;p the internt [[Blog|bl0g]] ''U'' can edit!!!!<br>LOL!!!!!</p><br><p style="margin:0 0 0 3%;text-align:center;font-size:94%; background-color:#00ff00;"><font-color=#ffffff>We've posted </font><font-color=#66ffff>[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]]</font><font color=#ffffff> entries since starting in January 2005!!!</font><br>
+
|style="width:56%; color:#000"| <!--
<font color=#ffffff>''Before blogging, plz read our <font color="#66ffff">[[Help:HowTo|philsophy]]</font> and [[Flamewar Guidelines|forum rulez!]].<br>Here are [[:Category:Ignorable policies|MORE of our favorite blogs!!]]''</font></p>
 
   
<h5>Look!: <p style="font-variant: small-caps; text-align:center; margin-top: 0; margin-bottom:.2em; font-size: 105%;">[[:Category:Politics and Government|Anarchy teh best]] | [[:Category:Games|k00l games]] | [[:Category:Computers and Technology|cOmPuTeRs!]] | [[:Category:People|People I hate]] | [[:Category:Quaint|gh3y]] | [[:Category:Coherent|read this!!!]] <br> [[Special:Popularpages|Our BEST posts1!]] | [[Special:Allpages|All teh pages]] | [[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Stuff]]</p> </h5>
+
---------- "Welcome to Uncyclopedia" etc ----------- -->
  +
{| style="width:280px; border:solid 0px; background:none;"
  +
|style="width:280px; text-align:center; white-space:nowrap; color:#000;"|
  +
<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em 2em; color:#000;">Welcome to [[Uncyclopedia:About|Uncyclopedia]],</div>
  +
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">the [[content-free]] encyclopedia that [[Anonymous|anyone can edit]].</div>
  +
<div id="articlecount" style="width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:85%;">[[Special:Statistics|{{NUMBEROFARTICLES}}]] articles in English</div>
  +
|}<!--
   
<!--''[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Browse Uncyclopedia]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Browse by overview|Article overviews]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Quick index|Alphabetical index]] &middot; [[Uncyclopedia:Category schemes|Other category schemes]]''--><br></div>
+
---------- Portals on right hand side ---------------------------- -->
</td><td>{{featuredimage}}</td></tr></table>
+
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%; color:#000;"|
  +
*[[:Portal:Politics|Politics]]
  +
*[[:Portal:Games|Games]]
  +
*[[:Portal:Music|Music]]
  +
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%;"|
  +
*[[Portal:Science|Science]]
  +
*[[:Portal:History|History]]
  +
*[[:Portal:Art|Art]]
  +
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%; color:#000;"|
  +
*[[:Portal:Television|Television]]
  +
*[[:Portal:Film|Film]]
  +
*[[:Portal:Theatre|Theatre]]
  +
|style="width:11%; font-size:95%;"|
  +
*[[:Portal:Society|Society]]
  +
*[[:Portal:People|People]]
  +
*'''[[:Portal:Portals|All Portals]]'''
  +
|}<!--
   
{| cellspacing="3" style="clear:both"
+
---------- Links under banner --------------------- -->
|-valign="top"
+
{|style="width:100%; background:none; margin:-.8em 0 -.7em 0;"
  +
|style="font-size:95%; padding:10px 0; margin:0px; text-align:left; white-space:nowrap; color:#000;"|
  +
[[Beginner's Guide]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Five_pliers|The Big Five]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide|Style]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:FAQ|Questions]] '''&middot;''' [[Help:Contents|Help]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Donations|Donations]]
  +
|style="font-size:95%; padding:10px 0; margin:0px; text-align: right; white-space:nowrap; color:#000;"|
  +
[[Uncyclopedia:Browse|Categories]] '''&middot;''' [[Uncyclopedia:Best of|Featured content]] '''&middot;''' [[Special:Allpages|A&ndash;Z index]]
  +
|}
  +
  +
<!--
   
|width="30%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c6c9ff; color: #000; background-color: #993399"|<div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recentnews|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3><font color=#ff0000>My blogrings</font></h3>
+
---------- Beginning of main table ------------------ -->
{{Recentnews}}
+
{| style="border-spacing:8px;margin:0px -8px"
  +
|width="55%" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #cef2e0; background-color:#f2fff9; vertical-align:top;"| <!--
   
'''[[Uncyclopedia:UnNews|News from FOXNEWS!]]'''
+
---------- Beginning of left column ----------------- -->
----
+
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f2fff9;"
  +
|{{r|Featuredarticle}}{{FFA/include|z}}
  +
|-
  +
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#cef2e0;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3bfb1;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">Did you know...</h2>
  +
|-
  +
|<div style="margin-left:0.5em;">{{DYKimage}}{{DidYouKnow|r}}{{DidYouKnow|a}}{{DidYouKnow|n}}{{DidYouKnow|d}}{{DidYouKnow|o}}{{DidYouKnow|m}}</div>
  +
<div align="right" class="noprint" style="clear:all">
  +
'''[[Did You Know|Archive]]''' &ndash; '''[[Uncyclopedia:DYK submissions|Suggest new entries]]'''
 
</div>
 
</div>
  +
|-
  +
|}<!--
   
|width="50%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #ffc9c9; color: #000; background-color: #ffffff"|<div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"> <h3>Wednesday August 31 2005</h3>
+
---------- Beginning of right column ----------------------- -->
{{Featuredarticle}}
+
|width="45%" class="MainPageBG" style="border:1px solid #cedff2; background-color:#f2f8ff; vertical-align:top;"|
  +
{| width="100%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" style="vertical-align:top; background-color:#f2f8ff;"
  +
! <h2 style="margin:0;background-color:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">In the news</h2>
  +
|-
  +
| <div class="nonwhite">{{RecentUnNews}}</div>
  +
<div style="text-align: right;" class="noprint">'''[[UnNews:Main Page|UnNews Front Page]]'''</div>
  +
|-
  +
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#cedff2;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;">On this day...</h2>
  +
|-
  +
| <div class="nonwhite">{{Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}}}</div>
  +
<div align="right" class="noprint">
  +
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{tomorrow}}|View tomorrow]] &ndash; [[Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}|More anniversaries...]]'''
  +
</div>
  +
<!-- This appears to be dead
  +
|-
  +
! style="background-color:#cedff2; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size:120%; border:1px solid #a3b0bf; text-align:left" | Colonization of the Week
  +
|-
  +
|<center><span style="font-size:130%;font-weight:bold" class="plainlinks">[[Uncyclopedia:Imperial_Colonization#Our_current_Colonization|{{Imperial Colonization/current}}]]</span><br />''Help [[Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization|us]] clear the ivy of crap,<br>and plant the seeds of humour.''</center>-->
  +
|}
  +
|}<!--
   
You can [[Uncyclopedia:VFH|give ePropz]] for your fave entries!
+
---------- Featured picture ----------------- -->
  +
{|class="MainPageBG" style="margin: 0; padding: .5em; width:100%; border:1px solid #ddcef2; background:#faf5ff; vertical-align:top; color:#000;"
  +
! <h2 style="margin:0; background:#ddcef2; font-size:120%; font-weight:bold; border:1px solid #afa3bf; text-align:left; color:#000; padding:0.2em 0.4em">Today's featured picture</h2>
  +
|-
  +
|style="color:#000;"|{{FI}}
  +
|}<!--
   
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Best of | comment on this post!! plz!!!]]'''
+
------------- Recent Articles ---------------------- -->
----
+
{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #ffc9c9; background-color:#fff3f3; vertical-align:top; "
|width="20%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c6c9ff; color: #000; background-color: #00cc33"|
+
! <h2 style="margin:0;background:#F2CECE;font-family:sans-serif;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #a3b0bf;text-align:left;color:#000;padding:0.2em 0.4em;"><div class="plainlinks" style="float:right;margin-left:5px;margin-right:10px">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> Recent Articles</h2>
<div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:DidYouKnow|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>JSYK!!!</h3>
 
''[[Special:Listadmins|domizianogalia & T1m2 !]] just totally posted this stuff!:
 
{{DidYouKnow}}
 
 
'''[[Did You Know|More more more]]'''
 
 
----
 
 
<div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3>Calender, don't forget my B-DAY</h3>
 
{{Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}_{{CURRENTDAY}}}}
 
 
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}}|Even more kool stuff!!!!!!!!]]'''
 
</div>
 
 
|-
 
|-
| colspan="3" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c9c9c9; color: #000; background-color: #000000"| <div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><div style="float:right;margin-left:5px;">''[{{SERVER}}{{localurl:Template:Recent|action=edit}} edit]''</div> <h3><font color="#ffffff">'''Old posts!!'''</font></h3>
+
|{{Recent}}
{{Recent}}
+
'''[[Special:Newpages|More recent articles]]''' |
 
<font color="#ffffff">'''[[Special:Newpages|More recent articles]]'''</font> <!-- |
 
 
'''[[Special:Wantedpages|Most wanted pages]]''' |
 
'''[[Special:Wantedpages|Most wanted pages]]''' |
'''[[:Category:Rewrite|Requested rewrites]]''' |
+
'''[[:Category:Articles to fix|Articles to fix]]''' |
 
'''[[:Category:Stub|Add to stubs]]''' |
 
'''[[:Category:Stub|Add to stubs]]''' |
'''[[Special:Lonelypages|Lonely pages]]''' -->
+
'''[[Special:Lonelypages|Lonely pages]]''' |
+
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Pee Review|Pee Review]]''' |
</div>
+
'''[[Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles|Try writing about...]]'''
 
|-
 
|-
| colspan="3" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #c9c9c9; color: #000; background-color: #ffffdf"| <div style="padding: .4em .9em .9em"><h3>Writer of the Month</h3>
+
|} <!--
{{MonthlyAwards}}
 
   
</div>
+
-------------------- Start of Awards etc ------------------------------ -->
+
{| width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="margin-top: .5em; padding: .5em; border:1px solid #c9c9c9; background-color:#FFFFF2; vertical-align:top;"
|}
 
 
{{languages}}
 
{|width="100%"
 
|colspan="2" width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #bfbfbf; padding: .5em 1em 0; font-size: 100%; color: #000; background-color: #fff"|
 
<h2 id="sister">[[black people|Sista]] projects</h2>
 
{{Sisterprojects}}
 
 
|-
 
|-
|colspan="2" width="100%" class="MainPageBG" style="border: 1px solid #bfbfbf; padding: .5em 1em 0; font-size: 100%; color: #000; background-color: #fff"|
+
{{Vote Reminder}}
{{donate|Uncyclopedia}}
 
 
|}
 
|}
  +
{{Sisterprojects/languages}}
   
To chat to me , see [irc://irc.us.freenode.net/uncyclopedia #uncyclopedia @ FreeNode].
+
Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Fair Use Clause]], and an elite clan of [[Clinja]]s.
+
[[Category:Uncyclopedia]]
Protected by [[Help:Fair Use|the Fair Use Clause]], and an elite clan of [[Clinja|bloggers]]s.
+
{{FA|date=1 April 2008|revision=2907173|hidden=unlike your mom from a mile away}}
[[Category: Uncyclopedia]]
 
almost forgot
 

Latest revision as of 19:03, August 21, 2014

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
30,663 articles in English

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Donations

Categories · Featured content · A–Z index

Today's Featured Article - UnBooks:Aesop's Tables

Tortoiseandhare

Having achieved significant commercial and literary success with his compendium of fables, published in 580 BCE, Aesop was able to pay his way out of slavery and into the infinitely more profitable business of self-promotion and after dinner speaking. History has not recorded the exact details of these missing years of Aesop's life, which was why we here at Anythingforadolla books were thrilled to discover this untouched manuscript believed to have been penned by Aesop himself in around 571 BCE. The publishers understand that having found initial success with fables, Aesop found himself struggling to make ends meet so he used the remainder of his personal wealth to purchase a stall near Thermopylae selling stylish tables to appoint the typical Ancient Greek dwelling.

This manuscript appears to chronicle Aesop's efforts to replicate the success he had had in literature into a fast paced business world.

There was once a tortoise, whose regular route to and from Lamia took him past a thriving retail outlet near Thermopylae. The tortoise was not particularly wise, for he rarely stopped to examine the fine woodwork or appreciate the craftsmanship on display at the thriving retail outlet or to consider the very competitively priced wares, but he was rich and powerful. One day the tortoise passed the retail outlet and had cause to speak to its proprietor.(more...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - The Camera Obscura Collection of Hans Helmuth Saltzman (1602-1668)

Cat 6774

The Saltzman family were merchants and bankers within the Hanseatic League for two centuries up to the time of Peter the Great. Their fortune reached its zenith in Hans Helmuth's lifetime, when many of their family members were attached to European courts as diplomats and money brokers, below and behind the aristocratic tier of ambassadors and ecclesiastical envoys, with whom they exchanged patronage for finance.

Hans Helmuth Saltzman was an attaché to the Ambassador of Schleswig-Holstein during the latter part of the reign of Charles I, and was an important and impartial witness to the internal divisions of English society at the time. As a youngest son, he was not obliged to devote himself to his family business, and could afford the life of a gentleman-scholar and experimenter. During this period he often collaborated with the Enlightenment greats in England, France and the German states, and some scholars believe that he may have been the true personage of a highly-regarded English playwright (although most disagree, citing Saltzman's lack of discipline in the literary arts during his younger years). His immersion in the process of Scientific discovery, however, was made relatively late in life, when Saltzman was in his forties, when he met the famous inventor Robert Hooke who inspired him with his theories in optics. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Talk Talk, featured on 27 August 2012. See the featured version.
Puddle of shit, featured on 27 August 2011. See the featured version.
UnScripts:Good Cop Inanimate Cop, featured on 27 August 2010. See the featured version.
Quentin Tarantino, featured on 27 August 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Malcolmx

In the news

On this day...

Day after tomorrow

August 27: The Day After Tomorrow

  • 1793 - French counter-revolution. Corian becomes the counter du jour.
  • 1883 - Krakatoa explodes, hurling pumice, rubber ducks, loofahs and other bathing accessories over 150 miles.
  • 1928 - The Kellogg-Post Pact, renouncing oatmeal as an instrument of foreign policy, was signed by 60 cereal companies.
  • 2002 - Armageddon
  • 2002.5 - Armageddon Nervous
  • 2003 - Armageddon Outta Here
  • 2 minutes later - Chuck Norris remembers to close the door of his fridge.
  • 2004 - Three days from last Tuesday, something important happened.
  • 2006 - Today is really August 29th.
  • 2007 - Today is the day before tomorrow.
  • 2009 - Scientists proved the real reason of global warming is increasing group sex rate of eskimos.
  • 2101 - All your base are belong to us.

Today's featured picture

Jesus on raptor

Some modifications have been made to the newest translation of the Holy Bible. In this scene (often called "Palm Sunday"), Jesus is now riding a raptor. While this was partially made to help make Jesus more accessible to Today's children, the decision was also made because certain Christians didn't want people to be able to say that Jesus was "riding someone's ass" that day. Both scientists and fundamental Christians question the historical accuracy of this account.
From the New Cooler Edition: "And Christ touched the Velociraptor, and the Velociraptor was tamed." Luke 13:37 (NCE)

Image Credit: Tshell
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles

Netflix | Pink slime | Battle of Bosworth | The 100 | Twelve Tables | Jam session | New Jersey | Keynesianism (rw) | George R. R. Martin | Wat Tyler | Father Ted | Andorra | Town meeting | Mylène Farmer | Eclipse (rw) | Fringe | Millard Fillmore | Garter | Jared Leto (rw) | Counties of England | Bosnia and Herzegovina | Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe | Boko Haram (repl) | Khmer Rouge | Sexual physics | Cruel and unusual punishment | Gravity (film) | Benzene | Glory hole | Tucson | Olfaction


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Articles to fix | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Now you only have 4, yes 4 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.
UnNews Logo Potato (No text) UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary Logo Text Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes2 UnTunes
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Game-Logo notext Games
Another way to waste time
Gorillatrans HowTo
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
Unbooks-logo notext UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable-logo-en vector notext Unquotable
Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity-logo-notext Uncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetialogo UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Undebate logo UnDebate
Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
UnReviewsLogo UnReviews
We'll tell you why things suck
Uncyclomedia Commons notext UnCommons
Broken media repository


Uncyclopedia Languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 30,663 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext
Uncyclopedia
English
United Kingdom
W17x11 30649
Desciclopédia
Português
Brazil
35457
アンサイクロペディア
日本語
Japan
16220
Nonsensopedia
Polski
Poland
W17x11 20323
Nonciclopedia
Italiano
Italy
W17x11 12328
Wiki it
1dÉ
Désencyclopédie
Français
France
W17x11 7257
Inciclopedia
Español
Spain
W17x11 8775
偽基百科
正體中文
Taiwan
5328
Uncyclopedia.de
Deutsch
Germany
W17x11 5520
Hikipedia
Suomi
Finland
6804
Hikipedia
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on August 12, 2011.

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.

Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
<includeonly>Template:FA/01 April 2008Template:FA/2008</includeonly>
Personal tools
projects