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Latest revision as of 19:03, August 21, 2014

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
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Today's Featured Article - Ad hominem

Adhominemabusive

Ad hominem (derived from Latin; or Ad-ay ominem-Hay in Pig Latin) is an effective technique used to disprove the argument of a stupid person whose ill-conceived ideas are probably reminiscent of a troubled childhood. The opponent is attacked personally rather than responded to based on their daft ideals and even dafter hairstyle. In most cases the point that is attacked is irrelevant and has no reasoning behind it. Those who use ad hominem points to counter ad hominem points are just as silly and are only leading themselves down a route of more sin.

An example of an ad hominem argument is the debate surrounding gays. The gay sinners, who thanks to their high pitched voice can barely be detected by normal human ears, when presenting their argument put forward the point that people who hate gays only hate gays because they're white and vote for the BNP. The gays who mentioned this point all went to states school and learnt geography so are, unfortunately, completely incapable of understanding how stupid their point was.

Abusive ad hominem arguments involve a petty use of verbal or physical violence against the opponent because the opponent is mentally ill and only has one arm and so can't hold up a substantive argument. Verbal abuse can involve comedic lampoons of the opposition with statements such as "You smell", "You're a loser" and "Mr. Speaker, Mr. Speaker the Honourable Gentleman owns less than me. Pray shut him up my good man." (more...)

Recently featured: Ad hominem - Cafeteria food

Yesterday's Featured Article - Cafeteria food

Cafeteria

Cafeteria food is a term used to describe anything served at school cafeterias as a substitute for actual food. Although the term is usually used to describe carbs and sugar, other items available at the cafeteria, such as sporks and napkins, also are considered cafeteria food and are usually safer to eat. Recently, cafeteria food was rated #3 on Time Magazine's 2011 List of Unhealthiest Foods, just behind molten lead with whipped cream and nuclear waste à la mode.

Meatloaf is made up of 12% meat, 78% loaf, and 10% other. It is generally served either British style (in which it is covered in a thick, brown gravy), American style (in which it is covered in bacon and cheese), or Italian style (in which it is covered in ketchup). Most meatloaf contains a mixture of pork, beef, and chicken, though turkey, badger, squirrel, possum, kitten, and gerbil may also be present. Despite being flavored with E. coli, cafeteria meatloaf has more of a "Mad Cow Disease" taste according to a recent poll among high school students aged 14-18.

Sloppy joes consist of yesterday's meatloaf after it is thrown into a blender and plopped on a bun. Since nobody eats the meatloaf anyway, sloppy joes provide a second lunch with enough servings for everyone. Any uneaten sloppy joes are formed into a loaf shape and baked, creating meatloaf once again. This cycle can continue for weeks or until the health inspector arrives and closes the cafeteria. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Universe, featured on 20 October 2012. See the featured version.
UnNews:Renewed violence in 506,220th day of Israeli-Palestinian conflict, featured on 20 October 2011. See the featured version.
Disguise, featured on 20 October 2010. See the featured version.
UnNews:Stop dressing like whores, you whores!, featured on 20 October 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Commie eats children
  • ...that liberals want to eat your children? (pictured)
  • ...that many diseases can be prevented by washing hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
  • ...that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
  • ...that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
  • ...that compromise is a great diplomatic tool?
    • ...although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
  • ...that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
  • ...that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?

In the news

On this day...

October 20: Run out of ideas for Uncyclopedia anniversaries day
KeepRight

This sign was erected on October 20th...no, wait, it was the 21st. Never mind.

  • 1735 - A French pot head trips on the remains of Napoleon, nobody gives a damn.
  • 1846 - Engrish troops invade Minnesota, realize they took a wrong turn on the way to France and turn around. Indians scalp and rape several.
  • 1864 - Abraham Lincoln issues the Emancipation Proclamation as a joke; unfortunately, nobody gets it.
  • 1965 - A flying saucer lands in California, Scientology briefly becomes popular, at least until the government fire bombed all the celebrities.
  • 1969 - Oscar Wilde is discovered painting a mosaic of Islamic extremists with his urine. Extremists eat sacred cows in retaliation. Gandhi is shocked and appalled, the movie Gandhi II is released as a result of real world events.
  • 1974 - End of an Oil embargo crisis: Most OPEC nations end a 5-month oil embargo against the United States, America tells them to fuck off; invents electric vehicles.
  • 1980 - The world was taken over by the governmen- er... um... Hey guys.. how are you? What with those guns pointed at my head?
  • 1982 - Mount St. Helens erupts in Washington, killing several million hikers and causing US$390 trillion in damage. Government cover up of the tragedy includes flying monkeys with super-soakers.
  • 1988 - Two U.S. Army roflcopters collide in Fort Campbell, Kentucky, killing 1337 squirrels.
  • 1990 - China begins plans to hack google and steal information on McDonalds cheeseburger prep.
  • 1990 - South Korean scientists recreate mohammed from cloned DNA of Chihuahua. The world fell into darkness.
  • 1998 - Beer first enters my stomach. Thousands rejoice.
  • 2005 - Screw this, I'm off.
  • π - The US Supreme Court declares that π has just as much of a right to be a year as any other year and declares the next 20 years to be the year π as back pay for this injustice over two millennia old.
  • 2006 - Actually, I think we have enough for today, but the rest of the month is going to be a pain, well, it's time to go "research" events.
  • 2012 - The apocalypse at the end of the world is discovered to have been caused by unyclopedia running out of ideas for anniversaries.

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